


We're Just Roommates

by fandomcrazychick, tinderwrites



Category: Original Work, The Pirateverse
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Fluff and Smut, Gay Male Character, Gay Panic, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other, Smut, finnish character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:47:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 51,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28945398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomcrazychick/pseuds/fandomcrazychick, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinderwrites/pseuds/tinderwrites
Relationships: River Perez/Sebastian Tuisku





	1. Chapter 1

The tables at Fusion sat empty for the most part with only a handful of late diners occupying the space. Among them sat Sebastian in a corner booth alone staring down a notebook and his phone. A series of numbers sat in columns next to some half-solved calculations. He leaned his head on his hand, glaring holes through the paper.

The numbers didn’t fucking lie. He was coming up short this month, despite his best efforts to eat cheaply as possible and spend money only when necessary. His paltry savings dwindled with each passing day. His shitty warehouse job had even shitty pay and they’d never be able to give him enough hours to make the kind of money he needed. Not to mention he had to be sitting in a goddamn classroom for eight hours each day.

He raked his fingers through his hair as he tried moving around a few dollars. Graduation remained three months away. He needed to focus on finishing that shit but before that he had to find a new job to make a liveable wage and also find somewhere to actually live. Inari had been letting him stay with her, but her mother’s tiny apartment only had room for him on the couch. Not to mention he couldn’t mooch off his best friend forever. His presence caused extra expenses and, as he had become very aware, that sort of thing added up quickly. He needed something permanent and affordable.

His eyes moved back to his phone and clicked on another single bedroom apartment and internally winced at the rent listed. Why was living in California so fucking expensive? A cynical smirk came to his lips. That sounded a little too close to the lecture his father gave him only a month ago. He’d emphasized living expenses, familial pride, even some moral duty Sebastian had to his gifts as a reason to drop his childish fantasies about being a tattoo artist. Only managing a fucking graphic design company could give him that level of fulfillment. The rant fell on deaf ears, devolving into a shouting match that ended in an admittedly hasty coming out. Not how he’d planned for that to happen. He scrolled farther down the apartment listings. In hindsight, he realized his father giving him even two day to move out after that was a miracle.

He pushed his phone to the side and stared at his columns again. Working in the cost of an apartment, even the cheapest apartment he’d seen, meant spending less than ten dollars a week on food. Doable assuming no surprise expenses came up and he started eating pasta. And nothing but pasta. He breathed out slowly. Just fuck everything.

A sundae glass appeared on the table in front of him, accompanied by a cheerful, "You look like you could use some sugar."

Sebastian lifted his eyes when River sat down across from him, fighting against the uncomfortable warmth in his chest that their compliment gave him. So they were working today. Someone else had taken him to his table when he’d wandered in during the lunch rush looking to lose himself in the familiar surroundings.

Admittedly, he had something of a crush on the vibrant enby. Not that he’d ever admit to it. They had so many of the qualities that he found attractive, like being as tall and fit as the average NBA player. Which meant the universal law applied to them: either straight, in a relationship, or both. In River’s case, it was the middle option in addition to being six years his senior. No one in their twenties wanted to date someone who had only just escaped the status of teenager.

"What's got you frowning like that, Seb? You know you look much more attractive when you smile." They teased, their eyes bright with that goddamned affection that they seemed to have for pretty much anyone.

He shrugged in response to their question. “Nothing. Just trying to work out…” A sigh escaped him as his gaze dropped back down to the paper in front of him. “To be honest, dealing with shit. And trying to work out the contradictions of adulthood.”

He went for a bite of the ice cream. Alcohol of some kind would have been preferable but he couldn’t afford to get drunk on a school night. He had to work in the morning and be awake during class if he wanted any chance at graduating.

River snorted. "You're preaching to the already converted." They drawled, relaxing back in the seat. "You really think I'd still be working here if I had any other choice?" Sebastian knew that working two jobs just about tided them over from month to month, and that was without their partner’s monetary side. Still better off than he was right now, and with a hella more positive attitude.

Still, their smile faded a little as they studied him "Hey, talk to me." They softly said. _"Yo estoy aqui para ti._ " They reached over and gently chucked Sebastian under the chin, getting him to look at them. "What's happening with you? You've been so tired whenever I've seen you lately, and you're not yourself. Are you sick? I can make you some chicken soup to help whatever-"

“I always look tired,” Sebastian grumbled as he moved back from the table. “It’s called being an insomniac.” A loophole he planned to make the best of if any damned employers called him back.

He lapsed into silence then, his eyes sliding away from River again. The thought of telling them everything stung. Texting Inari the night it happened had hurt enough. He just wanted to fix this without getting anyone else involved. Getting kicked out either made people look down their noses at you or assume the face they made when a small child started crying after scraping their knee. He was a fucking adult who had gotten himself into this mess and he’d get himself out. He didn’t need anyone’s pity.

But he knew River wouldn’t let the issue go, not without a better explanation than his insomnia. They had a knack for sussing out things like that, and he didn’t have the energy to fabricate a convincing lie. “I…got kicked out of my house. About a month ago. My dad and I got into a bad argument when I said I wasn’t going to college. He gave me two days to get out.”

God he almost tasted bile in his throat talking about it. He crossed his arms and leaned forward on his elbows, unwilling to look at River’s face. “Look, it’s fine. I’ve been staying with Inari and her mom. I just need to find somewhere cheap to live and another job to cover expenses. It’ll get easier in a few months.”

A long beat of silence passed, until finally they spoke, their tone firm. "No. You'll come live with me. You'll live with me, rent-free, and you'll focus on graduating with the best grades you can get. We've got a spare room at home, so you'll have your own space, and you can have somewhere to go after school." Two fingers caught his chin, tipping his head up until he met their burning gaze. "And don't think I'll take no for an answer. As it is, I'm tempted to hunt down your father and hang, draw, and quarter him for kicking you out at all.” Before he could say anything, they continued, “Look, it's not charity, it's a friend helping out. If it makes you feel any better, I can get you a part-time job here. It would only be like ten bucks an hour, and it'd probably be washing dishes and taking out trash, but it's a job?"

Sebastian bit back the refusal that leapt to his tongue. Realistically speaking, he’d find no better option anywhere. River offered the fastest solution that allowed him to focus on job hunting and school, not to mention Inari and her mother would get their couch back. Not paying any rent irked him, but the look in River’s eyes told him they’d never accept any money he gave them.

A sigh escaped him. “Fine, but only until graduation. After that’s all over with, I can find my own place. And don’t worry about the job; I’ve already applied to a few places. One should call back soon.” Another pause passed as he tried not to squirm beneath River’s gaze. “I…appreciate the help.”

On the bright side of the whole embarrassing ordeal, he’d have the time to search for a decent place to live, save up some money, and look into the actual career he intended to pursue. He’d gotten himself thrown out on the street for his dream of working as a tattoo artist and he refused to give up on now. His father wanted something like that to happen; for him to go crawling back and beg his father for help. Like hell he would. He’d already begun working on building up a portfolio in a couple of sketchbooks. Outside of getting his GED, all he needed to do was find someone to apprentice under.

“I’ll let Inari know about this tonight,” he said as he took another spoonful of the ice cream. She’d appreciate knowing his plans beforehand, especially since they’d been carpooling to school together.

"Great. You let Inari know, and then bring your stuff over whenever." They grinned down at the teenager as they stood up. "You remember where I live, don't you?" River teased, before whirling away to the kitchens again.

Sebastian watched them leave, before slumping down onto the table with a groan. Fuck. Not only would he be living with his crush, he’d be living with his crush and their boyfriend who he’d only met once. Nicolas had proven to be kind and courteous that day even though he had to deal with a hungover teenager in his home. Almost too fucking nice. Sebastian couldn’t hate someone like that, no matter how cute he thought their partner was.

_Vittu_.


	2. Chapter 2

As evening fell, River stood by the kitchen sink, absent-mindedly washing up the dinner dishes as they gazed out the back window. Thoughts came and went, only lingering for the briefest of moments. Their conversation with Sebastian had stuck in their mind all day, and emotions fought for dominance in their chest whenever they thought about the fact that he had been kicked out. Anger that anyone could do that to him, sadness that he had to deal with something like that at such a young age, hesitation over whether they were doing the right thing in inviting him to stay with them. 

Arms slid around their waist suddenly, and warmth pressed against their back. A soft smile spread across the Costa Rican's face, and they turned their head slightly to look fondly at Nícolas. " _Hóla, mi amor_. “

"Hey." The older man returned the smile, and leaned up slightly to kiss River's cheek. "Thank you for dinner, by the way. It was delicious. Not that I’m surprised, when I have the best chef in the county living with me.” He chuckled softly, and rested his head against their shoulder

"Never going to turn down a compliment like that, so thank you." River replied with a chuckle, and turned back to the washing-up in front of them. As they scrubbed at a stubborn plate, their mind ticked over to their impending house guest — how exactly did one broach that subject? Hey, mind if we temporarily and unofficially adopt this teenager for a few months? River wasn’t one for subtlety at the best of times, but even that seemed a bit much in one go.

Then the doorbell rang, and River winced internally as they realised who was likely at the door. Someone in the universe hated them. There was someone out there who had it out for them and wanted them to suffer.

"I'll get that." Nícolas let go of River's waist, and padded barefoot out into the hallway, where he opened the door, and blinked in surprise. "Good evening Sebastian." He greeted the teenager with some confusion. "I didn’t realise you were coming over - can I offer you some tea?”

“Hey, Nicolas. Erm, no thanks on the tea. But-” An awkward pause followed, and River cringed again. They abandoned the plate in the sink, and crept over to the doorway. “It’s been a complicated month. To make a long story short, I was kicked out of my house and I’ve been looking for a place to live. River found out earlier and offered to let me stay here. If that’s okay with you as well.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m just the taxi driver.” So Inari was here too. Great.

"River?"

River poked their head sheepishly out into the hallway at Nicolas’ call, and innocently said, "Si?"

" _Tu sabias de esto_?" Nícolas raised an eyebrow at his partner, but they could already see the tell-tale signs of him trying not to smile. The sight made them feel a lot better about the whole situation. Of course Nicolas would be up for doing something like this. He had a heart of gold, and River adored that about him. “You’re an idiot, _mi amor_. Go on and put sheets on the guest room bed, _cabrón_. Our guest will need somewhere comfortable to sleep.” 

They nodded meekly, and headed up the staircase to the first floor. They opened the linen cupboard, and pulled out the necessary bedsheets. Padding into the bedroom at the end of the hall, they began to make the bed up, while thinking over this whole thing.

Hopefully this all worked out, because otherwise Sebastian would have nowhere to go, and that was something River couldn't bear to think about. They knew too many homeless people who had struggled to keep their heads above water, and ended up drowning under life's trouble as a result.

As they finished putting the main sheet on, hushed Finnish voices drifted in from the hallway. Not a language River was particularly fluent in, other than the dictionary of swear words that Sebastian came out with on a daily basis. 

The two teenagers entered the room, and Sebastian dropped his bags on the ground by the bed. “Thanks again,” He muttered. Christ, he was adorable.

River glanced up from putting the sheet on the bed, and gave Sebastian a crooked smile. "No problem. You know I've got your back no matter what, right?" They finished putting the sheet on, and straightened up. Picking up the duvet and cover, they began the awkward process of putting one inside the other.

  
  


“Yeah, it’s really great of you guys to do this,” Inari remarked as she set his backpack down by the other bags. She’d met River a few times when Sebastian invited her with. Her eyes traveled around the room, “Pretty nice place you’ve got. Hella bigger than my place, that’s for sure.”

"Oh, this was a total find. We knew we wanted to get an actual house, close to the town centre, but this one came up for a decent price, and we just couldn't say yes quick enough." River looked up at the teenagers, smiling. "By the way, Inari, if you ever want to stay over, I can totally sort out a camping cot to set up in here for you. There's more than enough room."

Once the bed was finally made, they stood back and surveyed the room as a whole. "Ok, good." They turned back to Sebastian and smiled warmly. "I'll let you get settled in. If you're hungry, let me know. Otherwise I'll be in the living room if you need me." River moved forwards and gave Sebastian a quick but fierce hug before letting go. They gave Inari a wave, and headed downstairs again, smile stretching from ear to ear. Shitty situation aside, this was going to be so much fun !

Nícolas raised an eyebrow at them when they entered the living room again. "Really, you couldn't tell me that he was coming to live?"

River shrugged sheepishly. "I didn't exactly get a whole lot of warning myself. I figured it'd be tomorrow before anything happened, at the very least." They crossed the room in three long strides, and flopped down onto the sofa, resting their head comfortably in their boyfriend's lap. "'Sides, I can't imagine you wouldn't have made the same offer, right?"

The Spaniard's lips lifted into an affectionate smile as he gazed down at River. "I guess you're right, _mi amor_. Honestly though, you and your strays." He teased, and leaned down, placing a sweet kiss on the tip of their nose, which made River laugh.

~~

"Hey!" River laughed as they nudged Nícolas, their eyes trained on the tv screen in front of them. "That's cheating, you can't do that!"

"You're just bitter you're losing, _osito_." The older man teased back, as he worked the controller in his hands. Onscreen, his character moved around the side of a tank, and shot River's character point blank. "Ha!" He crowed. "You're toast and I'm the victor!" He turned to face his partner with a smirk. "Suck on that."

River gasped, and pouted. "You're a pain in my ass." They grumbled.

The smirk on Nícolas' face widened, and he leaned in close to River's ear. "That's not what you were saying last night." He murmured, loving the blush that came to the Costa Rican's face. "When I had you against the wall, making you scream..."

"Nic, stop...." River giggled, playfully pushing him. "Seb's just in the dining room, and I don't think he needs to hear what we do in our private time." They glanced at Nícolas and grinned. "Later though, yeah?" They pressed a kiss to his cheek, and got to their feet. "I'll go grab some snacks and we can go again."

They headed out of the living room, and into the dining room. As they passed the table, they slowed and peered over at the textbook in front of Sebastian. "Ugh, I do not miss that at all. Not one bit." River grimaced. "Hey, do you want something to eat? Or do you wanna come play Call of Duty for a bit before work?"

It had been two weeks since Sebastian had come to live with them, and River was absolutely loving it. Not only was Sebastian a general joy to be around, but he had also made a point of helping out around the house in addition to his new job at the gas station and his studies. He had even developed a sort of comradery with Nicolas, which delighted River. They wanted the two guys in their life to get along. 

Even if sometimes he got a bit weird and didn’t look at them, kind of like he was doing now.

“I’m fine,” he replied as he wrote out something in his notebook, “I need to get a head start on this assignment so that it’s done by class tomorrow. Thanks anyway though.”

They pushed down their disappointment at his lackluster response, and regarded Sebastian with a grin as they perched on the edge of the table. "Alright, if you're sure. Hey, you're not working tomorrow night, right? Why don't we go out and have some fun? You've been working so hard, and you deserve a night out. We could hit up Faultline, and maybe The Vibe, and have some drinks?"

They tilted their head slightly to the side as they looked at the teenager. "Maybe we could find you a hot, older boyfriend." River teased, playing with a pen that had been left discarded on the table. "Or you know, even just someone you could fuck for a night and enjoy, because frankly you don't strike me as a bottom." They teased lightly.

River was very much a part of the queer community in Los Angeles, and often frequented the many gay bars whenever they had the time. However, it was more the sense of community they loved about these places — the fact they could dress and be their real self and not have to suppress that side of them. Also, it was how they'd met Sebastian, and that was something special for them.

The offer finally got him to raise his head, but as always, his expression was unreadable. River liked to think of themself as a people person, but Sebastian was a mystery wrapped in an enigma sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time. “Yeah, I could do that,” he finally said, turning his attention back to his homework, eliciting an eyeroll from River. “Any excuse to avoid studying for the chemistry midterm. God knows I could use the alcohol.”

“Then it's all good. We'll go out tomorrow night, and we will have fun." They nodded decisively, and let out a sigh of contentment. "I could use a break, to be honest. It's been a busy couple of weeks, and I need to let go and possibly get drunk." They wryly said, running a hand through their hair.

Holding down two jobs as well as maintaining a relationship was a hard thing, and when you also put a social life into that equation, things got harder. Somehow since Sebastian had moved in, the time they'd spent together had somehow gotten scarcer, and River didn't like that. That had to be rectified, for the sake of their friendship — or at least, that was what they told themself it was for. Not for that warm bubbly feeling that filled their chest when they were around the enigmatic teenager.

They glanced quickly at the doorway to the living room, and lowered their voice, "Besides, I need your advice on something important." River turned their gaze back to Sebastian. "I want to propose to Nic." A nervous smile crept onto their face — a rarity in itself.

They’d been considering it for a while, and had been carrying a ring around in their bag for a month. After all, they’d known Nicolas for nearly a decade, and has been dating him for a solid three years - twenty four wasn’t an unreasonable age to want to get married, right? Still, what if he said no? What if he found out about those thoughts that occasionally flitted through River’s brain when they bumped into Sebastian on his way out of the bathroom after a shower? They loved Nicolas, obviously, and that was reason enough to want to spend the rest of their lives together, right?

Ugh, decisions were difficult.

Sebastian’s head snapped up, and he stared at them with wide eyes. His wide, unique, beautiful eyes…. River’s heart skipped a beat. 

When he finally spoke, it was in a low voice. “Advice number one: don’t ask someone who’s barely been in a relationship about extending yours permanently.” A quiet sigh escaped him, as he drummed his pencil on the notebook in front of him. “…You buy the drinks and we can talk about whatever you want, okay? I should probably get back to this. I’ve got less than an hour to go.”

River let out an excited squeak, and leaned over to pull him into a tight hug. "Thanks, 'Bastian. I know you've been through shit these past few weeks, but thanks for being there for me like this. You're awesome, and I don't understand why you're not fending off guys wanting to date you." They pressed a kiss to his cheek, before straightening up. “Give me a shout when you're about to leave, and I'll give you a lift out to the gas station."

When the only response was a grumpy Finnish curse, they laughed and slid off the table. Now they had a night out to plan, and a suitable outfit for the occasion. 


	3. Chapter 3

The following night arrived after an agonizingly slow day that ended before Sebastian realized it had begun. He couldn’t stop thinking about the upcoming night. River wanted to propose. River wanted his advice on proposing. He had to come up with some legitimate advice for someone in a long-term, committed relationship when his experience with relationships in general amounted to little more than a fucking romcom. He wished that kiss had been on the mouth—no.

River had asked him for advice like he ought to know one damn thing about that kind of commitment, but fuck that smile they had flashed him after looked so adorable and he desperately wanted to say so. Fucking hell he had a crush on someone in a relationship committed enough to take the next fucking step. What was wrong with him?

Fuck. He wanted alcohol, screaming music, some hook-up in a bathroom stall, anything to drown out some of his fucking problems. Life had sucked so much these past few weeks.

They made it to Faultline around eleven. Sebastian went and claimed a high table for them while River ordered the drinks. It was easier for them to get them since they didn’t have to rely on a fake I.D. No one had ever called Sebastian out for his—his features let him pass, helped along by the fitted black shirt and jeans he’d chosen for the night—but he always felt a little paranoid about it. Tonight especially with everything else going on. He just wanted to relax for a few hours.

His eyes swept the area, checking out a few guys closest to the table and lingering on one in tight jeans. Promising. He liked being in the clubs where it felt like he could actually look without setting himself up for disappointment. Not like at his high school or his temporary home—

No, fuck, not tonight. Not when River needed him to be a friend. Not to mention the plethora of very available options around him. However, as his eyes fell upon them weaving their way back through the crowd towards him in that goddamned black dress - their legs went on forever! - carrying a tray of drinks with the sort of ease that could only come with being used to walking in heels. Sebastian cleared his throat and averted his eyes as they returned to the table. Looking at other guys was infinitely safer than looking at his very unavailable friend and housemate. Looking at that one guy in the green shirt was safe, and not threatening any friendships

"Here you go." River set the glasses down on the table when they reached Sebastian, and hopped up onto the seat opposite. "Take that easy by the way — I don't think you want to be bomb-ass drunk by twelve." They teased, before taking a sip of their own drink. 

That was where River was wrong, Sebastian dryly thought. The sooner Sebastian numbed some of the fucking feeling in his chest, the happier he’d be. Not that he intended to tell them that. He wanted a few drinks in him before he sparked any heavy sort of conversation like why he sounded like someone on their way to becoming an alcoholic.

River glanced behind them, before back at him. "Hey, if you want to go get that, I'll be okay by myself for a while. That guy’s got a nice ass.”

His eyes shifted away from the guy as he picked up his drink. “Ask again after I finish this,” he replied dryly. Maybe whenever he managed to get out of his head and stopped being distracted by River’s outfit like he had since they left the house. Fucking hell as if he didn’t have enough awkward tension in his body as it was.

He banished those thoughts with a long drink. Thank god River never ordered anything light. Only cocktails with about fourteen kinds of liquor mixed together; a little on the sweet side but not overwhelmingly so. A few more of these and he’d be right where he wanted to be.

A long sigh escaped him as he set his glass down, “It’s just nice to be somewhere without _vitun_ studying to worry about.” Most of the time he’d spent out with Inari and the brothers doubled as hangout time and impromptu study sessions. It had to with all the hours he put in at work and the fucking AP courses he had to finish. One more lingering pain courtesy of his father. Fuck. It just felt fucking heavenly just not having a book anywhere in the room with him.

River snickered, and took a sip of their own cocktail. "That's something I really don't miss about school. Along with the self-entitled assholes and teachers who don't give a shit." They rolled their eyes. "But you're out, you're going to enjoy yourself, and not think about school for the rest of tonight." They reached over and gave Sebastian's thigh a reassuring squeeze. "What you gotta do now is relax, and have fun, and maybe find someone hot to enjoy for the night." They smirked mischievously. "Maybe I'll play matchmaker for you. After all, I have excellent taste."

Sebastian batted River’s hand away from his leg, lifting his glass back up to his lips. Too many concerns circulated through his thoughts already. River meant nothing by it, he knew; they only lacked an understanding of personal space.

That night when he first met them he’d learned that quickly when they put a hand on his shoulder and he’d almost decked them. An awkward conversation followed along with an apology not helped along by River teasing him about how he looked when he blushed. He’d made a real effort after that day to accept River’s affectionate nature. Honestly he enjoyed some of it, even before his fucking crush had developed. Not many people offered him hugs on a regular basis.

“Once I finish this drink, we are so going to dance!”

The mention of dancing, however, drew his attention back to the present. “Oh no. That only happened last time because I got a little tipsy. I can’t dance to save my life,” he grumbled. An exaggeration but one he felt was accurate so long as he’d be dancing near River. He lacked their grace even if he had a decent sense of rhythm. “If you want to go, do it. I can wait here.”

Just the thought of making an ass of himself out there beside River caught up in the pulsing music brushing up against them...or maybe even grinding... He banished the thoughts. No fucking chance.

River rolled their eyes. "You're no fun." They playfully griped. "Remind me again, how are you the wild teenager?" They teased, as they took another sip of their cocktail. "Come on, it'll be fun. Please?" They tilted their head slightly, giving their best puppy dog eyes. "One dance, and then you can sit here the rest of the night."

Before he could protest any more, the song changed to something bass-lined, and River’s eyes lit up, just as Sebastian’s sank. "Oh I love this song! Come on—" They set down their glass, and took Sebastian's wrist, gently tugging him up from the table.

“Wait, River, I don’t—” Sebastian trailed off as River tugged him out onto the floor. He could have physically pulled away from them, but he knew they’d flash him another disappointed frown if he tried to leave. Damn them and their fucking puppy eyes. If only he’d taken a second to chug the rest of that drink.

He shot them a glare once they made it to the floor though he started moving all the same. The writhing crowd around him demanded no less.

His body loosened up as he became absorbed in the music. It had that all-encompassing beat loud enough to shake him down to his bones and almost replace the heartbeat in a chest. The energy of the dancefloor infected him, smoothing his restrained movements into actual dancing. Fuck he had already lost track of time as the music blurred together in the background. He kept his eyes on River, the corners of his mouth turning up as he watched them move in the dim lighting. They made it look so easy. He wondered if they’d notice him lessen the gap between them enough to brush up against them accidently…

Suddenly someone pressed in behind him and a pair of hands found his hips. Not inappropriate, only an exploratory gesture. He glanced over his shoulder and found the guy from early dancing there with dark skin and that deliciously fitted outfit. Some disappointment flooded his chest seeing his other plans disrupted but he accepted the development without complaint. He actually stood a chance with the stranger.

Sebastian’s attention remained focused on his new dancing partner, half turning to get a better view of the man. The guy flashed him a charming smiling as he moved his hips in time with the beat. Sebastian didn’t return the smile but his eyes freely roamed the stranger’s body. Only an inch or so separated them in height but he looked fit with short cropped hair and tattoos covering the right side of his neck. Nothing to complain about there.

A few songs went by before Sebastian realized it. He never attempted to start a conversation, only bumped and brushed up against the man some to wordlessly flirt. Admittedly, Sebastian had little intention of doing much talking. A short time later, he decided to duck off the dance floor to get something to drink when his throat began to feel like sandpaper. The guy followed him until they had reached the outer ring of tables. “Hey, I’m Trevor,” he introduced him with that same smile he’d greeted Sebastian with, “You’re not a bad dancer if you don’t mind me saying. Do you have a name?”

That alleviated some of Sebastian’s concerns. If Trevor had complimented his dancing, he must be looking to get into his pants. He shrugged, “Sebastian. Nice to meet someone with tastes shitty enough to think my dancing is anything more than garbage.”

Trevor laughed good-naturedly at that. “Why don’t I buy you a drink and then we can talk some more about my shitty tastes?”

A suggestion that promised a satisfying ending to the evening. Sebastian contemplated his answer only to have River leap unbidden into his thoughts. Fuck. He had more to do tonight than screw the hot guy he’d met on the dancefloor. “I’m sort of…busy right now. Came with a friend tonight to talk. But maybe I could text you later?” he suggested as he pulled out a pen from his pocket and offered Trevor his arm.

An odd look crossed Trevor’s face before he smirked and took the pen. He wrote the number down in neat handwriting and said, “I’ll keep a close eye on my phone then.”

He handed back the pen and waved before disappearing back into the crowd. Sebastian picked up his drink from the table and downed the rest of it, savoring the burn. The fuck was wrong with him?

Suddenly River appeared from the crowds, a frown on their face that almost seemed...anxious? Sebastian raised an eyebrow but brushed their response off as concern. It was odd having someone who actually worried about him. His parents had never had time for that, not even when the notes started coming home from school about the fights, and it had fallen to him to keep track of his siblings. Honestly it almost seemed silly for anyone to bother themselves with him after all the years he’d survived looking after himself. 

“Oh, you’re...still here. That’s good.” They exhaled, and came back to the table. They picked up their drink again, and took a long swig of it before setting it down again. "What happened to the guy you were dancing with?

“He gave me his number and left,” he replied, neglecting a few of the awkward details of their interaction. “Might be worth a call later tonight. Just for fun, nothing serious.” Like he had the time or energy for a relationship with all the shit on his plate. Between school and work and his resilient crush on his unobtainable friend, he had nothing to spare. Until he finished high school his social life would have to remain on the backburner.

A pang of loneliness hit him as those long months stretched out in his mind. Nothing but plodding along to save money and graduate while watching River move their relationship forward with Nicolas. Fuck he needed a drink.

“If you want to keep going out there, I can wait for you over here. I’m probably just going to order another drink.” Or two. Or three. Whatever it took to numb some of the feeling in his chest.

Their eyes lingered on the digits on his hand for a second, but then they nodded. "I'm alright. That was enough dancing for now at least. Besides, it's no fun if you're not there." They flashed him a warm smile. They downed the remainder of their drink, before setting the empty glass down again. River's eyes rose to meet Sebastian's, and they sighed. "Just...please don't vanish on me like that. I had no idea where you'd gone, and it freaked me out." They earnestly said, looking across at him with big, open eyes. "If you're going to hook up with someone, please just tap me on the shoulder and let me know you're going."

That smile followed by River’s infamous puppy eyes turned Sebastian’s insides into jelly. One fucking look; he was either pathetic, desperate, or both. Obviously coming back for more of this had been a better idea than hooking up with the attractive man who’d already shown interest. Goddamn, fucking moronic brain.

He attempted to meet their eyes with a level gaze. “Sorry, I wasn’t going… I’m not used to keeping others updated. My parents never had the time to keep track of all of us. I’ve been more or less responsible for myself since I was eight.” His eyes shifted away from their face. “I’ll say something next time.”

An awkward pause followed. River always made him feel so much, like a fucking marathon but with uncomfortable emotional overload. “I’ll go get another round,” he said abruptly, turning before they could object, “Then we can talk.”

He shouldered his way through the crowd over to the bar, slipping some cash out of his front pocket. Thankfully he managed to find a familiar face. “Two Sex on the Beach,” he called over the music, hesitating for a breath before adding, “And a shot of vodka.” Javier, one of the bartenders River had introduced him to, nodded with a smile before going to make the drinks. Sebastian leaned against the bar trying not to think about where the conversation might turn tonight. Plenty of time remained in the night and they had more than enough topics to cover before…that. Like…work and friends and…fuck.

The drinks arrived before he lost himself in that dead end. Sebastian passed the money over the counter, slamming the shot immediately. A good, distracting burn. Just what he needed to get that buzz pulsing through his veins. He gave the bartender a quick nod and grabbed the other drinks, pushing his way back through the crowd.

He found River where he left them, only tucking away their phone into the absurdly tiny purse. Good. “Here,” he said as he put the glasses on the table and slid into the chair across from them. He took a sip of his drink. Fuck. On any other night conversation came so easily, but tonight his thoughts pulled in a hundred directions, none of which he wanted to talk about. He settled for the least painful. “How has work been?”

" _Gracias_ ," They muttered, and took a long sip of the sweet liquor. "And yeah, work is great. I think I'm going to quit Fusion." River looked across at Sebastian with a grin that was just too cute to not notice. "I've been looking for job listings, and there's an opening for a shop assistant in this cute little occult shop downtown which pays quite well with decent hours. I applied, and if I get the job, I can quit waiting tables for my dick of a father."

A smirk came to Sebastian’s lips. “About damn time. You’ve been stuck there forever.” He settled back into his chair, some of the tension leaving his body. Their earliest conversations had consisted of swapping stories about how much they hated working for their respective family businesses. Back then Sebastian had worked what might be charitably called an unpaid internship for his father whenever he decided he needed the extra help from his son. All part of Valto’s comprehensive plan for Sebastian’s life.

A plan he managed to destroy in a single evening. Despite all the shit he had dealt with since getting kicked out, he treasured the look of utter shook on his father’s face when he finally told him that he was going to be a tattoo artist. Like someone not jumping to do his bidding when he demanded it was beyond his comprehension. Coming out as gay had been the final twist of the knife that sent his father over the edge.

“You’ll get it,” Sebastian continued as he picked up his drink. “They’d be out of their fucking minds not to hire you. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who’s as good with people as you are. What kind of stuff do they sell?”

They ducked their head, smiling, and took another sip of their drink. "It's like tarot cards, and candles, and spellbooks and all that sort of thing. I met the owner when I went to drop in my application, and she's super sweet. She and her wife have been running the place for years and years."

A chuckle bubbled up. "Even when I don't mean to, I always seem to find the gays." They joked with another laugh, looking across at the teenager. "I mean, I found you here.“

As though Sebastian would ever forget that night. Inari had had to cancel, but he went anyway. The atmosphere of the club overwhelmed him in minutes, setting him on edge as he pushed his way through the crowd. So many people eyed him when he found a place at the bar. Thankfully he managed to avoid actually hitting the beautiful person who appeared a few minutes after that.

River continued, “God, you were so adorable and nervous that night — I could tell from across the room that you'd never even set foot in a gay club before — I just had to adopt you. Now look at you. Picking up hot guys in clubs, completely out of the closet....you've come a long way, and I'm proud." Their smile widened. "I'm a proud mama."

A chuckle escaped him as he took in River’s words. Adopted him; fuck, they saw their relationship so differently. He’d wanted to do more than talk that night, before he knew about their boyfriend. The boyfriend about to become their fiancé. Fucking hell he had a talent for finding the unobtainable ones.

He suppressed the sigh that rose from his chest. Better a small place in their life than none. “Not something I ever thought I’d do, not even if we had never moved over here,” he admitted as he took another drink, resisting the urge to drain the glass and feed the warmth building in his chest. “I still don’t get how it’s so easy for you. You never hold anything back, no matter who you’re with. It’s…amazing.”

If he’d had that kind of confidence, maybe he’d have said something that first night and killed this fucking crush before it took root.

“Well, I'm pretty fucking hot, so why not let the world know? You should think about doing the same." River teased, their eyes travelling over Sebastian. It took all his willpower not to visibly squirm in his seat under their X-ray gaze. Their looks always felt like they were stripping his skin off, layer by layer until all his insecurities were exposed. "Whoever you end up spending the rest of your life with.... he's going to be a very lucky man."

Their gaze weighed on him as they offered him that compliment. Some days their confidence in him seemed almost delusional. Hooking up with someone was one thing, but finding something permeant… He had more trust issues than anyone would want to deal with, his natural dourness turned most people off after they tried to talk to him, and he only ever found himself attracted to unobtainable men. Just slap on the warning label that his friends had to drag him away from work and he’d have a winning dating profile.

“We didn’t come here to talk about me,” he muttered, his eyes sliding away from their face. He took another drink before crossing his arms and leaning forward against the table. His problems needed to disappear for the night, not take over the conversation. Something he hoped to accomplish with another shot or two.

He managed to look them in the eye again, his usual mask sliding into place. “You wanted to talk about Nicolas.” He ignored the bile rising in his throat. Weeks of avoiding spending any time with them as a couple and he brought up the subject. Karma had a sense of humor. But this wasn’t about him. So long as River wanted his help as a friend, he’d give it to them.

River cleared their throat, and nodded. "Yeah, I wanted to bounce some ideas and thoughts off of you, and see what you'd think." They hesitated, and then asked, "First off, do you think that'd be something he'd be up for? You think he would want to spend eternity with me like that? I mean, there's like a seven year age gap between us. What if he wakes up one day and decides he wants someone his own age, someone more like him?" An expression of uncertainty and nervousness crossed River's face, making them seem vulnerable and much younger than their twenty-four years.

Like that the sting of jealousy brought a bitter taste to Sebastian’s  mouth. Eternity. River wanted to spend the rest of their life with Nicolas. The kindest human being Sebastian had ever wished to disappear from the face of the earth.

“There’s always a chance it won’t work,” he said plainly, examining the remaining liquid in his glass. “People change. Circumstances change. Putting a ring on someone won’t stop that.” Old memories came unbidden to his mind of nights when he’d spied his mother sitting alone with the kitchen, a towel pressed against her face as she tried to muffle her sniffles.

His eyes shifted back to River. “As long as I’ve known either of you, you two have been nothing but happy together. You’re different people, but you make it work. You complement each other.” He took another drink to distract himself from the pain in his chest. “And you both care about each other. I don’t see why that wouldn’t be enough to make things work.”

He forced himself to set his drink back down. This hurt…even more than he’d thought it would.

His words seemed to make River feel better though, and they smiled relievedly. "Ok, thanks." They ran a hand through their hair, loosening the elastic holding the braids together at the back. "It's just..." They exhaled. "I've been going back and forth about this for a while now, and I keep talking myself out of it, because I'm so fucking nervous."

They ran their thumb over the rim of their glass, and sighed. "Fuck, I've had the ring sitting in the pocket of my bag for about a month now, and I haven't done shit about it." River glanced across at Sebastian with a rueful smile. "I found it in this little vintage shop in Santa Monica when I was down there with Chris a while ago, and it just jumped out at me as something he'd love. It's a really simple silver band, but with a single sapphire set into it." Colour flooded their cheeks, as a smile played on their lips.

"I bought it on the spot, and ended up getting an inscription on the inside.  _ Besarte es como ver las estrellas _ . Kissing you is like seeing the stars." River recited, smiling fully now. "It was something he said to me on one of our first dates, and it's something I've always remembered."   
  


Sebastian should have gotten a double shot. Or maybe a whole bottle.

Of course Nicolas came up with a line poetic enough to be from a fucking love ballad. Whatever he touched was fucking golden. He could probably cook a five course meal from scratch while composing a love letter romantic enough to make even the most jaded person alive melt when they read it. Maybe he ought to try walking on the fucking water—

Goddamn it, Sebastian needed to keep his mind on task. This was about River, not himself. If sharing stories about their relationship helped them sort out their feelings than he’d listen without complaining. Later he could drink himself into oblivion.

“What’s stopping you then?” he asked, his tone even despite the internal turmoil, “I’ve never seen you speak anything but your mind, not even when you’re nervous.” Not like that fucking smile on their face left any doubt as to what they wanted.

"I don't know. I really don't know if it's me subconsciously self-sabotaging myself, or if I'm just not emotionally ready for marriage, or if I'm just being stupid and paranoid about everything." They shook their head. "Besides, now it's not just us two involved. There's you as well." River continued, looking across at him. "I know you'll be wanting to move out as soon as you can, get your own space and whatever, but you're still a part of the family, and I need to know that you'd be okay with whatever I end up doing." They tilted their head slightly, and offered a small smile. "What you want, matters."

A chill invaded Sebastian’s chest as River spoke. It was like some kind of sick joke, just another punch to the nose after a week of absolute shit. They asked his support, frankly deserved it after all they had done for him, but the words stuck in his throat. He wanted them to be happy, both of them and Nicolas despite the jealousy that coursed through his veins whenever he thought about them together. But this…fucking hell, anything but this.

“It’s your life, not mine. Do whatever the hell you want,” he replied, his tone sharper than he meant it to be. His eyes shifted back to his glass on the table, inhaling as he pushed back against the emotional whirlpool ripping through him. He had to get his mind off of his own problems. Being here for River meant more than his hang-ups.

A soft sigh escaped him, “I can’t decide this for you, Riv.” He picked up his drink, idly swirling the remaining contents while avoiding their eyes. “Don’t worry about me. The only thing that matters is that you’re happy with your decision.”

" _Gracias_ , Seb." They gratefully said, and leaned over, pulling him into a hug. And if he inhaled slightly to get that intoxicating perfume scent that they wore, nobody had to know.

The moment passed, and they pulled back to smile widely at him. "I'm going to go get us more drinks — want to try the rainbow?" River quipped with a laugh and slid down from their stool, their long legs unfolding.


	4. Chapter 4

About two weeks later, things had mostly gone back to normal. River still hadn't proposed yet — how could they when they were experiencing these weird feelings towards Seb? — but they still had the ring hidden in their bag and had sworn Sebastian to secrecy over the whole matter.

Now, unable to sleep, they tossed and turned in the bed, trying to find some damn position that would help them get some form of sleep. Of fucking course Nícolas had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Sleep evaded River though, and not even some fast and furious hand action wore them out enough for sleep. With a groan, River pushed themself out of the bed, and silently padded across the room, being extra careful not to wake their sleeping boyfriend. Maybe something to eat would settle them enough for sleep to carry them off. As Chris liked to say, there were few problems that a bowl of Coco Pops couldn’t fix. 

They headed downstairs, rubbing their eyes, and entered the kitchen, only to find Sebastian. Still awake, and working on his artwork. That brought a smile to River's face, as they leaned against the door frame. If only they'd been so studious in school, and so intent on work.

"What are you working on?" They asked, watching him.

“Just some potential designs for my portfolio,” he answered as he set his pencil down and slipped his glasses back onto his face. Fuck, he looked like Clark Kent, and River was absolutely here for it. If only he wore his glasses more often… “What are you still doing up?”

"Couldn't sleep," was River's response as they padded across the kitchen to the cupboards. They opened one cupboard up, and pulled out the box of Lucky Charms. If they weren't sleeping, they might as well eat something, and nothing tasted better at 2am than processed sugar.

They poured out a bowl, and added some milk, before swinging up onto the kitchen counter near Sebastian's spot at the table. Perched there, River picked up their bowl and peered over at the sketchpad open on the table. "Can I see what you've been working on, or is it top secret?" They asked, their tone light and teasing.

Actually, they were extremely envious of Sebastian's artistic skills. He could draw anything and have it look amazing, whereas when they tried to do anything semi-decent, it looked like some crap a kindergartener would make. Just another thing Sebastian made look so easy....

“It’s nothing special,” Sebastian said as he leaned back, balancing the chair on its back legs. River had a sudden urge to tell him to sit up properly, but they kept their mouth shut on that one. “Just a random design. I wanted to try out the henna tattoo style for something different.” A large flower design decorated the page blooming outward with many intricate details though one petal remained black where he had halted his progress. “I’ve scrapped three others attempts already but this one is…something.”

River peered over at the design on the page and nodded approvingly. "Looks good." They remarked, and scooped up another spoonful of cereal. "You've got real talent." The compliment came easily, and with genuine sincerity. They always loved seeing Sebastian's artwork and what could come from that brain of his.

Sebastian was smart, and talented, and they just wished he would see that more.

A thoughtful frown touched his lips. “This style is kind of relaxing. Different but with some structure like you’re chaining together existing images into something new.” He rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses. “Fuck, I’ve been awake for too long.” Sebastian picked up his mug with a short sigh, shifting his attention back to River. “Anything exciting happen to you today?”

"Not a whole lot. I started my new job." River couldn't help but grin though. It was nice to have these new prospects and to not have to deal with a homophobic and transphobic excuse for a father. "It's pretty sweet. Kit, who owns it, she's a proper darling, and so is her wife Schuyler. I was sat for like an hour yesterday listening to Kit's story about how she met Schuyler during the Summer of Love back in '69, and it's just adorable." They beamed. "You'll have to come by after school sometime and meet them."

“Maybe sometime the week after next. It’s spring break then. I’m working for most of it but I should have some free time between shifts.” He took a sip from his mug and set it back beside his sketchbook. “It’ll be nice to have a break from schoolwork.” Sebastian picked up his pencil to continue the pattern on what looked like the final petal. “So did you do anything other than talk to the owners today?” he teased, eliciting a pout from River.

Mouth full of cereal, River flipped their middle finger at Sebastian. Once they swallowed, River responded dryly, "You're a cheeky bastard when you want to be." Their words came with affection though, and a smile. It was nice to see Sebastian's truly humorous side come out, because it so rarely surfaced.

"But no, I got shown how to work the till, how to organise everything, just basic training." They shrugged. "It's a titchy little hole-in-the-wall shop, so it's not especially busy, but it's so cute that I don't even mind." Their grin widened. "I went for lunch with Chris today as well, and he kept dropping hints about Inari." River snickered. "Aside from the fact she's eighteen, she could kick his ass from here to Finland and back again. Then again, Chris is persistent if nothing else."

Chris de la Rosa was reminiscent of a puppy — adorably persistent and unfailingly optimistic. River had to admire his refusal to take no for an answer, especially when it came to romance. At least Chris knew what he wanted, and at least Inari was a girl worth pursuing....unlike Chris' last girlfriend. That had been a shitshow of epic proportions.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “He’d be better off trying to seduce an actual cougar. He’d have fewer injuries and it’d be faster. I probably shouldn’t mention the dance coming up though. I’d hate to make Chris jealous.” A smirk played on his lips. “I’d say he could take my place but that’d land him in trouble with the school and me in trouble with her, so I think not.” He refocused his attention on his drawing, as he continued, “I haven’t seen Chris in a while. Busy?”

They swallowed their mouthful of cereal, and nodded. "Yeah, he's been busy with his various temp jobs. One of them is care work for this little old woman, and he's absolutely loving it. He gets to sit with her all day and they play cards and stuff." River chuckled. "Actually, I think he's hoping she'll put him in her will for something when she dies, because she's like super rich." They rolled their eyes.

"We'll have to all get together at some point — I haven't seen Inari or Jasso and Oriel around here lately either, although I guess that's because they have exams and stuff to study for." River continued. "Is Jasso still trying to sleep with every available girl within a five mile radius?" They chuckled.

“I think he upped that to ten miles. The last girl came from Santa Monica out where his cousin lives.” Sebastian snickered, “He probably won’t be going far for the next few weeks though. His mother said something about grounding him until death if doesn’t turn his grades around in time to graduate. Oriel’s just pissed he has another year left. He’ll probably be in the same situation as his brother by this time next year.” Sebastian straightened up in his seat, pushing his glasses back up his nose. “I know I’ll be happy to never look at a book again. So far Inari’s the only one talking about college. The rest of us are getting jobs right away.”

"Well, you know you can live here for as long as you need." River softly said, as they put their now empty bowl into the sink beside them, and slid down from the counter. They came closer to the table, and peered over at the drawing now they had a better view of it.

Their eyebrows rose, and they nodded appreciatively. "Damn, you've got talent. I wish I could draw even half as good as you. _Tienes tanto talento_." River complimented, genuine sincerity ringing in their tone.

Then they got an idea, and their eyes lit up as they dropped into the chair beside Sebastian. "Hey, could you design me a tattoo? You know me and my sort of style, and I'd be so honoured to have something you've designed on my skin." River beamed at him, their grin wide and excited.

“You’d really want something of mine?” he asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice as his eyebrows shot up. Yet, beneath the cool exterior, River could tell that he was pleased about their request, and it made the warmth in their chest spread outwards. “Sure. I could give it a try. It’ll be good practice anyway. You’d have to tell me where you want it though and how big it should be.”

River's grin widened when Sebastian agreed to it — trying not to melt at that fucking adorable smile that came to his face — and nodded eagerly. "I was thinking of getting a chest piece, right across here." They placed a hand on their chest, just over their heart. "And you have full rein on size and everything with the design."

They beamed at him, already getting excited for this. "And then just think; one day you can actually tattoo this on me." River grinned, visibly swelling with pride. "You just gotta graduate first, and then the rest of your life happens." Their smile turned wistful, with a hint of sadness. "You'll get a great job, then meet some guy who'll make you overwhelmingly happy, settle down, maybe have a couple of kids, and live out your life like that." River sighed.

A few moments passed, before River shook their head, blushing a little. "It's late, and I'm babbling. _Mierda_." They muttered bashfully, ducking their head.

“You just need to practice more. Try going a month with four hours of sleep or less a day. Then you’ll be able to make it through a conversation at two am.” Sebastian chuckled slightly at his own joke. “Don’t worry so much about the future. It’s not that close. What you should be worried about is what sort of design I’ll come up with for you.” He flipped back through his random sketches, half-finished pieces, and failed attempts. “I was working a few things a few months ago that might work. Maybe something with flowers. I remember doing a few sketches back when I went with my brother and his then girlfriend to a botanical garden. If I could just find those…”

The page came up then, a few realistic sketches of various plants - exotic flowers, traditional blooms, twisting vines around archways. After a few pages, one caught their eye and River reached out to halt Sebastian's hand, touching the back of it. "I like this one." They tapped the illustration of the thorny roses. "Could you do something like that?"

Such a simple touch, but it left their skin tingling as though an electric shock had passed through both of them.

“Yeah, I could do something with this.” He flipped back to a clean page, abandoning his previous drawing. Already River could see the excitement in him for this new project. “Maybe a whole stem of roses spread out in a sort of ‘y’ shape. One in full bloom right in the center with smaller flowers and a few buds leading out to the sides. A few different colors with some decent shading. Then have the stem extend down the chest some.” Fuck, that would be perfect, given their affinity for low-cut tops. Just imagining the stem of the flower pointing down to their navel…. Perfect.

Before they could say anything else, Sebastian picked up his phone, and opened the browser, “ _Vittu_ , I need to practice these. I should find time to get back to that garden. It’ll be easier to get different angles if it’s actually in front of me.”

"Nu-uh. Right now, you need sleep." River shook their head, and closed the sketchbook over. "Or at the very least, no more work tonight." They gently said, and got to their feet.

“ _Nalkuttaja_ ,” he grumbled though he set the notebook down all the same.

"No complaints. C'mon, lets go sit on the couch and watch trash reality tv, or re-runs from the 90's. Whatever floats your boat," They quipped, and made their way back to the kitchen cupboards. "All while vegging out on junk food that my yoga teacher would probably beat my ass for eating." River snickered, as they surveyed the contents of the cupboard.

A few boxes of Girl Scout cookies that River always made a point of bu ying whenever the Girl Scouts came around. Nicolas' boxes of Raisin Bran and Special K sitting next to River's Cap'n Crunch and Coco Pops and Seb's grape nuts. And then...ah, yes.

They pulled down the double box of Jaffa Cakes, and the bag of popcorn, and wandered back into the living room behind Sebastian with a mischievous grin. "Lets see if I can ruin those abs of yours." River teased, smirking.

He followed them over to the couch and plopped down on the end opposite them; a little too far, but they would take what they could get. His hand closed around the remote and tossed it their way. “You’re the expert when it comes to finding trash, so have at it,” he replied dryly. He stole a Jaffa Cake from the box, a smirk breaking through his usual façade as he tore into it.

River caught the remote, and stuck out their tongue at Sebastian in response. "Hey, I like my reality shows, don't judge." They snarked back with a smirk, as they turned the tv on and started flipping through the channels.

This time of night, all that was on was tele-commercials for various household items, and re-runs of old tv shows. River wasn't necessarily a fan of late-night tv, but if it meant spending some long-due time with the teenager, they were willing to sit through some dead-boring commercial for the latest leather cleaner.

They idly clicked through the channels, until they accidentally landed on an adult chatline channel, currently displaying a particularly well-endowed man lounging on a sofa in nothing but a pair of tight briefs. River blinked, and glanced at Sebastian, a cheeky grin on their face. "I could leave you alone with some tissues and this channel if you want." They joked, laughing at the glare on his face.

“ _Vittu, ääliö_.” Not even his grumbled words could hide the visible flush creeping up his neck.

Before River could say anything else, the screen shifted to a gorgeous brunette woman in a set of silky lingerie that looked like something straight from River’s own underwear drawer. Still their thing, but less so Sebastian’s.

“You can’t be that desperate for action. Just find something else. Something with less…cringe. Hell, the shake weight commercial looks professional compared to this.” Sebastian remarked as he shifted positions on the couch.

River scoffed. "Please, I'm practically gagging for it lately, but nothing." They lounged back against the sofa, as they flicked the channel again, it changing to yet another adult chat channel. This one now sported a giant rainbow flag in the corner, as well as two scantily clad men in the same fashion as before.

Their expression turned thoughtful. "I mean, he's just never really in the mood any more. It used to be that we'd fuck on the regular, and it'd be amazing, but now any time we do, it's basic and boring and afterwards he just wants to go to sleep. It's been like this these past few weeks." Was it something to do with them? Was Nícolas just not attracted to them anymore? Just the sort of thing they needed on top of their already crazy mind. 

They glanced sideways at Sebastian. "Sorry, I'm guessing you don't want to hear about my sex life. Or lack thereof." River muttered, helping themself to another Jaffa Cake. "It's just fucking frustrating." After all, it wasn't as if River had stayed up late that night Sebastian had went out to see the guy from the club, and then felt incredibly guilty after getting themself off to fantasies involving the teenager. Absolutely not.

“Maybe he’s just stressed,” Sebastian suggested as he reached for the popcorn. “Have you tried talking to him about it?” His tone held a note of something else, something that River couldn’t quite place. Discomfort? Exhaustion? Or were they imagining the jealous note in there?

No..." River admitted. "But I keep thinking, what if it's me? Am I just not sexy anymore?" They glanced down at themself. Since it was like three in the morning, all they wore was a pair of soft blue cotton pyjama bottoms and a tank top sporting a Pokeball logo on the front. Not exactly exuding sex appeal. Shit, it was no wonder Nícolas wasn't up for it anymore.

They snuck a glance across at Sebastian. "I guess you're right though. Talking would probably be better than this." They grinned sheepishly. "Sometimes I wonder how you're even friends with an _idiota_ like me."

As they looked across at the teenager, their gaze softened, and a warm affection flooded their chest. " _No tienes idea de lo especial que eres para mí._ " River murmured, gazing at Sebastian as they fought against the flurry of emotions that rose up.

That flush came back again, but Sebastian held their gaze steadily. “Riv, you look fine,” Sebastian said, as he shifted on the couch to lean on the arm, his eyes dropping to the floor. “And you’re no dumber than I am. At least you can recognize good advice. Just worry about it tomorrow. So long as you’re in a listening mood though,” he continued, his tone casual and light, “Find something to watch that doesn’t involve calling half naked men at 3 AM. Maybe something with an actual storyline.”

River laughed. "What, you don't like looking at hot men in their underwear?" They teased. "Then you'd hate my Instagram feed — all I follow are hot people." They shifted back on the couch, getting more comfortable, and picked up the remote again.

At any other time River would have gladly taken the opportunity to relieve some stress, but not sitting here at 3 am beside their barely legal friend who they currently had very frustrated, mixed up feelings about. They needed to keep the line between that and Sebastian firmly drawn if they wanted to keep themself sane. Too much fantasizing would only lead to an awkward letdown that might wreck their friendship permanently, as well as their relationship with Nicolas. 

"Actually, check out Chris' Instagram — he's been really into the gym lately in his spare time, and enjoys documenting his abs on Instagram." River snickered, as an easy mood returned to them. "I mean, I love the man, but he's like a little puppy looking for attention." They flipped through the channels, finally getting away from the adult chatline channels.

"Although his abs are mad legit." They conceded with a laugh. "If he was queer in any way, I'd totally have fallen for him. Unfortunately though, he's straight, and pining for your best friend." River glanced sideways at Sebastian with a grin. "How is the ice queen by the way? Still breaking guys' heart left and right?"

“She hasn’t managed to fully maim anyone yet,” he replied as he reached for another handful of popcorn. “Mostly she just wants to survive finals like the rest of us. Still working one or two shifts a week at that little coffee house next to her apartment but she talked about quitting soon since the pay is shit. If it weren’t for the tips she draws in from customers, she’d be poorer than I am right now.” Sebastian chuckled. “She’s had a few people try to ask her to prom, but she’s shot them all down so far. There was one plucky freshman who seemed to impress her, but I never heard what happened after they went off to talk.”

"Why don't you just go with her then?" River suggested, shrugging. They flicked through the channels, disinterestedly skipping past some soap opera until they finally settled on some footage from an ice skating tournament. They glanced over at Sebastian. "I mean, you're best friends, so you'd have a good time together, and it would stop idiots from trying to ask her to the prom. That is, unless you were already going to ask some guy to go with you."

A mischievous smirk spread across their face. "Maybe I'll hook you up with one of the kids I know from the youth shelters. There's this one guy about your age — really sweet trans guy who I'm sure would love to go with you to prom. You could have the tux, the flowers, the embarrassing photos here before leaving..." Their eyes glinted with amusement.

“I’m good,” Sebastian replied flatly. “We’ve already got plans to go together with Oriel and Jasso. Sort of. Jasso will probably be off trolling the crowds most of the time. Nothing unusual there.” He leaned on the arm of the sofa. “The issue is that people know we’re only friends and now that I’m not interested in women at all. For Inari, most of the guys are just desperate to get one last shot at her. Not much she can do other than say no and/or punch them.”

River's expression softened as they watched Sebastian. That brought back memories of their own high school experience post-coming-out. The whispers and the hissed slurs — it wasn't nice. What made them different to Sebastian though, was that they'd risen to the occasion and openly defied the homophobes. Sebastian Tuisku was more of the type to bottle up his emotions until an explosion happened.

He lifted his hand, barely stifling a yawn. Christ, he was even more adorable in this sleepy state, River thought to themself with delight. “It’s typical drama, nothing to worry about. Just a few more weeks and it’ll pass. The only reason we’re bothering with any of it is so we can get into an after party for the free, shitty drinks.”

"Just get through the rest of the school year, and then it'll be graduation and I'll be standing there watching you get your diploma and cheering louder than any other loser in the audience." River beamed at him, yet letting the rest of the sentence go unspoken. Because I'm so damn proud of you and how far you've come.

They shifted around on the couch, attempting to find some comfortable position, before they eventually settled into a stretched out position with their head resting back against the teenager's knees, and their legs dangling over the arm of the sofa. He made no move to push them away, instead laying his head down to rest on his arms. River turned their attention back to the screen, watching with interest as the female skater executed a particularly complicated looking sequence of moves. "God, I wish I could pull off one of those outfits." They wistfully said. "So pretty..."

“You could do it easily,” he muttered, some weariness leaking into his voice. The skater moved into a blinding twirl, her sparkling dress flaring out to add to the spectacle. A soft chuckle escaped, “With your swagger, you’d make it look casual.” He fought back another yawn, failing this time. 

they tilted their head back to look at him. "Tired?" A fond smile crossed their face. "Sleep down here if you can't sleep in your own bed. It's a pretty comfy couch." Originally found in a thrift shop for like thirty bucks, the black leather was mottled and cracking — and extremely comfortable and squishy. River in particular enjoyed spending lazy afternoons lying there doing absolutely nothing else. There was no better way to spend a lazy afternoon.

They raised the remote up to Sebastian. "Here, you can choose something. I'm not fussed."

“I’m always tired,” Sebastian grumbled as he took the offered remote, “It doesn’t mean I can actually fall asleep.”

River watched the channels flip - the usual slew of ads for brand new dieting systems, the latest erectile dysfunction tablets, and all natural sleep aids passed by; infomercials for impossibly impressive crockpots and unbreakable knives mixed in among them along with one pan that guaranteed nothing would ever burn on it, which had River briefly wondering what they’d pay them to get Sebastian to test that claim using his cooking skills - before settling on an old episode of Charmed.

“Taika used to spend hours watching this. We only had the one TV so we all saw a few episodes. To this day she says it helped her learn English better than any class in school. Leevi caught every episode with her though he’d never admit it to anyone. _Vittu_ , she even got _Äiti_ into it by the end.” River could hear the smile in Sebastian’s voice as he talked about his family. Despite the shitty circumstances of getting kicked out, they could tell he still loved them deeply, especially his younger siblings. The smile faded though when they noticed the sad tone of the teenager's voice. It troubled them that he was feeling this miserable.

What could they do to make it better?

"Next time you're off for a Saturday, we'll binge watch it." River suggested with a small smile, tilting their head back to look up at Sebastian's face. "Junk food, and tv all day."

As they spoke, an idea suddenly appeared in their head, as clear as anything else. The perfect thing to cheer Sebastian up.


	5. Chapter 5

Sebastian stepped out of Inari’s car after she pulled into River’s driveway, grateful to be away from his hectic workplace. Before getting kicked out, he’d shared a car with his mother which left him high and dry on his own. Not for too much longer though he hoped. His car savings had grown steadily since he started it at sixteen and while it was nowhere near enough to buy a new car, he had enough for a fixer upper provided he found a good deal. Until then he had to rely on cabs and his generous friends who willingly gave up portions of their day to drive him around.

Inari rolled down her window and called after him, “Hey, text me tonight when you get around to the research worksheet. I can never remember how to do the _vitun_ sources.”

He arched an eyebrow at her. “What makes you think I know any better?”

“Two people Googling goes faster than one. Just call me, grumpy, so I can light up your life for half an hour over an English worksheet.” She gave him a wink as she moved the car into gear. “Have fun with your lunch date.”

She backed out cackling as he flipped her off, far too exhausted to let her jab rile him. Somedays he wondered how and why he put up with her. He turned around and started for the front door. River had mentioned something to him the other day about being home for lunch though they refused to say anything more than they had something fun for them to do. Not that he needed much more of reason. Hanging out with River—just River—always had some appeal to it. Even when he felt half-dead from the stress of schoolwork or money.

He walked in the front door, pushing it closed behind him as he took off his shoes. Before anything he ought to get changed into something more comfortable and maybe even consider a shower--

“ _Veli_!” A familiar figure burst around the corner, slamming into him with a fierce hug.

He glanced down, almost unable to believe his eyes when he saw Taika of all people hanging off of him. “Taika, _mitä vittua sinä täällä teet_?”

She gave him an extra squeeze, almost cracking his back in the process. Someday he swore she was part gorilla. “Don’t be stupid. We’re here to visit you.”

“We?”

Leevi peered around the corner, relief visible on his face when he saw his older brother. “Hey, Seb,” he called with a slight wave.

Not only Taika but Leevi? Sebastian had to give his brother a slight smile. “I thought you had a date this weekend.”

“Not…until later,” he replied, one of the only people Sebastian knew who routinely went out and still managed to be shy about it.

Nea got up off the arm chair as her siblings spoke, calmly walking past Leevi. Sebastian blinked when he saw his youngest sister appear as well. “Hi, Seb,” she said, her voice quiet but bright.

As soon as Taika backed away, Sebastian pulled Nea into a hug which she gladly returned, a slight smile on her face. “Hey. _On hyvä nähdä sinua,_ ” he said, holding out the hug longer than he might have on any other day. When she pulled away, he glanced between the three of them. “How did you all get here?”

Taika giggled, “Leevi drove, but if you mean how did we find this house, River invited us all over.”

He glanced up, noticing them for the first time, his usual indifferent mask replaced by a genuine smile. “ _Gracias_ , Riv,” he said, using one of the few Spanish words he knew how to pronounce. It seemed fitting.

" _No hay problema_." They waved a hand, smiling. "You were missing them, and they were obviously missing you as well, so I made it happen." Their warm gaze settled on Sebastian, sending the butterflies all aflutter in his stomach . "Anything to make up for the _mierda_ you've had to go through this past month. You deserve an afternoon to sit with your sisters and brother, and have fun."

They gestured to the sofa. "Relax and whatever, and I'll go make lunch. I found a recipe for this awesome little cheese and veg tart things, and I'm also making BBQ chicken wraps." River flashed them all a grin before they turned and headed back into the kitchen

As Sebastian watched River retreat into the kitchen, Taika pulled him over to the couch. He took a seat on the end nearest the arm chair as Taika plopped down beside him while Nea reclaimed her spot on the arm chair and Leevi continued to stand on the other side of the coffee table. Typical behavior for his brother whenever he felt nervous and River had always made him nervous.

Sebastian’s musings were quickly derailed as Taika returned them to the conversation they had begun the other day in the hall. Namely about how much she hated life science and doing the dissections, how that absolute psycho Amanda Jacobs had thrown frog guts at some other girl she had gotten into a tiff with, and the only good thing was the fight meant no one finished the worksheet. However history class she had begun to enjoy because of an upcoming partner project about the Russian Revolution. Based on the look she exchanged with Leevi, he suspected there was more to that story but decided to pry into that another time.

He turned the conversation to Nea then and asked how she had done in school the past few weeks. As usual, she shrugged and said it was school so okay. Her real excitement emerged when she filled him in on the community play group she had gotten involved with the previous year. “Ms. Hanson said I could be her assistant this year and the prop master,” she said, her eyes sparkling. “I just hope that mean I really get to do some directing and she’s not just trying to appease me.”

A chuckle escaped him, “Knowing you, you’ll find a way whatever Ms. Hanson intends.” Nea had always had an uncanny ability to get her way.

An observation she looked far too pleased about.

His gaze shifted to Leevi who had spent most of the conversation munching biscuits. Unlike the girls, he saw his brother a little more often which meant he kept mostly up-to-date on his life. “Hey, what was it you wanted to tell me the other day?”

“Ah, yeah,” Leevi as he swallowed the current cookie in his mouth. A quick throat clear followed. “ _Äiti_ got a call from _Setä_ Elias the other day. He had gone in to the doctor with some digestive issues about a week ago and the test results came back in.” A heavy paused followed before he met Sebastian’s eyes. “They said its pancreatic cancer. He has a month, maybe less.”

That Sebastian had not expected to hear. Their uncle had always been the picture of health. The words stuck in his throat for a moment before he asked, “How are _Äiti_ and _Isä_?”

“You know _Isä_. Busy at work as usual. But Äiti arranged for all of us to go over there for spring break, to say our goodbyes.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry you won’t be coming, Seb.”

Sebastian gave his brother a shrug. “Don’t worry about it.” The relief on Leevi’s face was immediately clear. So much as he wanted to visit his homeland, he’d rather not do so with his parents. He made a mental note to reach out to his uncle online, just to check in

Some time later, River returned to the living room, expertly balancing multiple plates on their arms — one of the few skills they'd carried over from working so many years waiting tables at Fusion, he suspected. "Food's ready!" They announced cheerfully, as they approached the coffee table.

As they slid the plates down onto the table, their eyes flickered up to Sebastian, and he gave them a smile that hopefully communicated how grateful he was to them for setting this whole thing up. Allowing him this time with his siblings, away from their father’s influence, meant more to him than anything else. 

"Veggie tartlets, and BBQ wraps. Enjoy." River set the last plate down, and sank down into the free spot on the other side of Taika. Only once each of them had taken something, did they take some food for themself.. So fucking gracious, all the time. On anyone else, it might have been an irritating quality, but somehow it worked with River. 

"So—" They glanced sideways at Sebastian with a mischievous smirk, before turning to the girls and Leevi. "Who can tell me all the embarrassing childhood stories about Seb? After all, I can always use some blackmail material." They teased. "The more embarrassing, the better."   
  


Taika perked up immediately, swallowing the mouthful of tartlet before offering them a grin. “Please, we’ve got loads of those. Probably a few hours’ worth if I really dug through my memory, but we probably don’t have time for that so I’ll stick to my favorite one.”

Oh fuck, he knew exactly which one she meant. “Taika, no.”

She stuck out her tongue. “There was this one time _Äiti_ had gone out with _Isä_ to run some errands, but they had forgotten about my ballet practice across town. Walking would have taken longer than my practice lasted so Seb agreed to take me in _Äiti’s_ car.”

“Under the condition that you never tell anyone,” he grumbled.

His complaint went in one ear and out the other. “Illegally I might add since you can’t get a license to drive back in Finland until you’re eighteen. He was going easily twenty under the speed limit, getting a whole line of cars pissed off since no one could get around. That was until one car pulled up behind us that Seb thought was a police car. He hit the gas so fast I almost missed the sight of the old lady flipping us offer with the most confused look on her face.” She broke off her story, giggling. “ _Isä_ still doesn’t know where that speeding fine came from.”

Leevi shifted in his spot on the floor, taken willingly once he’s retrieved a plate of food. “What about that time he fell down a mountain trying to teach me how to snowboard?”

“If you’re telling that, then you’d better lead with the one about you screaming bloody murder when you went down that slight dip in the ground before we even went up,” Sebastian shot back, eyeing her brother’s plate and adding out of habit, “And stop avoiding the vegetables. You’re sixteen, not five.”

A blush covered Leevi’s cheeks as he took another bite of his wrap.

Nea shifted in her seat and tucked her legs under her, her voice soft as she said, “None of those are as good as the time I convinced the lot you we had an alien trying to break into the house. Took you almost all day to figure out the truth.” The three older siblings glared at her as she nibbled on a tartlet with a satisfied smirk.

"Oh _mierda,_ that's funny." River cackled with laughter. They glanced sideways at Sebastian with a grin. "You know, maybe me meeting these three wasn't necessarily a good idea. For you at least." They teased. "Because I'm pretty sure between the lot of us, we have enough blackmail material to get you to do pretty much anything."

“ _Mulkku_ ,” Sebastian grumbled as he rolled his eyes at River’s antics. Some days, such as today, he felt sympathy for all that Chris must have endured after befriending River.

His grumbling didn’t seem to faze them though, as their gaze turned over to Taika, and they offered up a warm smile. "I like your makeup." River complimented, their tone bright and excited. "When I was your age, I had no idea how to do my makeup that well. I resorted to Youtube tutorials to teach myself. I really need to get my nails done though — these ones are trash." They looked down at their hand.

Taika perked up when she heard the compliment, excitement shining in her eyes. “Thanks, I’m super happy about how it turned out today,” she admitted, blinking her eyes to show it off along with the light eyeshadow and pink lip gloss she had selected to match her dress.

“I got lucky, really,” she continued as she focused her attention on them. “ _Äiti_ only ever showed me how to put on blush but when we moved here, I got to learn a lot from the choreography for my dance team. He’s a professional makeup artist in the movie industry but he volunteers with our team for fun. He loves teaching us how to do the fancier stuff for shows and he’s always happy to offer us suggestions for daily wear. Last year, he even bought everyone super cute brush sets as a reward for winning the championship in our division. If we do it again this year, he said he’ll get us some eye palettes from Sephora.” She giggled, “I don’t know if he’s crazy or if he just thinks we’re going to lose.”

She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “ _Äiti_ wasn’t happy about me wearing more makeup at first but when I got her to let me show her a few things, she lightened up. Now she doesn’t mind; she even lets me help her out when we have a formal event to go to. I still can’t get Nea to wear any though. She says it’s too much work.”

The only response from Nea was a tongue stuck out.

Taika ignored her sister as she examined River’s nails. “They don’t look that bad. If you’d like, I could try to do them after lunch. I’ve gotten pretty good at doing other people’s nails since everyone on the team is always asking me for help.”

River's smile grew. "Yeah, that'd be awesome." They got up from the sofa, and crossed the room to the bookcase, where a small black bag sat on the shelf. Retrieving it, River returned to the sofa and opened it up. "Wait til you see these brushes I bought last year — they're absolutely gorgeous, and completely worth what I paid for them."

They lifted out a foundation brush, and turned it around to show Taika the whole thing. The handle was glass, fashioned to look like the stem of a rose, before blooming out into a rose bud where the brush part was at the top. Even Sebastian had to admit how pretty the brush was. "These cost me a pretty penny, but they're absolutely worth it."

Before he could interject though, River glanced over at Nea and gave her an equally warm smile. "And by the way, you really don't need makeup. You're gorgeous enough that you don't even need any." They grinned. "Those big grey eyes, you'll have all the boys — or girls — knocking down your door for a date."

Nea gave no response but offered River a little smile in return.

A warm feeling filled Sebastian when he saw the interaction. Nea received fewer compliments from her family than she deserved and Taika, while she meant well, tended to think her way was the only way which lead to more than a few arguments between the two. Though he couldn’t resist responding to their last comment, “Hell, no. She’s not allowed to date anyone until she’s thirty.”

Taika scoffed, tearing her eyes away from admiring the brush to give her brother an unimpressed look. “Yeah, that’s what you said about me and Leevi, but look at us…” Her eyes widen as a spot of color appeared on her cheeks.

“But…?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Leevi perked up, having feigned disinterest in the conversation about makeup. He gave a shit-eating grin as he prompted his sister, “Yeah, Taika, ‘byr’ what?”

“That just sounded stupid, _idiootti_ ,” Taika growled.

Leevi folded his arms over his chest and with a hmm, evidently more impressed with his attempt at wordplay than his sister at been.

The bickering did nothing to deter Sebastian. “Taika, the fuck is he talking about?”

“It’s Leevi, he’s just being stupid,” she argued with a dismissive hand gesture, “Anyway I totally just remembered that my dance team got out schedules yesterday. Our first competition is going to be the Saturday after school is out. You can come, right, Seb? You’ll be graduated and everything and it’s only one day. Please.” She made the sad little puppy eyes she loved to use whenever she wanted to get her way. “ _Äiti_ said she’ll be able to go, but _Isä_ is going to be out of town.”

Sebastian chose to drop the last topic though he remained suspicious of it. Maybe he’d get it out of Nea later. He nodded and assured her, “Yeah, I’ll get the day off.” He made an effort to go to all his siblings events whenever he could to make up for their father’s absences. Not a perfect solution to that problem but the best he could do. He never wanted his siblings to experience the same disappointment he had growing up.

An excite squeal escaped Taika as she gave her brother another hug, thankfully without dumping the food on either of their plates. “Thank you, it’s going to be so great!” She leaned back, grinning from ear to ear. “We’re mixing in some modern techniques for a more creative segment to go along with the traditional ballet portion and I can’t wait to see what we come up with. It’s going to be fantastic!” She turned back to River with a grin. “You should totally come too. The competitions are always super fun. You get to see so many great dancers—I mean, we’re the best, but the other teams aren’t bad—and the makeup gets really fancy and flashy.”

“Taika…” Sebastian said, stopping himself before he could put his foot in his mouth. River going with to his sister’s dance competition seemed so...much for friends to do together.

He held his breath for a moment, anxiously awaiting their response…. 

"If I'm not working that day, I'll definitely come. It'll be awesome to see if you can back up your claims about how good you are at dancing." They teased, laughing as they nudged Taika. "Hit me up on Facebook and send me the details."

Okay, so this seemed okay to them. Sebastian exhaled, and reached down to grab another tartlet from the tray. Momentary panic over - sort of. 

"That said, we should totally set this up again the next time you guys have a Saturday free, or even during the week after school." River tucked a braid behind their ear, their hazel eyes clouding over a little. "I realise it's been hard on all of you since what happened, but I want to make that easier if I can, and give you all a place where you can spend time together for even just an afternoon a week at least." Their gaze cut to Sebastian, and they softened. "Family matters." They softly said.

Sebastian forced himself to remain calm when River glanced his way. Between that fucking, sappy look on their face that always seemed to pop up when he needed it least and the apparently platonic outing they had just planned for a few months from now, his heart threatened to break through his rib cage as it raced in his chest. They were just friends he had to remind himself. Just friends.

Thankfully Taika never waited long to jump back into a conversation. “That would be fantastic. It’ll be so much easier without school to get in the way. I’d love to come and hangout whenever you’re free,” she replied, her comment directed at both River and Sebastian.

Nea nodded her agreement, though he knew both girls had full schedules even in the summer thanks to their extracurricular activities.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea,” Leevi said, clearing his throat from his place on the floor, “It’d be cool to do this again, you know, whenever there’s time. I’m sure I can find some time between my work schedule and my…other stuff..”

Taika rolled her eyes, “Just because you have a new girlfriend, does mean she has to take over your life. If it’s so hard to be away from her, just bring along sometime.”

“It’s not that serious,” Leevi insisted, “I just mean that I’ll be spending some time with her this summer. And my friends. I hang out with my friends too.”

Sebastian smirked at his younger brother. “Sure you don’t need a chaperone again?”

“No!” Leevi shouted, his cheeks coloring, “Ah…I mean, I can drive myself now.”

“He thinks he can score now that he has a car,” Taika snickered.

“That’s not…I never even thought about that. I only want…” he attempted to defending himself, giving up part way through and forcing a smile as he diverted his attention away from his siblings. “You know, River, I don’t think I’ve ever heard what you actually do for a living.”

"I actually have two jobs. Monday to Friday, I work 9 to five at a little occult shop in Santa Monica, and then I bartend a few nights a week at a club in Los Angeles. Both pretty awesome jobs, and they pay enough for me to get by comfortably. My partner works at an accounting firm, so I'm glad I'm the one with the fun job."

Great, because that’s just what Sebastian wanted to hear about over lunch. His crush’s overly sweet boyfriend with a well-paying job that Sebastian could only dream about having. 

Before he could change the subject though, River - in typical fashion - moved onto a whole other subject all on their own. “So Nea, I heard you're into directing and plays? What play are you putting on at the moment?" River asked with genuine interest. They always did that, finding some way to be excited about others’ passions, and it was really fucking impressive as far as Sebastian was concerned. "Please tell me it's a musical. I absolutely love musicals. A friend of mine managed to score tickets to freaking Hamilton last summer in New York, so me and another friend went with her to see it, and it was amazing." They beamed widely. 

Nea’s eyes widen when she hear that. “That would be amazing. I’ve always wanted to see a Broadway show someday.” She shook her head as she continued, “But we did a musical last year so no. It’s going to be a play about Japanese ghost stories actually.” A grin stretched across her face. “I’ve already read the script and it’s got some real potential. I really want to try and make it really creepy. Send the audience home shivering.”

Taika frowned. “Yeah, I’ll be skipping your play this year.”

“It kind of sounds cool actually,” Leevi admitted with a shrug, “Not like the usual middle school plays about animals or fairytales.”

“I’m glad our director likes taking chances like this,” Nea agreed, her excitement all too clear. “I only hope our actors are up for it. There is nothing more disheartening than getting a terrible acting pool to choose from and watching that kill a performance. But this isn’t elementary community theatre anymore. You usually get people who try a little harder than that.”

Sebastian shook his head with a slight smile on his face. “You know, you’re going to need to restrain yourself some or you’ll get a shit ton of parents on your director about not being family friendly enough. Then you’ll have to wait until high school to try and do another horror play.”

“I refuse to compromise artistic integrity for the pathetic masses,” Nea scoffed.

“There’s a difference between acceptable artistic integrity and squeezing intense horror scenes into a middle school play.”

Nea folded her arms. “If you’re referring to the Three Little Pigs script two years ago, I could have made that finally death scene a showstopper if my director had let me try that trick with the stage blood.”

“Do I want to know?" River queried with a laugh. They shook their head, and reached over, nabbing a tartlet from the plate on the coffee table. "I think if you're going to do something, you might as well go the full hog and do it well. Go big or go home." They shrugged, smiling. "You know, there's an opportunity for the two of you to collaborate here." River eyed both girls. "Nea, you could enlist Taika as a choreographer-slash-makeup-artist, and make it really good." Their eyes lit up as an idea occurred. "Oh, and you could bring in Seb to help as well."

They glanced over at Sebastian with a laugh. "Use those artistic talents of yours for a good cause." River teased. "I can imagine you painting sets with a broody expression, just ignoring all the hopelessly love struck middle schoolers." Another laugh bubbled up. "True heartbreaker."

Sebastian rolled his eyes at River’s antics though a small feeling of pride rose in his chest. They complimented people often and tended to exaggerate, so he thought, but it did give him a bit of an ego boost. Not that he cared if any middle schooler thought he was attracted so much as he cared if they thought that…

“Don’t remind me,” Taika groaned, “A bunch of my friends are always getting weird about that stuff. Talking about how hot my brother is and all that _paska_. It’s so creepy. It’s just…he’s my brother. It’s weird to think of him as any other than normal. No offense.”

“Mmhmm,” he replied, unable to keep the smirk off his face.

Leevi perked up some. “Do they say that about both of us?”

“Not really,” Taika replied with a shrug. She frowned when his shoulders noticeably drooped. “It doesn’t even matter! You have a girlfriend and plenty of other girls have liked you. What my friends think about both of you doesn’t even matter. You both look fine, just…ugh! Boys are so weird.”

“They’re both too old to help anyway,” Nea said, returning to the previous conversation. “The theater breaks up the groups by age unfortunately. They would both be in the high school group.” A slight smile returned to her face as she pictured being in that group.

“Besides, I wouldn’t agree to it. Nea would make me do something weird like make someone look like they had their head cut off,” Taika complained.

“You’re just not up to a real challenge.”

“No, you just like weird _paska_.”

“You think everything you don’t like is weird.”

Sebastian shook his head at the familiar scene of the girls bickering. Before he’d have glared at River for setting them off but today it almost seemed like a nostalgic experience rather than the everyday annoyance it used to be.

Leevi cut in, turning his attention back to River, “This is why they don’t work together. It always ends as some kind of grudge match when they do.”

“Please, I’m loving this. I don’t have any siblings, so I missed out on all these sorts of moments.” River sighed wistfully before grinning wickedly. "Taika, you know stage makeup's actually pretty cool. People can look like literally anything from a zombie bride to—" They waved their hand randomly. "—I don't know, an old wizened man with wrinkles. It's amazing what you can do with prosthetics and some makeup."

Taika scrunched up her nose. “Yeah but I don’t want to be the doing it. Zombies are just gross, especially when the makeup gets super realistic. No way would I ever do something like that.”

“Taika’s never had a strong stomach when it comes to gore,” Sebastian explained, smirking at his sister, “She almost fainted last summer when Leevi cut his knee open trying to longboard.” The girls shared an interest in the arts but other than that had very little in common, an issue not helped along by Nea’s tendency to terrorize her siblings. He hoped someday the pair would come to some kind of understanding someday though he suspect it might take moving out of the same house.

“I’m the one that makes sense. You two are the weird ones who like all that gross stuff,” Taika muttered grumpily.

Leevi nodded. “Yeah, you’re nuts. Everyone already knows the greatest movie ever is Monty Python and the Holy Grail.”

\--

Chaos took over the remainder of that conversation as River got a good earful of Sebastian’s siblings squabbling. Despite the heated debate, he appreciated seeing all of them again. They seemed to warm up to River, the girls more so than Leevi, but even he made some progress. He actually managed to speak to them without constantly avoiding eye contact.

Everyone stuck around until later in the afternoon when Leevi had to leave to get ready for his date and Nea mentioned going to see a friend for the evening. Taika refused to give away her own plans though Sebastian suspected it had something to do with a guy based on Leevi’s continual smart remarks. Suspicions which he confirmed with a quick text to Nea.

A good sign for the week to come. Spring break had finally arrived and the end of his torturous high school career had come into sight. He had a whole week to bring in some real money, maybe even spend time with his friends doing something fun. That afternoon though he intended to relax up his room for a few hours and get to work on that design for River. The new project allowed for a nice change of pace from his latest attempts to broaden his artistic horizons. Instead of some random design he got to make an image for someone that he actually cared about. As a friend.

He had come down into the kitchen for a bowl of cereal, too lazy to throw together a salad or anything resembling a proper lunch. His phone buzzed repeatedly in his pocket as he poured the cereal. Probably one of his coworkers getting back to him about the shifts he offered to pick up. He pulled it out of his pocket as he picked up the milk from the fridge, swiping across the screen before answering. “Hello?”

“ _Hello, Sebastian.”_ He froze when he recognized the voice speaking Finnish on the other end of the line. Weeks without one attempt to contact him, not even to see if he’d managed to avoid ending up on the fucking street, and his mother just called him on a random Sunday afternoon. Bile rose in his throat as he set the milk carton onto the counter.

_ “What do you want?” _

_ “Sebastian, please—” _

“ _What do you want?”_ he repeated sharply.

A shaky sigh came from the other end of the phone. “ _I called to ask you something. Your brother told you about Uncle Elias when he went to visit you the other day, yes? That we were going to fly over and visit him during the break?”_

_ “What about it?” _

_ “I…would like you to come along with us.” _

Fucking what? His narrowed as he stared down at the counter. “No.”

_ “Sebastian, please—” _

_“You don’t get to call and act like nothing happened,”_ he spat into the speaker, _“The only reason we’re not having this conversation in a homeless shelter is because I have friends who give enough of a fuck to offer me a place to stay. Which is more than I can say about you.”_

_ “The situation was complicated.” _

_“Complicated?! You threw me out into the fucking street.”_ It still burned his pride to say the words. To admit how helpless he’d been that day. _“All because I refused to settle for the shitty existence you both planned for me. There’s nothing complicated about it. And, what, now I pretend none of that happened so that we can all go home together and act like my life hasn’t been hell for the two months? Because I have enough on my plate trying to finish my schooling while finding a way to fucking feed myself without—”_

_“Elias is dead!”_ she shouted, her voice breaking as a sob escaped her. Sebastian felt his heated words die on his lips as he listened to her trying to calm herself on the other end of the phone. She took a deep breath and continued, “ _He passed late last night. They’re going to hold the funeral on Friday.”_

He leaned forward on the counter, trying in vain to process this. Only yesterday did he learn that his uncle was sick at all but now he was just…gone. “ _Why does that make a difference?”_ he asked, a cocktail of bitterness and pain leaking into his voice.

_“Your father…your father can’t come. He said a big account is due by the end of the week and he can’t afford to be away. I have his ticket and it shouldn’t go to waste. Bastian, I…”_ she sniffled, “ _Your uncle would have wanted you to come.”_

The invitation sounded like one of convenience, something so that his mother won’t have to admit to their family what had happened. Or maybe…maybe it meant something else. The words stuck in his throat behind sudden tightness. He tried to swallow, to find some way to answer her, but she sounded so miserable.

_ “The plane leaves tomorrow at 6 pm. I know it’s sudden but it would mean so much to…everyone if you came.” _

A few seconds of torturous silence passed before he replied, “ _I’ll call you back.”_ He ended the call and dropped his phone onto the counter if only to avoid hurling it across the room. A chain of profanities slipped out underneath his breath as he rubbed his temple, trying to sort through the whole mess.

"'Bastian, what's wrong?" River’s soft accent cut through the kitchen, and he turned to face them. Instantly their face crumpled and they flitted across the kitchen to his side. "Talk to me, maybe I can help in some way?" They pulled Sebastian into a hug, resting their chin atop his head. "What's up?"

Sebastian stiffened when River wrapped their arms around him, caught somewhere between relief and panic. A cocktail of emotions old and new churned within him, adding to the exhaustion that he had carried with him for weeks. He needed to be somewhere else.

“ _Irti minusta,_ ” he snapped as he pushed them away. He regretted the action the second he lost that gentle touch but he needed the space. Or wanted it. Or had no fucking idea what he wanted other than something to deaden all the emotion inside him. “It’s nothing. Just more shit to deal with.”

He returned to the counter to pour milk into the bowl, mostly to do something with himself. Something that didn’t involve thinking. But the pressure only built the longer he stood there in silence. “ _Äiti_ called to let me know that _Setä_ Elias died last night,” he said, leaning on the bitterness in his voice to mask the quiver. He slammed the carton back down on the counter, swiping away the tear that managed to slide down his cheek when he blinked. “She had to share the shocking news that _Isa_ is too much of a _helvetin_ _runkku_ to go to his own _lanko's_ _vitun_ funeral. Like no one knew that the _paskiainen_ doesn’t _anna paska_ about family if he might lose money! _Vittu, vituttaa niin vitusti_!” He took a few steps to the side, keeping his back to them. “Neither of them give a fuck about what happened. All Äiti did was make _vitun tekosyitä_ like I should be the one to feel sorry for her dealing with _isän paska_. I should come along to the funeral like nothing vitun happened and we’re still a _iso, täydellinen perhe_. Like I would mean anything to them if they didn’t have to explain what happened to everyone else without me there.” He gave a harsh laugh. “ _Kuka minä olen tosissasi?_ They’d probably just make some shit up.”

He swallowed as the wave of frustration subsided, leaving an empty void behind it. “It doesn’t matter,” he grumbled, “I don’t know why I’m yelling at you when I have shit to do. I’ll…just go.” He turned to make his way out of the kitchen, planning to crash back in his room until he came up with some answer to his unknown questions.

Suddenly River’s hand caught his arm, " _Espere_!" They stopped and let out a breath.

The hand on Sebastian’s arm stopped him, the earlier aggression melting away. He didn’t want it to. It was easier to get pissed off and yell about the whole shitty situation. More acceptable than any of the emotions rushing in to fill the void in his chest. But River had never cared about what was acceptable.

"You should go to Finland for your uncle's funeral. Not for your parents, but for you to say goodbye to your uncle and just for yourself." Their eyes studied him intently, and yet again it felt like they could see every inch of his black, damaged soul. They let go of him, and ran a hand through their hair. "I've got frequent flier miles you can use for your ticket, so you don't have to piggyback off your family. I know that's not something you really want to do. Make this trip, make your peace with everything, and..." River hesitated. "And come back in one piece, please?"

“You don’t have—” he trailed off when his voice shook again. His teeth sank into his lower lip. He needed to be somewhere else where he could collect himself. Anywhere but here. He glanced up to finish his thought but stopped when he saw their face. Something inside him just broke. “ _Vittu_ ,” he muttered under his breath, his voice weary as he closed that tiny gap between them and wrapped his arms around them.

He nuzzled against their chest, silent tears escaping him. They had no reason to let him, not after what he did, but he couldn’t fall apart like this alone. It had never been part of his life growing up. Then he always had to stay strong. First for his father—it pained him so much to think his son might feel something negative after years of disappointment—and then for his siblings when the time came for him to disappoint them. Crying was a selfish demand for attention that couldn’t be spared.

The only one who ever dared tell him differently had been his uncle. Before they moved away, he’d taken Sebastian aside and tried to get him to talk. About his frustrations, his anxiety, maybe even that secret that might not have been so much of a secret to him. His father appeared before the conversation went anywhere and they never had a chance to pick it up again. No one had ever made him feel as safe as Uncle Elias.

No one except River.

Holding them close eased some of the pain welling up inside him. It had nothing to do with his confusing feelings or daydreams he told himself to forget about. All that mattered was that they gave a shit. Enough to open their home to him and continually offer support without so much as a word from him.

“ _Olen_ \--Sorry,” he mumbled under his breath. About what, he had no idea: his earlier behavior, all the trouble he’d put them through, breaking down like this? Maybe everything.

They wrapped their arms around him, and pulled him close, resting their chin on top of his head. "Don't you dare apologise for anything, _pequeño_." River quietly said. "You've got nothing to apologise for. Nobody should have to go through what you've had to endure, and you can't go through all that and not break down once." They pressed a brief kiss to the top of his head. After a few moments, they pulled back just a little, and wordlessly pulled a tissue from their back pocket and handed it to Sebastian.

Sebastian accepted the tissue and dabbed his eyes, some color rising in his cheeks. “ _Vittu_ ,” he muttered again, crumpling the used tissue in his hand. Everything about this was embarrassing. He stared down at his feet, torn between clinging to River and stepping away to brush the whole thing off. As though they would let him after that performance.

So he settled for laying his head on their shoulder—not for him, for them—and resting a little longer. “I’ll go,” he said after a few seconds, some strength returning to his voice. “My parents can go fuck themselves for all I care. But it would be good to see the others again.”

A slight smile touched his lips. “Elias would never let me hear the end of it if I missed a family gathering because of my parents. We were clashing even before we left, but Elias always tried to give me a space to speak to him. He even offered to let me stay with him in Helsinki when he heard we were moving. Isa wouldn’t allow it. Still, that he even tried was…nice.”

He sighed quietly. “I should call _Äiti_ back, let her know I’ll go. Don’t worry about the ticket. It’d be stupid not to use the one she has. Besides,” his arm circled their waist again, “With how much you like to travel, you should hold onto your miles.” He had to get out of his own head space and think about them after all their help. An uncomfortable flight felt like the least of his worries.

“Thanks,” he said, his eyes finding theirs as he straightened up. “For this. It’s…just nice to have someone.”

" _No hay problema_." River shook their head. "You know I'm always here for you, whatever you need, and there's nobody I wouldn't fight for you." They beamed at him, and brushed a strand of hair back from his face. "Go to Finland, mourn your uncle, see your other family, and then you can come home."

Sebastian took a few seconds to drink in the tender interaction. It helped even as the pain of loss settled deeper in his chest. To have someone treat him gently, not brushing aside his feelings or mocking him for the outburst, eased some of the tension remaining inside him. It felt safe. Like he could tell River anything without judgement or reproach. He wanted to stay like this with them, to ride out the rest of this pain here in their arms.

But an uncomfortable look suddenly flashed across their face. Fuck, he had drawn this hug out for too long. Even River had their limits. The remainder brought reality crashing back down as he recalled their boyfriend who would be home soon to claim their attention. The same boyfriend they intended to propose to. And he had calls to make and shit to get packed.  He took a step back out of their arms, and cleared his throat. It took a moment to sink in between the feeling of loss and his frustration with himself remounting.

"Hey, what if we did a road trip after you graduate? A sort of present from me? We could drive out to San Francisco via Las Vegas in time for San Francisco Pride?"

The offer peaked his curiosity as well as his nerves. “I don’t know. Maybe,” he replied, trying to find some confidence in his voice.

River always talked about the progress he had made, but going to one gay bar—once by himself and after always in their company—hardly compared to a big event like San Francisco Pride. Something very public attended by thousands of strangers and the media. “I mean, yeah,” he said again, tilting his head to crack his neck. “It could be fun.” In the same way seeing his whole family again this coming week sounded fun.

"Yeah, I mean we leave the day after your graduation ceremony, bright and early Sunday morning, and we spend a few days in Las Vegas before we come down to San Francisco for the parade on the following Saturday." River beamed, their enthusiasm for the idea visibly growing by the minute. "Just you, me, and a rented camper van for the week."

They tilted their head to the side slightly as they studied him. "Besides, once you start apprenticing for a tattooist, I'll barely see you, and then you'll be moving out and getting your own place, so it'll be cool to have that one week for us to just spend together."

“Yeah…” Sebastian replied, his eyes drifting away from theirs. They would barely see each other.

He cleared his throat. “We’ll find time. Not as much, but I won’t disappear.” But he might. His schedule would be tight between the apprenticeship and making enough money to sustain himself. He would have to carve time out for friends and River wasn’t his only one. It would be nothing like before: River randomly stopping by to drag him to some horror movie festival they’d just heard about, him dropping into the restaurant or bar during one of their shifts because he knew they were working, or even the more recent 2am conversations when neither of them could sleep.

How long would it be before they lost touch with each other?

The whole mangled mess did nothing for his current mood. Why did everything have to feel so fucking hopeless? He ought to go back up to his room to accomplish something before he ended up back where he started when River came downstairs. He could pack or make those calls or start that design. Wait. “You’ll have to come in for that tattoo when I’m allowed to use the machines,” he reminded them, “Fuck, you could get more than one if you wanted. I have to do a shit ton of free work before I can get my license. And a few tattoos are the least I can give you after all this.”

It would be some time in coming and no more than a handful of hours, but he preferred that to thinking their friendship might just end.

River's eyes brightened at the idea, and they nodded enthusiastically. "That'd be cool. Looks like I'll be coming to you for all my future designs then." They grinned at him, making his heart flutter in his chest.

Before he could say anything else though, they turned and opened the overhead cupboard, pulling out a box of teabags. "Want something to drink? We have peppermint, chamomile...." River squinted into the box. "Oh, and some vanilla and strawberry left as well. I might have some of that."


	6. Chapter 6

Three days later, Sebastian had left for Finland, and River was trying to ignore how much they were already missing him. It wasn't the same without the coming home from work in the afternoons to see the battered sneakers in the front hall, or being able to have those late night conversations when they couldn't fall asleep.

They sat in the window of a tiny coffee shop, gazing out the window as their thoughts travelled five thousand miles away. A wistful sigh escaped them.

Damnit, why did they miss him this much?

Chris abruptly set a mug down in front of River. "You're an idiot, you know that?" He rolled his eyes as he took his seat beside them.

River blinked, taken by surprise. " _Qué_?"

"You. Are. An. Idiot." Chris enunciated slowly "You're sitting here, clearly mourning the temporary loss of the guy you like, and not doing what you're supposed to be doing, by picking up the phone and calling him to confess your love."

" _Lo siento, no sé de qué estás hablando_." River shook their head, as they picked up their mug, trying to hide the colour in their cheeks.

" _No te hagas el tonto conmigo_." Chris retorted. "Call Seb and tell him you like him, or I will." He leaned back in the seat, smirking. "And I will tell him about all your kinks and fantasies and exactly how he can fulfil those."

River's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't." They warningly said.

Chris stuck out his tongue with a smirk. "Wouldn't I?"

" _Cabrón_."

The Spanish-born man shrugged, unbothered, and turned his gaze to the slim blonde waitress across the coffee shop. "Or you know, I could tell Inari instead, and let her tell her best friend all your sordid little secrets...."

“What this about sordid secrets? Like how Chris convinces women to sleep with him?”

Speak of the devil.

Unlike Chris who visibly jumped beside them, River was unsurprised by Inari's sudden appearance — the teenager had the ears of a bat. They shook their head, chuckling at her comment. "That's not a secret. He simply sticks around until they take pity on him and sleep with him. He's like a stray that you can't quite seem to shake." They tossed a smirk at their best friend.

Chris gave him an unimpressed look. "What is a secret though is your crush on Sebastian that's as massive as Mount Everest." He pointedly said, and glanced at Inari. "This one's refusing to admit they're hopelessly in love with your best friend, and it's driving me up the wall, because even I can see it." He flatly said, groaning at the end.

" _No sé de qué estás hablando_...." River tried again.

" _No digas tonterías_." Chris rolled his eyes. "Look, if you don't have a crush on Seb, then why did you fork out that money to get that international phone pack so you can call him and he can call home?"

River's cheeks darkened, and they scowled when they were unable to come up with a suitable retort for that.

"See?" Chris smirked.

“Paying for international service for a trip that lasts only a week is pretty telling,” Inari agreed, her lips curling into a smirk. “Especially when you heard about that trip only a day before it happened. Some kneejerk reaction to hearing about a friend leaving the country.”

Before River could protest anymore, Inari turned a chair around and sat backwards on it, facing them with a raised eyebrow. “So spill. How long has this been a thing? Why don’t you want to do something about it? You can’t honestly tell me you’re worried about being rejected.”

Well, this was fucking fantastic, wasn't it? Two people pushing at them to talk about these confusing feelings for their friend. Great.

The weird thing was that usually they were very open and blunt about how they felt — but this felt different. This felt like something they'd rather keep to themself.

But it didn't look like Chris or Inari would be letting up any time soon, after Chris' little revelation, so....

They sighed and set down their mug. "Well in the first place, I'm in a relationship with a perfectly sweet man that doesn't deserve any of this _mierda_." River's gaze lifted to meet Inari's, their eyes expressing all their vulnerability in this moment.  "And secondly, there's no way Seb would reciprocate these feelings. He's young, and gorgeous, and could have anyone he wa—" River paused to raise an eyebrow at Chris, who was now hitting his head on the table in front of him, and groaning. " _Qué pasa_?"

"You. Are. A. Fucking. Idiot." Chris complained, in between hitting his head off the table. He lifted his head and stared at his best friend. "How can you not see that Sebastian's fucking _cabeza sobre los talones_ for you?"

He looked appealingly at Inari. "You explain. I give up."

Inari watched Chris’ overdramatic response with an unimpressed look on her face. “I mean same,” she said when he sat up, “But I need my brain cells for that Spanish test next Monday.” She cracked her knuckles and turned to face River directly. “He’s right and, believe me, I never thought I would say that about Chris. This moment may never happen again. But, yeah, Seb’s had a crush on you since you two met.” And when he heard about this conversation, he’d be pissed at her for weeks.

“Listen, I know our scowling friend can be hard to read when you first meet him, but you’ve known him for over a year now. You can’t tell me that you’ve never noticed him acting differently around you.”  She lifted a hand up and began raising fingers to number her points. “Like being one of the only people he lets touch him on a regular basis. Randomly going with you to shit regardless of what you’re dragging him to—seriously, he went with you to that weird artisanal cheese thing. Who does that? Or that as soon as you so much as walk in a room, you’ve got his attention.”

River blinked, completely thrown by this new revelation. They opened and closed their mouth a couple of times, but nothing came out. The unthinkable had actually happened — River Perez was speechless.

" _Ai_ , that's what I've been telling you for months." Chris griped, shaking his head with exasperation at his friend's cluelessness. "Lately, if it comes to you and me hanging out, or you and Seb, it'll be you two doing something together. He would follow you anywhere if you paid attention to him."

"But...." River started, and then stopped, their cheeks flooding with colour. "He hooked up with that guy from the club last week..." They lamely said, as their mind whirled through what Inari had just said.

Sebastian liked them.

Sebastian had a crush on them.

Sebastian fucking Tuisku had a crush on them, and that made their head spin.

Chris nodded with a smirk at the look on River's face. "See, I was right. Now what you need to do is figure out what you're going to do about it."

"I...can't. I can't hurt Seb, but I also can't hurt Nícolas." River whispered, staring into their coffee. "They both deserve so much better, especially Seb. He's gone through too much mierda these past few months, and I can't put all my shit on top of him."

“Listen, River, I’m not going to pretend there’s an easy answer,” Inari replied, the humor leaving her face. “But now you know the truth and you’ve got a choice. Continue to pretend nothing is going on or do something about it. Simple as that. Obviously that’s all on you, but I think you owe it to everyone involved to figure something out. Living with an unrequited crush isn’t any better than rejection.”

The door jingled, and River sat there, dumbfounded as Inari left to go deal with a customer. They turned to Chris, and whispered, "What do I do? Tell me what I do now, because....I have no idea."

Chris sighed, and took a sip of his own coffee. "I think what you need to do is figure out if you'd be happier with Seb, or by staying with Nícolas."

"That's the million dollar question." River muttered, staring at Chris. "Chris, I have a fucking engagement ring sitting in my bedside drawer at home."

The Spaniard's eyebrows shot up. "Wh—how—ok..." He cleared his throat. "I think you'd be better dating Seb for a bit first before you pop that particular question."

River rolled their eyes. "No, _idiota_ , it's for Níc." They let out a breath.

"Whoa."

"I know." River sighed. "But now I'm having these feelings for Seb, and I don't think I want to make that move for me and Nícolas." They groaned and flopped their head down onto their folded arms on the table. "I'm a mess."

" _Un desastre total_." Chris agreed, rubbing River's back comfortingly. "But that's what I'm here for, and I'm going to help you through this."

" _Gracias_."

"Now though, call Seb. If anything else, talking to him will make you feel better." Chris told them, trying to suppress his smile at his friend. "I know you're having Sebastian withdrawal now."

" _Vete a la mierda_." River flipped him the bird as they sat up again, making Chris cackle with laughter.

“Looks like there’s hope for you yet,” Inari quipped as she dropped into the chair yet again, iced coffee in hand. “So what’s your next move?”

River pushed their hair back out of their face, and attempted to recover some composure after their almost-meltdown. "I'm going to call him, and see if he's free to talk." They decided, and lifted their phone from the table beside them. "It should be about eight in the evening over there—"

"And you know the time difference without even checking your phone." Chris noted with a knowing smirk. "Tell me again how you're not completely gone for him?"

"Shut up." River muttered, as they scrolled through their contact list.

Chris snickered and glanced at Inari. "So, did you miss me while I was away, _chica_?" He grinned flirtatiously. "I mean, East Coast women are okay, but you're so much prettier than they are."

River rolled their eyes at Chris' attempt at flirting. He did this every time they hung out together, even though Inari had never expressed any interest whatsoever. That said, she could take care of herself, so they ignored what Chris was saying, and focused on their phone as they came to Sebastian's name — or as he was named in their phone, as 'Grumpy Bear,' followed by a string of emojis.

Warmth spread through their insides at the nickname, and they paused for a moment to just consider what they were doing. They were about to call the guy they were falling for — the guy who wasn't their long-term boyfriend — and possibly confess their affection. This was not something for the faint-hearted.

Before they could chicken out, River tapped the phone icon, and lifted it to their ear as the dialtone rang.

“ _Hei_? Riv, what’s up?”

Their heart skipped a beat, and a smile grew on their face. It made them wonder for a moment, how long had they been feeling like this, and not realising it for what it was?

They shook their head. " _Hola_ , 'Bastian. I just wanted to call and see how you're doing. I know it's not easy being around your family and everything, and with your uncle's funeral on Friday, I wanted to...check in. Make sure you're okay." River carded their fingers through their hair, just to have something to do with them.

As they spoke, they deliberately averted their eyes from Inari and Chris, instead opting to look out the coffee shop window as they had previously. "How have you been anyway? Anything good coming from this trip?"

Muffled Finnish came through the phone, before Sebastian’s voice returned. “Yeah, there’s some good coming out of it. I’ve been reconnecting with some of my family that I haven’t gotten to see in a long time. It’s nice. Even if some of them can be a little aggravating and have a bad habit of stealing.” A dry chuckle escaped him, which made River smile. “It’s not perfect, but I’m doing alright. What about you?”

I'm not really doing much today. The shop's closed today because Kit's taking her wife Schuyler out to San Jose for the day, so I'm just getting coffee with Chris." They cast a glance sideways at the two, eyeing them suspiciously.

"So you're coming back Sunday, yeah? I'll make your favourite dinner for when you get back." River beamed, turning their attention back out the window again. "Because guess what? I found a place in the States that sells _lakka_. The genuine article, and I bought two bottles which are currently on their way here."

If that didn't brighten Seb's day, River didn't know what would.

A moment passed, and then they quickly added, "Also, I have something I want to talk to you about, but I don't want to do it over the phone because it's important I say it in person."

A long beat of silence followed, making River even more nervous, until- “We can talk about whatever you want when I get back.” They exhaled with relief. Now they just had to figure out what to say to him. 

“My flight gets in at noon. I was going to ask Inari to come pick me up if she’s got the afternoon off.” Ooh, there was an idea there. 

"Oh. Okay, that's fine. I can spend the time finishing dinner for that day." River nodded, their mind already working. They could surprise Sebastian at the airport, and maybe even tell him then? The prospect of seeing the teenager's smile already set it in stone for River.

More grumbled Finnish caught their ear, before Sebastian returned to English. ““Listen, I’ll have to talk to you later. Someone’s trying to get my attention. I’ll see you on Sunday…Yeah, bye.”

"Alright, I'll see you Sunday. _Cuídese_." River bid him goodbye before they ended the call, and set their phone down on the table again. A long sigh escaped them, accompanied by a soft smile that only Sebastian seemed to bring to their face. It was still four days til Sunday, four days til they could see him again.

They glanced sideways and caught Inari's gaze. "Mind if I tag along with you to pick him up on Sunday?"" River conversationally asked, keeping their tone light.

"Maybe you should bring roses for him, and make it like one of those sappy romance movies you love watching." Chris teased, taking another sip of his coffee. "If you do, make sure to film it. People love watching that sappy shit on Youtube."

River stuck out their tongue at him in response. "I'll put something on Youtube, but it won't be that. It'll be the video of you serenading a tree while wasted and wearing one of my dresses." They shot back.

Inari slapped a hand over her mouth as a fit of giggles took over, in a clear battle to avoid spraying everyone with iced coffee. By some miracle, she swallowed without choking, allowing herself to suck in several breaths before she straightened up. “Does that video actually exist? And can I have a copy? It sounds amazing.” She shook her head, laughing. “But, yeah, I’ve got no problem with you tagging along,” she replied as she set her coffee down. “I live to encourage proactivity. God knows I wasn’t getting anywhere working this from the other angle. It’d be easier to push a mule off a cliff than it is to get Seb to talk about emotions.”

River opened their mouth, but Chris interjected before they could speak, "And we can add that to the list of reasons how we know Seb's in love with you — he actually talks to you about feelings and shit."

He paused and corrected himself, "Well, feelings other than the ones he has for you. I mean, you seem to have this magic ability to get him to talk about stuff, and I'm beginning to suspect witchcraft."

"Exactly, witchcraft. Better not cross me then, or I'll curse your balls off." River smirked, and downed the last mouthful of their tea. "How about we talk about the leavers' dance next week?" They turned their gaze back to Inari. "You're taking Seb, right? And you're both going with the brothers?"

Inari nodded. “Yeah, I figured it’d be fun to go for our last year. I know a few decent people in our class I’d like to party with once before we all go our separate ways for life.”

She leaned forward on the chair back. “Oriel will probably hangout with us for most of the night, but Jasso we’ll lose at the door. He’s out to set a personal record for most girls seduced in one evening.” She gave a mischievous grin. “We’ve already got a pool for his slaps to fucks ratio going. I’ve got him getting slapped most of the night though they already made me agree that no slaps from me will count towards this total.”

"Probably should count." River snickered, and reached up to their bun. They tugged on the end of the ribbon holding the bun in place, and pulled it out, letting their long braids cascade down their back and shoulders.

"You know, if you haven't got your dress yet, I could hook you up with a cute vintage one. There's a shop across from where I work, and they do really awesome lacy, almost Gothic, dresses that I think you'd love." They suggested, as their fingers worked deftly to braid the smaller braids into one braid at the back of their head.

"Or you know you could just raid River's closet. I'm sure they've got something you could wear." Chris quipped, laughing. "God knows they've got enough dresses to fill out an entire team of models."

Inari chuckled. “That might work if not for the slight issues of about a foot difference between the two of us. I’d look like a little kid borrowing something out of her sibling’s closet. You’d have to fight my mum to take me out shopping though. She’s already got a plan to take me out shopping on Friday. Has a whole list of stores she wants to visit. She’s worried she’ll never get a chance like this again considering how few boys I’ve brought home.” She snickered. “She’s always respected my choice to wear whatever I want, but I think she misses the days when she got to dress me up.”

She shrugged. “It’ll be good to spend some time with her anyway. Shit’s been so crazy I haven’t had much time to do anything other than homework at home. That’s what I get for slacking off until senior year.” She raised an eyebrow. “So tell me, what was it like for you wizened _vanhukset_ back in the day?”

“Inari!”

Their collective gazes shifted to the door to the backroom where Inari’s coworker peeked out. “You’re not getting paid to stand around talking. Wipe down some counters or get ahead on the list or something.”

Inari stretched in her chair. “Looks like I need to go dig up some work to keep little miss Princess happy. Maybe I’ll spill a bottle of vanilla or something.” She got to her feet and pushed her chair in properly. “I’m glad to see we made so much progress today. I’ll pick you up on Sunday around ten am. You know, I could wait in the car while you go meet him at security if it would make things easier.” She gave River a winking smile before walking back toward the counter.

Only a few more days til he was home...

~~

The next few days were agony, at least as far as River was concerned. All they could think about was Seb, and their feelings towards him, and what they'd do when they saw him on Sunday. These thoughts whirled around their brain almost twenty-four seven, and as a result, they'd been a distracted mess all week.

Chris, bless him, had tried to support them, and help with it, but the closer it got to Sunday, the more distracted River was, which made conversations a moot point most of the time.

River paced back and forth at the security point — the furthest they were allowed to go without a boarding pass — clutching a cup of coffee in their hands.

In hindsight, the coffee wasn't necessarily the best idea, but they'd been so antsy that Inari had eventually lost it and just ordered them to go buy coffee, just to have something to do.

They glanced over at the blonde sitting in the airport seat not too far away. "Why am I so fucking nervous? I mean, it's Seb. I just....ugh." River groaned, and carded their fingers through their hair, as they turned on their heel and continued pacing.

"Flight 725 from Helsinki-Vantaa, now landing."

River's spine stiffened at the clipped intercom voice, and their heart skipped a beat. He was here. Seb would be coming out that gate within minutes, and they'd see him again for the first time in a week.

"Okay, okay..." They muttered, and quickly threw the coffee cup into the bin again. River pulled their phone out of their pocket, and quickly checked their reflection in the front camera.

A couple of minutes later, people started flooding out of the gate, and River craned their head to try and spot Sebastian. As time stretched on, their insides were doing the cha-cha, twisting in a way that was becoming increasingly familiar.

Then they spotted him, and warmth flooded through their body. A grin spread across their head, and they broke into a run towards him. As River reached him, they flung their arms around him in a huge, warm hug. " _Cuánto te he echado de menos_!"

The momentum of their movements had sent their body pressing against his, and they realised with a frisson of feeling that they could feel every inch of the teenager's body.

After a second, Sebastian pulled back a little, eyes wide. “River?” he asked incredulously, confusion evident on his face though he made no move to pull away completely. “What are you doing here? I thought Inari was coming.”

They beamed at him. "She's here too, but I figured I'd come and surprise you when you got here." They explained, smiling widely. "I just missed you too much while you were away that I couldn't resist coming." Admittedly that was the truth, but not the whole truth.

They hugged him tight again, just inhaling that scent that was distinctly Sebastian. In no rush to let go, they just took in the feeling of having him against them, of his warmth against them, and the feeling of his defined muscles beneath their arms.

Eventually though, they let go and reluctantly withdrew, smiling broadly. "I might just tie you to the radiator just to keep you from leaving again." They teased. "I mean, I even missed your teenage broody sulking." River nudged him with a laugh.

“I don’t sulk,” he grumbled

River glanced over their shoulder, and caught sight of the siblings not too far away. "Hola, Taika." They raised a hand in greeting.

“Hi!” Taika chirped as she darted over and gave them a quick hug. “Seb didn’t say you were going to meet him here.”

"Hey you." River grinned as they returned the quick hug. "And actually, I came to surprise him, since Inari was picking him up anyway."

They glanced sideways at Sebastian with a warm smile, taking in all his features. Fuck, how could he have gotten even more handsome since they saw him last? Or had he always been this dizzyingly gorgeous and they'd just been oblivious up until now?

Warmth flooded their chest, and they looked back at Taika, unable to suppress their smile. "We should arrange a _paseo_ somewhere for the lot of you to see Seb again properly. Ice skating, or bowling, or something like that." River had genuinely enjoyed the previous Saturday. with getting to know Sebastian's siblings — hearing about Taika's dance troupe, and listening to the girls tease Leevi mercilessly, and Nea's quiet but hilarious observations. It also made them happy to see the genuinely happy smile on Sebastian's face, to know they had a part in putting that smile there.

“That would be so fun,” Taika agreed, taking her sister’s hand as she took a few steps back toward their mother. “We’ll be seeing you then. Let me know when you come up with something. Bye, _veli_! Hi-bye, Inari!” She gave them all a wave before scampering back over to their mother. 

Before River could say anything else, Inari spoke up. “We should get going too. You could probably use a nap and River still has those dinner plans they told me about,” she said pointedly, making them glare at her. Could she be any more obvious about it?!

Their smile grew though as their mind turned back to their plans. Their eyes lit up. "Oh _Dios_ _mío_ , yes, I'm so excited for you to see what I have planned for dinner tonight." River beamed. "And it'll be just you and me, since Nícolas is having dinner with a friend tonight, which is even better since I haven't seen you in like a week."

Their cheeks darkened when they realised how they were rambling on — akin to a child gushing about their day at pre-school — and they cleared their throat with a sheepish laugh. "Anyway, lets head home."

As they all headed back through the airport towards the entrance, River snuck several glances sideways at Sebastian, unable to suppress their smile that kept shining through. For days now, they'd been antsy and distracted, almost constantly on edge, but now he was here again, they felt a peaceful, chill vibe return to them.

In an unsurprisingly short time—it was Inari driving—they arrived back at River’s house. Sebastian climbed out of the car, taking his empty coffee cup to avoid making her car any messier than it already was. “Thanks for the ride,” he said as he shouldered his backpack.

“Try not to have too much fun tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow bright and early. Remember to do some studying for that Spanish test tomorrow. Maybe take advantage of that handy native speaker you happen to have lying around the house,” Inari snickered as she gave them both a wink.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Take you own advice. I don’t want to listen to you bitching about forgetting to study tomorrow.”

Inari gave an exaggerated scoff. “Please, there’s never any bitching.”

River got out of the car, their long legs sliding out of the open car door, as they heard Sebastian and Inari's usual banter bickering. "I could be very educational." They innocently said, but with a mischievous grin. "I could teach you all about how to ask someone to go down on you in Spanish."

They winked at the two, before getting out of the car, and headed up the short path to the front door. " _Hasta luego_ , Inari!" River called behind them with a laugh. Unlocking the door, they entered the house, and automatically toed off their heels, leaving the six-inch Louboutins at the side of the hall.

A sigh escaped them, and they happily padded into the kitchen, on the lookout for some tea. After stressing out about seeing Sebastian again, they needed something to calm their nerves a little. Also if it helped chill Seb out enough to help him sleep better later, all the better.

Admittedly the conversation had been light in the car, but hopefully he'd open up a little more once it was just the two of them alone, instead of around Inari's snark and teasing. River had known him long enough to know that something deeper had happened while he'd been away, and that he wouldn't spill anything until they were alone.

"Do you want something to drink? I'm going to brew up a pot of kombucha, while I don't have Nícolas telling me how much it looks like _orina_." River rolled their eyes, as they glanced over their shoulder at the teenager. "Or something to eat?"

Sebastian snickered, and shook his head. “Anything with some caffeine in it,” he replied, “I’ve got like two tests to study for tonight if I want to survive tomorrow.” He dropped his backpack onto the counter and plopped into a chair at the table, his head coming to rest on top of his arms. “I know Inari said not much happened around here last week, but how was it for you? Good with work and _kaikki se paska_?”

Flicking on both the kettle and coffee machine, River hummed contently to themself as they bustled around the kitchen. "Nothing’s really happened since you've been gone. I've been working a whole ton this week, and when I haven't been working, I've been chilling with Chris and hearing about his last weekend in Florida."

They turned and opened the fridge, pulling out two bottles with a wide grin. "And this arrived yesterday." River grinned widely as they showed off the two bottles of _lakka_. "It took some serious delving into the internet for these, but I found a vendor in New York that sells Finnish imports, so I just had to buy them." River set one of the bottles on the table in front of Sebastian, and watched him with a nervous trepidation.

What if he didn't like it? What if they'd gotten completely the wrong thing by accident? What if this was coming across as a completely weird and unplatonic gesture?

The smile that appeared on Sebastian’s face though….made it all worth it. 

“Not bad,” he said with a soft smile that had River melting on the inside. “Elias used to buy this brand and bring it to family gatherings when I was younger.” He set the bottle down again. “They were actually fun back then. I remember getting my first taste of liquor from him during one Christmas together. I was probably about eight and he let me try his drink. I think he only meant to let me have a sip but something must have distracted him after he handed me the glass. It was sweet enough to cover the alcohol so I drank the whole glass thinking it was fancy juice and ended up getting pretty tipsy.” They both chuckled at that. “He discovered why you don’t give coffee to a drunk eight year-old to try and sober them up after that. It took Isä climbing a ladder and promising me dessert before dinner to get me down from the roof of _Sedän_ little town house.”

He leaned forward on his elbows. “It’s nice seeing something from Finland after coming back. Kind of weird too, like it followed me home. You’ll have to try this and some of the licorice I brought back, though given how much you like sugar, I can’t guarantee you’ll like it.”

River's chest filled with warmth when Sebastian used that word — home. The thought that this had in fact become an actual home for him made them overwhelmingly happy, and it showed on their face, as all their emotions did. 

"Oh I can imagine the _travesuras_ you got into as a kid, especially where alcohol is involved." River teased. "And you know my tastes well. I think I'll leave the licorice to you, my little friend." They reached over and ruffled his hair with a laugh, before withdrawing.

"I did miss you this week, you know." River cast a glance back at Sebastian as they headed back to the counter and poured hot water into the two mugs. "I wasn't expecting just how much I did miss you, but I did. I've gotten so used to seeing you all the time that it was weird not seeing you come in after school, or at like three in the morning in the kitchen, that it was so weird to not have that any more."

Colour crept up the back of their neck, as they busied themself with the tea. "I'm glad you're back though." River continued, and proceeded to add two shots of espresso to one of the mugs. Coffee for the coffee addict.

“Yeah, I missed you—here, I mean…you but also here and everyone else,” Sebastian muttered, his eyes dropping to the table again. “I liked being back in Finland but there was a lot of shit to deal with so it’s nice to be here again.” He ran his fingers through his hair as he leaned forward on the table. “Vittu, maybe we should skip to the liquor. Before the jet lag makes me sound any more like a _vitun idiootti_.”

River snorted, and carried the two mugs over to the table. They set the coffee-laced one in front of Sebastian, and sat down in the opposite seat. "I don't think liquor and jet lag are a good mix. Maybe a shot or two later on tonight." They quipped, smiling again.

"So tell me about your family, like the one family member you mentioned on the phone that you reconnected with." River's eyes trailed over him, taking in every detail that all of a sudden seemed brand new and undiscovered by them. "Are they supportive of everything? Because if they aren't, I'm of half a mind to fly all the way to Finland and kick their ass." They joked with a laugh.

“My cousin Sanna,” he supplied, a half smile appearing then, “Yeah, she was supportive. Excited too since she found out that she wasn’t the only gay person in the family.” He set the mug back on the table. “We were in the middle of talking about it when you called. Her family’s pretty supportive as well. _Setä_ Samuli has never seen eye to eye with _Isä_ about…any of his beliefs. He was pretty pissed when he found out what happened. Which didn’t really help ease any tension during the week.” A touch of weariness appeared in his voice as he wrapped his hands around his mug.

His eyes flickered up to their face. “You’d like Sanna. She’s got a good sense of humor and she’s not afraid to let you know what’s on her mind. The club I mentioned was actually one she’d been going to for a few weeks now ever since she broke up with her girlfriend.” A strained chuckle escaped him. “Turns out having a shitty love life runs in the family. She might be going to school in the States though. One of the places that accepted her is in LA. I’ll have to introduce you both.”

"If you didn't introduce us, I'd be pissed at you." They grinned, and took a long sip of their own tea. "It's great though that you reconnected with your cousin like that, and that you've got something deeper in common. You're going to keep in touch with her, yeah?"

They reclined back in the seat, stretching out their long legs in front of them as they sipped at their warm drink. "Maybe you could invite her over during the summer? She can come with us to San Francisco after your graduation, and you can bond with her some more. After all, what better way to get over a break-up than a road trip?" As they spoke, River reached over with their foot, and hooked it around Seb's, playfully pulling it closer.

He shot them a glare, reversing the angle of his foot to take back some control and dragged their foot back toward his side of the table.

River's heart skipped a beat when Sebastian tugged their foot back over again, but that moment was quickly replaced by concern as the teenager's expression returned to a much more sober one.

“Yeah, that’d be great. If she has the money to get over here,” he said, a note of something more in his voice. Almost reluctant? I’ll mention it to her. I promised to try harder to keep in touch this time. Not that I meant to avoid her before. We just lost touch.” It was so easy to do. “It’s nice having someone in my family who gets everything though. My siblings do what they can but Sanna gets how shitty and awkward everything can be. She actually knows how to be supportive.”

There was clearly something more, by the sounds of it, but River really didn't want to push him to talk about it if he wasn't ready. Family was a tricky subject, they knew, and if pushed, it would spiral into something worse.

Finally they spoke, their voice soft, "Well, you know you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you, no matter what time of day or night. Whether you're just down the hall, or across the world, I will always listen without judgement." River's eyes lingered on him.

Suddenly an idea came to them — a way to distract Sebastian from his problems — and their grin widened. River slowly moved their sock-clad foot upwards, trailing it up the teenager's calf.

His eyes shot up to their face, his eyebrows drawn together. “Y-yeah, thanks. I’m just tired.” Colour bloomed in his pale cheeks, and River’s heart skipped a beat with delight. Even more so when he lifted his foot, and- oh, fuck.

River's breath caught in their throat whenever Sebastian's foot made contact with the underside of their thigh, only separated from skin by the very skinny jeans they wore today. That thin piece of denim was all that was stopping the contact. Jesus fucking Christ, this got intense quickly.

In return, they simply moved their foot back to his ankle, and continued trailing it back upwards again. This time, they curved it around and casually rubbed it against the back of his calf, right at the top where they were also brushing against the underside of his thigh.

“So I worked on your tattoo on the plane and I have a few rough sketches that might work, I’ll have to show them to you later.” He sounded flustered, and with the colour spreading up his neck and cheeks, he looked really fucking adorable.

"That sounds perfect. I can't wait to see what you've come up with." River beamed across at him. "And then once you get to use the machines, you can tattoo me all over. I might just get you to design all my tattoos from now on." They quipped with a grin. "I mean I'll pay you for them and everything. It's the least I can do after you put in so much effort."

“You might want to actually see the design before you get that excited,” He cleared his throat, delighting River even more. They were actually doing something. Maybe this actually meant Inari and Chris were right and he liked them in that way?

"The more time you get to perfect it, the better it'll be when you finally get to do me." River grinned, and took another sip of their tea. "I want it to be your design, inked by you onto my skin."

Then Sebastian caught their foot between their own, and they pouted. "You're no fun." River stuck their tongue out at him. " _Aguafiestas_."

That reminded them, actually....

"Hey, if you want some help with your Spanish studying tonight, give me a shout. I can help with some extra bits that would give you a boost." River offered, their eyes alight at the possibility of helping Sebastian out more. "Nothing too hard, but even just a few slang phrases you can slide in there to impress them. After all, you live with two native Spanish speakers, so why not take advantage of it?"

Their lips lifted into a smirk. " _Si puedes traducir esto, puedes tomar un trago de licor._ " They casually said.

“One of those _verbit_ sounds familiar… _si puedes traducir esto, puedes tomar un trago de licor,_ ” he repeated. “Was it translate? I heard liquor—is that one of the words that’s the same in English and Spanish?”  A growl of frustration escaped him as he leaned back in his chair. “Why are there so many _vitun_ words? And verb tenses? And why does everything have a vutin sukupuoli? It’s hard enough learning another language in a second language; it’d be nice if the grammar could make some sense.”

You see the irony that words in Spanish have a definite gender and yet I don't." River quipped, followed by a chuckle.

They leaned forward on their forearms and stared intently at Sebastian. "Come on, try and translate it. Take what you do understand of the sentence, and piece together the meaning of the whole thing." Their eyes fixed on him, communicating vibes of encouragement and positivity.

He could do it — they knew he had the brains for this, and that he just needed the boost to try. River was determined to be his biggest cheerleader in everything, including studying.

" _Si puedes traducir esto, puedes tomar un trago de licor._ " River repeated, grinning as they watched Sebastian. "You get a reward for translating it."

“Fine,” he grumbled as he leaned forward on his fist, eyebrows knitting together in thought. “Something about you can translate. If you can translate?” His eyes flickered up to theirs. “If you can translate this…then you can drink...something of liquor? _Trago_ doesn’t sound familiar.” Then the meaning clicked in his brain as he gave them an unimpressed look. “Are you bribing me to study with liquor? You know that makes you complicit if I end up as an alcoholic someday.”

River's grin widened when Sebastian finally figured it out, and they shrugged as they got to their feet, and retrieved two shot glasses from the cupboard. "You're not going to be an alcoholic — don't I look after you better than that?" They gave him a mock reproachful look, as they sat back down again. "But it can be an incentive for you to study."

They opened one of the bottles of _lakka_ , and poured out two shots with the ease that came with being a bartender for the last three years. "I'm going to help you study for this test, until you're certain to pass with _colores voladores_." River fixed their gaze on Sebastian, their eyes flaming with determination. "If I can do anything about it, _Dios me ayude_ , you are going to walk onto that stage in June and receive your high school diploma, and I'm going to be cheering louder than any other person there."

That said, they pushed one of the shots across to him, and lifted their own. "You're going to fucking kick this exam's ass." River declared, and downed the shot.

The orange taste of the liquor mixed with the heat of the drink flowed down their throat, and gave them a buzz — as if they hadn't had that energy before. Seeing Seb again...that energised them more than any alcohol could.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “ _Niin dramaattinen_ ,” he muttered as he took the shot, tipping it back with a satisfied sigh. His smile faded after a moment though, and River’s mood turned to concern. Clearly something else was on his mind, something serious.

Finally he spoke, his voice quiet and pensive. “Something else happened on the trip. On the way home I had a talk with _Äiti_.” He picked up his mug again, studying the remaining liquid inside. “She asked me to sit next to her on the flight back and we talked. Just…talked.” A huff escaped him. “Sorry, I just…nothing happened…it was like nothing had changed. But it did change. She apologized for what happened. For not saying something. _Vittu_ , she even gave me money.” His expression darkened. “That should be enough but it…isn’t.”

River let out a breath. "Well, I don't have a degree in psychology, but I think what you're feeling is that it's too little, too late." Their eyes studied him intently. "When you really needed her, she didn't speak up, and hasn't so much as spoken to you in the last few months you've been here. Not so much as a phone call, until last Sunday." They scowled momentarily.

"I get it, more than you know." River picked up the bottle again, and poured out another two shots for both of them. "Having someone who's meant to be your parent, and love you, just turn a blind eye to what's happening to you." Their mouth twisted into a frown. "When all you want is for them to hug you and hold you, and tell you everything's going to be okay, or even just to speak up against what's happening, and to not let it happen at all."

They glanced at Sebastian, as they pushed one of the shot glasses across to him. "I can't tell you what to do here, 'Bas. Whether or not you let your _máma_ back into your life, is totally up to you. All I can do is be here for you and have your back no matter what. You'll always have a home here."

He took the shot as soon as they passed it to him. “I’m _vitun_ tired of making decisions,” he grumbled as he folded his arms on the table and rested his chin on top of them. His eyes flickered away from theirs. “I used to find her sitting in the kitchen late at night. Crying alone. I always thought she just missed _Isä_ but…I don’t know. I want to hate her…everything that happened, but I feel like I can’t.”

Sebastian moved his foot off of the top of theirs and poked the shin of their other leg. “Thanks for listening. It…helps.” His eyes shifted to find his glass. “You know, if we keep doing two shots per success, I won’t make it through much of my study guide before tomorrow,” he said dryly.

"These ones aren't for studying — just for something to pick you up." River shook their head, and lifted their own shot. "After this, we can start studying. We'll start on what you're weakest at, and work from there."

They beamed across at Sebastian, and downed the shot quickly. The burning liquor flowed down their throat, and brought back their usual energy after that moment of moroseness.

"Now come on, get your stuff. If we can get through enough by dinner, I'll order us some Chinese takeout from that place you like."


	7. Chapter 7

Once the final hour of spring break had ticked away life returned to its breakneck speed. Between the exams of that week and the fresh slew of projects meant to close out the school year, Sebastian had a mountain of schoolwork, to say nothing of the multitude of shifts he’d picked up to cover his week off. Between it all he’d hardly had the time to breathe, let alone relax in any capacity.

Until tonight. Today he’d arrived home from school a few hours earlier without any shifts to rush off to or homework assignments demanding his immediate attention. It almost seemed unreal to have free time again. He changed into comfortable clothes—an old t-shirt and sweat pants—immediately before going to the abandoned living room where he meant to watch TV. Meant to until exhaustion hit him like a runaway train almost as soon as he sat down. Before he’d noticed he had his eyes closed, he was passed out cold.

Work and school hadn’t defined every waking moment of that week; River took up the remaining pieces. He’d thought their odd behavior would settle after a day or so of him being home but instead they managed to become even more perplexing. Any time he saw them during the week, no matter how brief, their hands were all over him and they made endless, dare he say, flirty comments. The change had Sebastian torn between excitement and confusion.

River had always had a flirtatious side. Personal space meant very little, even when meeting a stranger, and they always had a quip or compliment to pass out. As their friend, he had grown accustomed to some of that treatment. Some…but nothing like this week. They were friends but…fuck, he had a hard time reminding himself of that some days. Their behavior may have changed but the situation had not. They had a boyfriend, a longtime boyfriend who continued to live with them—hell, sleep in the same bed as River. No one did that without retaining some fondness for the other.

Sebastian had tried to talk with Inari about the confusing mess but she offered him even less help than usual. She only laughed and asked him if they had said anything to him about the sudden shift in mood which they had not. That comment drew a frown from her but she refused to elaborate.

So he had resolved to do what he always did with problems as serious as these: ignore them. Something far easier thought than done when his heart quickened every time they walked into the room, and when he let those tight hugs linger a touch longer than they should—he had never understood how much he needed that causal kind of affection until they lavished it on him. That he happened to lay down on the couch using the throw pillow that sat on River’s side of it and smell faintly of their cologne was only a coincidence.

The sudden whisper in his ear sent a shiver down his spine even as a complaining groan escaped his throat. His eyes blinked open, taking in the sight before him of a…arm. He turned his head and froze when he noticed them hovering mere centimeters above from his face. His heart jumped from the resting speed to a jackrabbit on pure caffeine in less than a breath. “River?” he questioned, forcing a grumpy glare onto his face. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Waking you up, so we can do something together." River replied with a grin, and playfully kissed his forehead, before they moved back again, sliding onto the sofa cushion next to Sebastian's feet.  River lounged back against the sofa, folding their arms casually behind their head. In this position, and their lack of a shirt, all their tattoos were on show — including the middle finger tattoo on their forearm, the rainbow feather on their ribcage, and the lettering across their collarbone. God, they were gorgeous...and unavailable...and uninterested. 

Sebastian sat up at the other end of the couch and brushed his fingers through his hair to correct some of the damage done from sleeping. His skin tingled all over from that kiss, all their bare skin inches from him. Why had they had to come downstairs shirtless? It probably had to do with whatever reason made them flirty as hell this week. Or just River being River. He resisted the urge to linger on their chest, instead directing his gaze to the TV playing a commercial quietly in the background.

"Basically, I've been recruited by your best friend to give you a dance lesson so you don't step on her feet at that school dance and make her lose feeling in her toes." River snickered, their comment earning them a glare from him.

“ _Hei, vittu_. I’m not that clumsy. And I know how to dance.” Which was more or less true. Club dancing had never been an issue and he had slow danced with his sisters once or twice at family events… He’d never stepped on their feet at the very least. “Why would it matter anyway?” he continued to grumble, “It’s not like we’re going to dance that much.”

This sounded like one of Inari’s schemes. A convenient dance lesson to force him to confront his feelings and finally say something to River. She’d come up with dozens like it, no matter how often he pointed out that saying something would only damage his friendship with them and he’d rather have that than nothing. Fucking hell, he needed some other idea to distract them. Maybe…

“Why don’t we just watch a movie or something?” He resisted the urge to slap his face. Brilliant, just brilliant.

River shook their head cheerfully. "Nope. Inari's informed me that she wants at least one proper dance with you, and that she'll do unspeakable things to you if you can't dance properly. Hence, why I'm giving you this lesson. I think you'd rather prefer having your balls intact." They got to their feet, and took Sebastian's wrists, gently tugging him up as well. "Anyway, you'll need to learn how to dance with someone in a dress and heels without tripping either of you up, so come on. It'll be fun, I promise." Their eyes found his. "And have I ever broken a promise to you?"

Sebastian’s heart leapt into his throat when River pulled him up. Mere centimeters separated their chest from his, forcing him to tilt his head to see their face. Fucking hell, between their accidently pose and the way their eyes held his while they gave him that cheesy line, he wondered if they’d stepped into one of those schlocky, romantic movies Inari loved to much. This would be the scene when the man kissed the woman for the first time and she deepened it, bleeding into another shot where they shared a night of implied passions. He swallowed hard. How the fuck would he survive this?

“Not breaking a promise doesn’t mean everything always turns out,” he reminded them as he took a step back to put some space between them. “You also promised me doing a few jello shots would be fun and that night almost ended with me needing to take out a loan for bail money.”  He held back an outward cringe that always accompanied the memory of that night. No one looked good after getting plastered then getting into an argument with a cop on the street about the traffic signs being written in the wrong language or some such shit. His memories from that night were fuzzy. He’d have been grounded for the remainder of that year when his father found out if River hadn’t managed to talk their way out of it. But drunk him had continue his streak of stupidity in the car by jabbering on about whatever topic came to his addled brain including his frustrations with not having someone to cuddle. Thankfully he passed out almost as soon as he hit their couch.

If only he had the option to do so now. “ _Hieno_ ,” he sighed as he accepted his fate, “What do you have planned?”

Damnit, why did it look so cute when their smile grew like that?

"Well, first I'll teach you basic steps, with me like this, so you can see my feet and where yours are meant to go." They gestured down at their legging-clad legs and bare feet. "Then afterwards I'll change into a dress and heels so we can practice with that, so you'll be prepared for whenever the dance comes around. _Suena bien?_ "

They picked up their phone from the sofa, and quickly unlocked it. After some scrolling, soft classical music began to play through the speakers at the side of the room. River turned to face Sebastian again, and took a step closer towards him. "Since you're going to be leading—" They broke off with a laugh. "Well, we all know Inari will be taking the initiative in this case, but since you're the man in this pairing, you'll be technically leading, so you'll have your hands here and here."

River's hands found Sebastian's again, guiding one to River's waist while holding the other hand aloft. "Don't look so terrified, I don't bite." They teased, their smile turning more mischievous. "I mean, I can if you want me to, but that's something else entirely." They winked playfully.

A jolt of electricity shot down Sebastian’s spine when River supplied him with that particular fantasy. To have them lean down and nibble their way down the length of his neck, hands wandered as they went... He narrowed his glare as the heat flooded his cheeks. Thank fucking god he had put on loose sweatpants before coming down here to relax. The warm skin he felt against his fingers holding their waist did nothing to help his lack of composure. They at least could have put a shirt on for this first part even if they planned to change after.

“Hilarious,” he grumbled to distract them as he ran through a mental list of awful images to calm himself down. “Quit stalling and let’s get this over with.”

"Fine." River stuck their tongue out, smirking, and guided them around in the steps. "Forward, side, close. Back, side, close. Forward, side, close...." They repeated, as they moved the both of them around. "Simple combination for your basic waltz, and you don't have to get too fancy with it if you don't want to."

He began to move with the music and them, maintaining a space between their bodies. A realistic choice given the reason for this lesson. Unlike the actual couples at the prom, he and Inari had no desire to dance writhing against each other like a pair of confused eels. She would want her personal space and at this moment Sebastian needed his own to keep this whole situation from becoming as embarrassing as that…incident earlier in the week had.

It would be better to keep the conversation moving. “Why do you have classical music on your phone? I thought you only liked music with a beat you could dance to.”

"I guess you don't know everything about me then." They teased, and shook their head. "No, I've actually got a couple of classical songs that I'm partial to, but this is just an instrumental version of Moon River." The smile on their face grew, and they began softly singing, "Two drifters off to see the world, there's such a crazy world to see. We're all chasin' after all the same, chasing after our rainbow's end...."

“You know,” Sebastian interrupted with a wry smile, “Cacophonic torture is probably grounds for some kind of lawsuit. You might want to leave off the singing just to be safe.” The teasing managed to ease some of the tension within him. His heart continued to flutter in his chest but he found it easier to relax into the motion of the dance. It helped that one of their hands sat on his shoulder rather than somewhere more intimate, unlike his own. Then their other hand remained gripped in his other, the gentle pressure almost comfortable. He had the sudden urge to lace those fingers together.

He needed another distraction; maybe focusing on the actual dance lesson. They wanted him to learn something so he might as well actually try. He repeated the pattern under his breath, losing himself in the rhythm as he attempted to make his own movements as smooth as theirs. Just like kickboxing…only with less punching and more gliding. His main problem with dancing if he had to name it.

“So did you actually take dance classes growing up?” he asked without looking up as he focus settled on the task at hand. “Or was this another hobby that you just picked up and managed to perfect on your own?”

River shook their head. "A bit of both, actually. I always loved dancing, even when I was little, but when I was sixteen, a friend of mine was becoming a debutante and having her coming out ball with the other debutantes in the area. She asked me to be her date, so I got to take the dance classes to learn how to properly dance with her at the ball."

A chuckle bubbled up. "Oh, remind me to show you pictures of that night. It was before I came out to anyone other than Chris as genderqueer, so I had the traditional tux, with my hair done neatly." A vast contrast with their usual look nowadays. "But it was a fun night, and I was able to take dance lessons like I always wanted."

River…in a tux. Sebastian almost missed a step as that particular image materialized in his mind. They had worn a wide range of clothing styles in the time he had known them but he had never thought about what they would look like in more masculine formal wear. They preferred feminine styles. But in a tux—slim fit to accentuate their lean figure with their tied back and maybe a touch of lipstick because they always had that air of confidence with makeup on—holy hell. That was a mental image to add to his collection of fantasies.

A collection he wasn’t supposed to have. Fuck.

The sudden change to the footwork distracted him. “Riv, what are—” They lifted him before he finished. His heart kicked back into overdrive as he grabbed their shoulders. It only lasted a moment but it took him a few stumbling steps to find their rhythm again as their chattered on like nothing had happened. He flashed them a pointed glare. “The fuck? Would it kill you to give me a little warning? I’m trying to figure how to do this without tripping anyone. I don’t need the extra challenge.”

River let out a peal of laughter. "Hey, I'm just trying to keep you on your toes. Besides, when you dance, you're not meant to be staring at your feet the whole time. Yeah?" They lifted one hand and gently chucked his chin to get him to look up at them. "I want to be able to see those _maravilloso_ eyes." Many people, mostly female students in his classes, made comments about his eyes, but only River managed to reduce his insides into a twisted mess with them. Even if they only meant to be nice. He liked the idea of being able to stare into their hazel eyes...as friends do. On occasion. If they felt like being very good friends.

He hoped they couldn’t feel his pulse thundering beneath his skin. It was only a fucking dance. A dance between two friends, one of whom liked to be a flirty dick while playing unintentional mind games. He let a frustrated breath out between his teeth. “I thought debutantes only existed in movies or like the 1920s. What would a modern one even look like?”

"As for the debutante stuff, It's more just an opportunity for the girls to get dressed up and get presented to a lot of fancy people, than it was years ago." River explained, as they flicked out a calf around Sebastian's calf and back again, keeping in rhythm with the music. "My friend's parents were old-school Southern people, so they had her do the whole coming out, presentation thing." They snickered. "And then less than six months later, I was the one doing the coming out, but in a whole other way."

They continued to complicate their steps but Sebastian focused on following his own pattern while keeping his eyes up. “Weird that people would still do that but whatever works for them,” he replied as he settled back into their original rhythm. He knew their coming out had gone much better than his own. They planned theirs for one thing. It didn’t slip out in the middle of an argument as an afterthought that led them to being thrown out of their home. Though he had technically come out before that day. Not on purpose but people in his school had found out long before that argument happened.

“It’d be nice if all coming outs went like that,” he continued dryly, “Rather than worrying about someone rejecting you for existing, you get together everyone like you for a _vitun iso_ party.” He managed to short chuckle. “Maybe it’d be possible to find an actual date then.”

That came off far more serious than he had meant it. “Do you keep in touch with that friend?” he asked, more to change the subject again than anything.

“She moved up north for her job a few years ago, but we keep in touch on Facebook a little.” River shrugged. After a few moments more, they let go of Sebastian, and turned back to their phone on the side table. "Now you've got the basic steps down, want to try something a little.... more?" They glanced up at him with a grin. "Something more like what you'll have at the dance?"

He flashed them a wary look. “Okay…what do you have in mind?” he asked, his voice uncertain. A little confidence had returned to him as this dance lesson went along. He enjoyed being able to spend time with them even if awkward moments had arisen from all the close contact. Nothing outright embarrassing had happened. Though River had become difficult for him to predict during this past week. They could decide to keep fucking with him like they had when they picked him up. That would make the remainder of the evening difficult if they continued to hangout after this.

"Nothing too hard, don't worry. Just something more like what you'll dance to at the school dance. Something a little more contemporary." They picked up their phone, and scrolled down through their music playlists in search of something to play. As they scrolled, they glanced briefly at Sebastian. "So I know you're not really into dating, but are you going to venture out more once you're done with school? I mean, you're eighteen, so you could totally sign up for one of those dating apps." River suggested. "You know, post a few shirtless selfies, and you brooding at the camera—" They teased.

Sebastian opened his mouth to contest their claim about him brooding but paused when he processed their question. “I haven’t thought about it,” he admitted, his eyes shifting away from River. They had a point. Any one of those apps had hundreds of attractive and available men on them, many willing to meet up for a casual fling. Or maybe something more. He swallowed the nerves that threatened to surface.

“It’s not like I don’t want to date. I just…” He folded his arms and studied the couch cushion intently. He preferred to come off as someone uninterested in relationships. Someone like Jasso. It was easier than admitting he used them to cover up the loneliness he felt convinced he’d feel for the rest of his life. “Jasso actually mentioned knowing a guy the other day. A friend of his cousin. He said the guy just broke up with someone and talked about introducing us. School and work haven’t given me the time to take him up on that offer.”

Not the mystery guy stood much of a chance. Sebastian doubted anyone could reach the bar River managed to set in his mind. “It’s not something I want to worry about now. If I survive this next month, then maybe.” He glanced at them again. “Found anything?”

"I think I've come up with the perfect song, but I just gotta find it...Ah, _aquí está_.” They pressed play, and set their phone down as soft male vocals came through the speakers. River turned to Sebastian and held out their hand with a grin, "May I have this dance, _guapo_?"

It took a moment but Sebastian recognized the song from a movie night River insisted they have a few weeks back. He withheld a sigh. They had to pick a love song and toss in a quip that would come off as too flirty to be between friends coming from anyone other than them.

Just once he wanted it to mean more than it did. To pretend for one day that they didn’t compliment everyone like that. To believe all a kiss on the cheek meant something more than it did when they did the same for Chris. To spend a few hours living in a fantasy where he could stop fighting his affection for them. He rolled his eyes at their dramatic display to prevent that longing from escaping his chest. Fuck. All their odd behavior this week had him more confused than the day he first caught himself staring at Eevert’s chest.

“I’m not using that line on Inari,” he replied as he took a step closer, “I value my spine more than that.” He took their extended hand, savoring the warmth of their skin against his.

He started them off then, assuming they meant for him to continue leading. It was easy to find the tempo. Thankfully he had some understanding of music and rhythm. He lessened the distance between them unconsciously, focusing on his earlier challenges to follow the steps and keep his head up. So far so good. “Are you going to show me some spectacular move I can use to amaze everyone there?” he asked dryly.

"I could..." River replied, smiling. "But I don't want to make you too uncomfortable. Pushing you a little outside your comfort zone is a good thing, but if it's too much—" They hesitated. "I don't want to push you too far, and risk alienating you." Spots of colour appeared on their cheeks, but they held Sebastian's gaze. "But if you want some simple stuff that'll wow their teenage minds, I have a few ideas." They flashed him a smile, and lifted their arm up, spinning Sebastian around in a twirl before pulling him back against their chest. "Little flourishes to subvert anyone's expectations."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow when River mentioned alienating him but forgot about it the moment they spun him.

Their comments leading up to the move gave him more time to prepare. He stumbled a step but managed to slide back into the rhythm immediately after. A faint glow of pride showed on his face then. He had never claimed to be good at dancing but he liked to think he was picking this up without too much trouble. Hell, he almost felt like he was into it.

“I stopped caring what those morons thought years ago,” he muttered, his eyes flickering down to check on his feet. The amount of times he’d felt the need to remove someone’s teeth when they made some homophobic comment spoke against his claim. He chose to ignore that as he raised his head again. “But Inari will want something more than a basic waltz. She’s not easy to impress.”

He wanted to see more of River dancing. They had so much passion in them. He loved to see the way their eyes shone when they devoted it entirely to the task at hand. That excitement was fucking contagious.

“Just explain how to do these flourishes so that I can actually try them.”

"Well, I guess there's this—" They spun Sebastian out, before pulling him back in, and taking his hand again across him when he was pressed with his back against their bare chest. "I know you're not going to be doing anything romantic with Inari, but this is still a pretty good move."

His breath caught in his throat when River pulled him against their chest. He could feel the heat of their skin through his shirt and the quick pace of their heart. It beat almost as fast as his own. He rested there against them, drinking in the feeling of being surrounded by their arms as though they hadn’t given him attention all week. Fuck, he wanted to lay his head on their shoulder and nuzzle into their neck.

He needed to move again.

“Inari isn’t a fan,” he reminded them as he spun back out, “But I might try it once. Very quickly with some kind of escape plan.”

The female singer joined in the song as he continued, a smile unconsciously creeping onto his face. Nothing he did could hide his growing investment in this lesson. Between the exhilaration of new song and the feeling of their body moving beneath his hand that rested on their hip, he felt like he could fucking fly.

He had to try one of those flourishes. To practice as a lead, not to try and impress them or anything. He waited for the next turn and twirled them, rising up on his toes for a step to reach high enough over their head. It was much easier to handle as a lead, even with a partner as tall as River.

“This isn’t so bad with a faster beat. It’s a decent workout.” It gave him less time to think about everything. He only had time to act and react, just like a good sparring match.

"You should come with me to aerobics some morning — get a proper workout in you."" They teased, but with a fond grin.

Sebastian opened his mouth to defend himself only for River to pick him up. Whatever thoughts he had vanished. He spun there pressed against their chest with his heartbeat almost in sync with theirs. His arm wrapped around them without a thought. Their hazel eyes became the only thing in the world. He found himself breathless for an entirely different reason when he landed back on his feet.

After a few beats, he remembered how to speak. “It’s beginner’s luck,” he replied, “That and having a good partner to keep me on my toes.”

His eyes remained unconsciously locked with theirs. Only River and his next move concerned him in that moment. He spun them out and back, not pausing to hold them. There wasn’t time. The waltz already felt slow. If only he knew a faster stepping pattern.

The music began to build toward the final chorus. “Know a good way to end a song with a bang?” he teased. He had no idea if he asked for the fictional dance with Inari or out of the heat of that moment. An intoxicating haze had settled in his mind.

"You know I do." They replied, lips curving into a smirk, and spun Sebastian out one more time, before letting go of his hand this time. 

Suddenly River backed away and motioned for Sebastian to come to them. He had no idea what they had in mind but he wanted to find out. Excitement and adrenaline flooded his brain, spurring his body into motion before a question could form. Questions such as was this a good idea or what happened after? Who fucking cared.

He jogged to meet them and suddenly found himself in the air. His hands braced him against their shoulders to hold him upright and then he hung there. Time almost seemed to stop. He stared deep into their eyes, drinking in the warmth and tiny flecks of color he swore had never existed before today. No other thoughts crossed his mind. Only the desire to be close to them like this for as long as possible. His lips curled as his smile widened. He wondered when he stepped into this dream.

Time resumed when his feet touched the ground again. The final lines of the song played out behind them as he tried to catch up with his breath and his thoughts. Fucking hell, he wanted to keep going until they both dropped from exhaustion. He tilted his head up to find their face again, some dim part of his brain telling him to step back. No, not just yet.

“That’s a pretty good way to end a dance,” he agreed with a chuckle.

"You know I want you, it's not a secret I tried to hide." River murmured along with the final words of the song, their eyes locked with Sebastian’s. 

River suddenly leaned down, and Sebastian’s eyes went wide. They crashed over him like a tidal wave. Their hands brushing against his face coaxed him into the kiss. Not an inch of space remained between them. They engulfed his senses, shutting out the rest of the world. His arms circled their chest, clinging to them instinctively as he rode out the brunt of it.

One second slipped by. And another. Then he melted into the kiss.

Fuck. Just…fuck. He tilted his head back as they deepened it. The air around them had gone silent. Only the little sounds River made registered in his mind as they attempted to share the same air for as long as possible. They drowned out even his own pulse pounding in his ears. A rush of exhilaration flooded his chest like he had dropped over the first hill of a roller-coaster. He had never wanted something so much in his life. Why had they waited to do this? If only he knew how to slow time; to stay here in this moment. To see where it might go before Nicolas—

_ Nicolas. _

Guilt cut through the haze as Sebastian woke from the revelry. He pulled away from them. “River, stop.” His conscience threatened to tear itself apart as he gently pushed them back. He wanted this. God, he wanted them. Over a fucking year of pining and here he stood throwing his chance away. Possibly more. Friendships died over less than this. He ought to close his eyes and just give in.

But he couldn’t. He owed River and Nicolas too much to do that to them. They both deserved better.

“We can’t do this. You’re in a relationship,” he said, unsure why he had to state the fucking obvious. He felt the walls press in around them and he took another step back. His hand checked for his phone sitting in his pocket. It was too much. “I…I need to go,” he mumbled, starting for the door. “I just remembered…something. I’ll…see you later.” The excuse was transparent but he had to say something. Something less embarrassing than the naked truth.

"Sebastian—" They stopped, and sighed. "Can't we talk about this?" They stared at him, their eyes open and pleading and vulnerable. "Please?” 

River made no move to follow him but they wanted him to stay and talk. Nothing came to his mind to make this better. He had participated in the kiss as much as they had. They both made their feelings clear and that confession lay between them like a sudden crevasse had split open in the room. A fucking big crevasse.

“What do you want me to say, Riv? What the fuck can I say? That I’ve been in l—” He bit down on his lip and turned away from them. He heard what they said but he didn’t know what to do with it. A dozen thoughts jumped to the forefront of his mind, each more unfair than the last. “I just…I need some time.”

Like an hour alone would do any fucking good.

He slid into his shoes and out the door without saying another word. It was cowardly and foolish, but he didn’t turn around. He continued down the short driveway to the sidewalk and turned onto it. No destination came to mind, only the need to be somewhere else. Time to shut up all the questions banging around in his head. A task best suited to a good strong drink. He pulled out his phone instead and shot off a text to Inari.

**where are you**

It only took her moments to respond.

_ Sitting at home contemplating a life of crime. _

So sitting at her kitchen table doing homework. The familiar joke was almost comforting.

**can you meet me somewhere**

_ What’s up? _

He hesitated as he considered what to tell her. Nothing made sense to him. How would he help it make sense for her?

**just come**

~~

Sebastian chose a coffee shop a few miles away from the house to meet Inari at. It seemed like a safe enough distance and most importantly one he knew none of them had ever been to before. A real shame because it was pretty good as he had discovered when he took a seat at a table in the back to nurse a cup of black coffee. If he survived the next few hours, he’d have to get the word out about this place.

The door swung open as Inari came striding her, her eyes scanning the room until they landed on Sebastian. She crossed and took the seat across from him. “Okay, I’m here. What’s with the cryptic messages? It’s weird even for you.”

He looked down at his empty cup. “ _Something happened,_ ” he replied in Finnish.

“ _That’s not a lot to go on. I haven’t learned how to read minds yet. What happened?”_ He clenched the empty paper cup in his hands. “ _Seb, what the hell is going on?_ ”

“ _River and I kissed.”_

Inari blinked. “ _What_?”

He only nodded.

“ _You kissed?_ ” She chewed her bottom lip. “ _Like no talking. You just…kissed?”_

He nodded again.

“ _Fuck_ ,” she sighed as she slammed her forehead down into the table. The momentary pain did nothing to clear up the situation. She sat up before continuing, _“How did you even get there?”_

“ _They wanted to give me some dancing tips. It just…got out of hand. One minute we were dancing and the next we were kissing,_ ” he grumbled.

“ _What did they say after?_ ”

His gaze drifted away from her to the nearby wall.

“ _Seb, tell me you didn’t kiss them and then leave without saying anything.”_

“ _I left without saying anything.”_

_“God-fucking-damn it_!” she hissed before slamming her head back down. The outburst drew a few stares their way. She sat back up and aimed a heated glare at him. “Are you fucking five?”

He flashed her a hurt scowl. _“I didn’t know what else to do! I just ruined a relationship with a good friend and made them cheat on their significant other!”_

“Seb, come on, you don’t mean that.” He looked back to his hands busy destroying his cup. “Okay, it’s not great but you can work through it.” She gave a frustrated sigh and reached over to grip his shoulder. “Talk to me.”

“I’m going to move out,” he replied.

“What?” Inari asked incredulously.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Sebastian surprised himself when the words came out of his mouth, but he realised that he meant them. “I thought I could get over them and just be friends, but it’s been a fucking year and it’s only gotten worse. I can’t go back to pretending, not after what happened. I just…I need some space.”

Inari took her hand off his shoulder. “Slow down. You’re acting like you’re the only one emotionally invested in this. What about River’s feelings for you?”

He hesitated. “They probably just got caught up in the heat of the moment.”

“Like hell they did. I happen to know they’ve had feelings for you for a while,” she said, a look of satisfaction coming to her face when his eyes shot up from the table. “They told me and Chris when you were away. It’s nothing new. So you can’t pretend that your choice isn’t going to affect them just as much as it affect you.”

His heart lurched painfully in his chest as equal measures of delight and remorse filled him. They actually liked him. It seemed impossible. The new information gave him some pause. Enough to remember one other detail. He leaned forward on the table. “It doesn’t matter.”

Inari looked like she wanted to hit her head into the table again. “Bullshit. It makes a huge, fucking difference. It means that moving out isn’t going to solve shit. You need to talk to River. Just go and get everything off your chest to clear the air between you two. Then you can figure out what to do about this together.”

“I know what they’re going to do,” he growled, “Stay with Nicolas. They’ve been together for fucking years. There’s no one River cares about more than him. That doesn’t just go away. And I’m not about to ask them to do anything else.”

“People change, Seb,” Inari insisted, her frustration mounting.

His gaze shifted away from her again. “Not that quickly.”

Inari leaned back in her chair with a poorly disguised huff. Some days Sebastian made it very difficult to resist smacking him across his stubborn face. “Then what are you going to do?”

“Get my stuff and move into a motel until I can find something more permanent,” he replied, willfully oblivious to Inari’s frustration. “I’ve got enough money for a deposit. If I have to I can pick up more shifts or another job to pay for it all. Then…I’ll figure something out.” So much as he hated the idea, he could follow up with his mother. She wanted to help and, goddamn it, he needed help right now. “It’ll work out better for everyone. They get their privacy back and I get some space.”

She stared him down across the table, her expression unreadable until she finally said, “You’re right.”

That snapped him out of his brooding. He glanced up at her, almost hesitant. “I…am?”

“Aren’t you always?” she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Moving out with less than a month until graduation is the only sane thing to do. Hell, why not take it a step farther? Disappear entirely. Shave your hair, change your name to Alonzo, and take up sheep herding somewhere in the South Pacific completely off the grid so that so that you never have to deal with a marginally uncomfortable situation. If anyone down there ever recognizes you, kill ‘em and feed their bodies to the sheep.”

Sebastian returned to scowling when she went on her diatribe. “Okay, I get it.”

“Do you? Because I’m beginning to think you called me here to ignore me.” She let the jab sink in, before she took a deep breath. “You can’t move out tonight,”—she cut off his protests with raise finger—“I know you have the physical ability to, but you need to take some time to think this through. You don’t know which motel will be cheap enough to get you through until you can find a place and you should have something to tell River before you go. They won’t let you disappear without saying anything. Just…stay with me and my mum tonight. Please? You can do whatever you want to tomorrow.”

A heavy pause hung in the air before Sebastian nodded. “Fine.” He got to his feet, gathering the ruins of his cup in his hand.

Inari raised an eyebrow. “Where are you going?”

“To get some air. I’ll be by your place later,” he assured her before making his way toward the exit.

This whole situation was fucked up, but it was for the best if he just left. Better for him, better for River and Nicolas…


	8. Chapter 8

_ "River, stop." _

Sebastian pulled back, and River came crashing back down into their body with a painful jolt of the heart. The moments that happened afterwards seemed almost like a dream, as they stared, numb, at Sebastian backing away from them towards the door, making weak excuses, and reminding River of their boyfriend.

Their lovely, calm, wonderful boyfriend who would be home soon. Fuck.

"Sebastian—" They stopped, and sighed. "Can't we talk about this?" They stared at him, their eyes open and pleading and vulnerable. "Please?"

An awful feeling of guilt was settling over them, the wonderfulness of the kiss long gone. How could they have done this? If Nícolas was some horrible, abusive man, they wouldn't have these qualms about kissing someone else, but he wasn't. He was sweet, and understanding, and basically a real-life saint, and didn't deserve this.

River stared after him as Sebastian fled the house, leaving them standing alone in the living room with a shattered heart.

Of course they could see where Sebastian was coming from — only a few weeks earlier, River had been talking about a proposal. Fuck, this was one big mess that they just kept making worse.

How must it feel for Sebastian now? They'd kissed him, and forced him into a bad situation, and now they'd potentially lost him as a friend forever because they didn't know boundaries.

They sank down onto the sofa, feeling completely numb inside. River didn't know if they wanted to cry or scream, but right now everything just felt frozen.

Half an hour later, they were still in the same position, sitting on the sofa, staring at their hands as they tried to process the whole situation. Until the front door opened, and their head jerked up, instantly hoping it was Seb—

" _Hola, mi sol_." Nícolas cheerfully called as he entered the house and hung up his jacket on the hook by the door. "I finished work early today, so I thought we could perhaps go out for dinner."

River deflated, their mouth drooping into an expression of misery, and shook their head. "I'm not in the mood for dinner tonight, Níc. I'm just not hungry."

"Not hungry? You? Impossible." Nícolas chuckled, but the laugh faded when he turned around and noticed his partner's mood properly for the first time. "River, _éstas bien_?" He crossed the room to sit beside River, and reached over to take their hand, only for River to move their hands away.

He noticed the movement, and his eyebrows furrowed. " _Mi amor_ , talk to me, _por favor._ " Nícolas softly asked. "Whatever it is, we can work it out."

"I kissed Sebastian!" River blurted out, heat creeping up their neck. "I kissed him, and he kissed me back, but then everything went wrong, and I've fucked everything up because I've fallen in love with someone I can't have."

Too late, they realised what they'd said, and swallowed nervously. Shit, this day was going from worse to worse.

Nícolas blinked, thrown by this new information. He wasn't surprised though. It had been obvious for weeks that his partner wasn't completely there for him — emotionally, or sexually, that is — and that's why he wasn't totally freaking out now.

"I know." He finally said.

River's head jerked up and they stared at Nícolas with wide eyes. "You know? Then why the fuck aren't you flipping out right now? Calling me a whore, and a cheat, and a _cábron_ , because that's what I am, Níc. I kissed another man, and you're acting like I've just said I had pizza for lunch!" They exclaimed, their voice cracking. Tears rolled down their cheeks, as sobs threatened to escape.

"No, no..." Nicolas shook his head, and took River's hands in his, squeezing them comfortingly. "River, _mi amor_ , you are none of those things. You're a passionate person with too many feelings to keep to yourself, and I love that about you." He gently said. "I love you so much, and I know you still love me, but that love has just changed into a different form. It's Sebastian you're in love with, _si_?"

Their lip trembled, but they nodded.

"I've known that for a while now." The older man's tone now held a note of sadness in it. "It's not easy coming to terms with the fact that your partner's falling for someone else. Seeing you light up when he enters a room, like you used to when we were first together? Or hearing the two of you down here late at night, laughing together in a way that doesn't see the light of day?"

Guilt washed over River once again, and they felt like shit. " _Perdóname por favor_." They quietly said.

"There's nothing to forgive. That's what I'm trying to tell you." Nícolas told him. "If you truly love Sebastian, then go after him."

" _Qué_?"

"You deserve happiness, _mi amor_." Nícolas softly said. eyes on River. "If that's with Sebastian, or anyone else, then that's what you gotta do."

"But—"

"But nothing." The older man shook his head. "I'll be okay, don't worry about me. _Si_ , I'll be hurting for a while — having your partner fall in love with a younger, more handsome man will do that to you." He held up a finger when River opened their mouth, and smiled wryly. "But ultimately I'll be okay, and you'll be deliriously happy in love, and that's all I ever want for you."

Rivers's heart melted at that. Fucking hell. How had they been lucky enough to be with this absolute saint for so long? Nícolas truly was a sweetheart, and deserved so much better than this.

"So what now?" They questioned.

Nícolas smiled and leaned forwards. He pressed a kiss to River's head and gazed at them with warmth. "You need to chill out, get your head together while you wait for him to come home, and then talk to him. Tell him you want him, and make this happen."

River leaned into the kiss, smiling despite themself. The fact that even Nicolas thought this could happen, gave them a whole lot of hope for their situation.

"And what about us? What about this place, and our situation?" They asked, blinking at him. "What happens with us?"

Nícolas shrugged, and gave River's hands another reassuring squeeze. "We'll work it out. I'll sleep on the sofa tonight, and then tomorrow we can talk more about it."

He let go and rose to his feet. "Now I'm going to make us both tea, because with what's ahead of us, we'll need clear heads. Especially you." Nícolas gazed down at his partner, an resignedly affectionate expression on his face.

Why did he have to be in love with such a hopeless idiot? Probably because said hopeless idiot was adorable and such a beautiful person inside and out. It was part of why Nícolas understood Sebastian's rather obvious feelings towards River — one just couldn't help falling in love with the six-foot-eight ball of sunshine and sass.

River lifted their head to look at him, their eyes shimmering a little with the hint of tears again. "What if he doesn't want me?" They whispered.

"Impossible. How could anyone not want you?" Nícolas shook his head. "Unlike you, I'm not an oblivious idiot—" He gave River a mock exasperated look, "—and I've noticed his behaviour around you. Trust me, he wants you in so many ways. Try calling him." He picked up River's phone from the side of the room, and pressed it into their hand, just as it vibrated.

"See, it's probably him texting you anyway." He pointed out, and let go of River. "I'll make tea."

River watched as the older man retreated to the kitchen, and they just felt a huge rush of affection towards him. While their romantic feelings for Nícolas had faded, they still loved him as a person. After all, how could you not love someone who was willing to put up with all this shit?

After a moment of reflection, they looked down at their phone, and instead saw the text was from Inari — not Sebastian. Their heart did an unpleasant jump of disappointment, but they unlocked their phone and opened the message anyway.

_ Seb’s staying at my place tonight. _

So....he was staying with Inari. Predictable, but RIver felt a sense of relief to know that he was at least safe and not just wandering the streets. It meant he wouldn't be back tonight though.

Christ, how had this whole thing escalated so much? Less than an hour earlier they'd been dancing together and having genuine fun, but now they were bawling their eyes out on the sofa with their boyfriend — ex-boyfriend now? That was a whole complicated thing on its own. It was like one of those many romantic comedies River —

Wait.

Their eyes lit up, and they quickly messaged Inari back,

keep him at your place tonight. i have a plan

~~

River grunted as they tugged the speaker into position. Fuck, this was heavy. Hopefully it was worth all this, and River wasn't barking up the entirely wrong tree.

Once the speaker was in place, they stepped back, and surveyed the scene in front of them.

They were in the small car park outside Inari's apartment building, and had set up a whole scene. River had reached out to some friends and gathered up paper lanterns, which they'd lit and hung from the surrounding trees, creating a soft light across the car park. That combined with the rose petals scattered across Chris' car — graciously lent for the purposes of romance — created a somewhat romantic sight.

Hopefully it worked.

River took a deep breath, pressed play on the stereo connected to the speaker, and climbed up onto the roof of Chris' car. Careless Whisper began playing, and River lifted the megaphone to their mouth.

"Sebastian Tuisku!" They called. Their heart was racing, and their stomach was churning, but knowing that Sebastian was just in that apartment up there, sent a rush of warmth through their body.

How had they not realised they were in love with him so much sooner?

Once the window opened, River set the megaphone down and picked up the placards from by their feet. How many times had River watched Love Actually with Sebastian last Christmas? This just seemed like the perfect gesture, and they desperately hoped it wasn't in vain.

They lifted their head and beamed up at Sebastian as they held up the first placard.

**Minä Rakastan Sinua**

Finnish for 'I Love You.' Only intimate partners would say I love you like this; partners or possibly close family. River remembered him saying how he’d never used it with anyone outside of his siblings, and how much of an impact those words had.

River's eyes locked onto Sebastian when his head finally popped out, and they beamed, albeit nervously. As the music hit the first chorus, they dropped the first placard, and held up the next couple, one at a time.

**Te Amo**

**I Was An Idiot, I Know**

**But I’m Crazy About You**

Heat flooded their cheeks, and River was filled with silent gratitude to the powers that be that they had skin dark enough to hide such a blush.

By this point, other residents of the building had come out to see what was happening, but River didn't care. They just had eyes for the wonderful, confusing, snarky, gorgeous person looking out of the eighth floor window above them.

When they got the last placard, they held it up, so Sebastian could see exactly what was on it.

**I Want To Be With You, And Only You**

They swallowed, and dropped the card, so they could pick up the megaphone again. Lifting it to their mouth, River spoke, just about keeping their voice level. "Sebastian, I don't know what the future holds, but I can guarantee a few things. One, that I'll always be there for you no matter what our situation, and two, that I'll always be arse over tits in love with you."

River paused for a breath, gazing up at him with wide, vulnerable eyes. "What do you think?" They finally said, a note of doubt creeping into their tone.

His head vanished from the window, and River’s stomach dropped. Fuck. Was this all too much? Just a few minutes ago, this had seemed like a fantastic idea, totally romantic and everything. They'd borrowed the car from Chris, rose petals and speaker from another friend, and made the signs, but what if Sebastian hated it?

Their thoughts were dashed aside when they saw the teenager push his way through the small crowd of people that had gathered to watch the whole ordeal, and then come to a stop. River slid down from the car roof, and waited for something, anything, while their stomach and intestines did all sorts of flips and twists inside them.

“I think you’re a _romanttinen idiootti_."

River couldn't help but laugh at that statement and its validity, as Sebastian approached. Then he threw his arms around them, and everything after that happened in a blur. River couldn't really think of much when they were faced with that smile — that goddamn genuine, open smile that they'd only seen a handful of times in the year they'd known him. “And I'm the luckiest son-of-a-bitch who ever lived.”

He kissed them, and it jolted them back into reality. River pulled him closer and kissed him back just as enthusiastically, pouring every drop of affection and love they had into it. One hand found his cheek, gently cupping it and pulling him even closer to their body as was humanly possible.

When the crowd behind them burst into applause though, River withdrew a little, resting their forehead on Sebastian's. "Don't ever scare me like that again." They murmured softly. "I thought you were leaving me permanently, and I'm not ready to let you go yet. Or ever. _Te amo_."

“ _Te amo_ ,” he echoed, his lips ghosting over theirs when he added, _“Minä rakastan sinua_.” He sank down onto his flat feet again, and River’s hand found his cheek, swiping away the tears there. 

“Can we, um…continue this somewhere quieter?” Oh god, this was probably too much for him, having this moment in front of people. Fuck.

Instantly River's protective instincts kicked in, and they nodded. " _Si. Vamo_ s." They quickly leant down and turned off the stereo, cutting off George Michael in the middle of his warbling. "Let me just—" They lifted the speaker with some difficulty, and hauled it closer to the car. "Victoria will kill me if anything happens to her equipment." A chuckle escaped as they stashed it in the back seat of the car, along with the placards, and re-locked the car.

They turned back to Sebastian and took his hand in theirs. Damn if that didn't put a wide, goofy smile on their face. They could hold his hand and it meant more than it did before.

River gently tugged him back towards the apartment, through the small crowd and back into the relative privacy of the building. "You've no idea how much I've been shitting myself over this whole thing, for nearly two weeks now, trying to come up with the words to tell you how I felt." River gazed at him as they pulled him into the elevator and pressed the button for the eighth floor. "Because I'm an idiota who couldn't even fathom the possibility that you'd be into someone like me."

A laugh bubbled up, and they pulled him closer against him. Their eyes searched his face, taking in every detail. "Are you doing okay?" River softly asked. " _Háblame_."

“Yeah, I’m just…happy. And…being stupid.” He brushed the back of his hand over his eyes again, taking a deep breath. “That first night we met? I was hoping you’d come over for more than a chat. I mean after we cleared up that misunderstanding. I kept hoping that until you told me about…” He breathed again, steadier than before. “I tried to get over you so many times. Hook-ups, ignoring your texts—sorry about that—just being your friend. All it ever did was make me want you more.”

His eyes shifted away from their face. “Sorry about running out on you earlier. I thought I knew what you’d say and...I didn’t want…” A chuckle escaped him. “I didn’t want to lose it like this in front of you. A plan which backfired.”

River listened, and felt a huge wave of affection towards Sebastian. He just always had to be tough, and emotionless, but River was one of the few people who knew that was far from the truth. He was actually warm and cuddly, and felt everything so keenly even if he didn't show it.

"You're not being stupid." They shook their head. "I'm the idiot for handling it like I did." River sheepishly chuckled. "I was going to tell you the day you came back, but then you were having those issues with your máma, so I didn't want to lump my own issues onto you and make it even worse."

They leaned down and pressed a kiss to Sebastian's forehead. "You know you can always talk to me about anything though, right? No matter how stupid you think it is." They softly said, moving their head to the side to catch his gaze again. "Whether we're friends, or dating, or fuck, even if we get married someday—" River's cheeks flushed a deep scarlet at that concept. "You can always count on me to listen and try to help."

As they spoke, their hands curved more around his waist, and one hand slid down to give Sebastian's ass a cheeky squeeze. River's lips lifted into a mischievous smirk. "Now I can do this and not have it be platonic in any way."

Sebastian gave them an exasperated look. “Riv, there’s no such thing as a platonic ass grab.” He held the expression for a second before a smile cracked the façade and he laughed. How was he so fucking adorable? He was the cutest thing in the world, and River would hear nothing to the contrary.

He studied their expression for a moment before he stretched up and placed a kiss on their neck. A little surprised moan escaped River at the sudden touch. This was how they'd fantasised about kissing him, touching him, but ten times more intense in reality. It was soft and hesitant, and had them yearning for more.

“You want me to tell you everything? Even if it’s stupid? I’ve always wanted to do this.” He pushed them up against the elevator wall and pressed another kiss against their lips. Not soft or sweet like their earlier kisses, but heated and wanting. His hand slid up and came up behind their shoulder to keep them drawn against him. Why was it so fucking hot to be dominated like this? They'd barely done anything, but every movement of his hands on them sent warmth through their abdomen. The only thought that floated through their mind as they lost themself in the sensation was how terrible their imagination was compared to the real thing.

Well, this could go entirely the other direction.

Their eyes flashing, River pushed back, pressing Sebastian against the opposite wall. Their whole body towering over him, they bent down and whispered, their lips mere milimetres from his, "Want to know something? All I've thought of is what you might look like, lying in my bed, with not a scrap on you, only for my eyes." Their voice was low, husky from desire, and their accent coming through thickly.

“I love it when you _puhu tuhmia_ ,” he breathed, tugging on their lower lip, “ _Kuulostat niin vitun seksikäs_.” He attacked their neck again, sucking on the softer skin at the junction between their neck and shoulder. His hands slid over the planes of their stomach, eliciting a moan from River. Between the accent, and all these new sensations, their head was spinning. 

They almost missed the ding when the elevator opened. Damned rickety piece of shit couldn’t wait a few more minutes to get to the eighth floor?

Sebastian pulled back to smirk up at them, “This building has roof access. It’s quiet up there, especially this time of night. And there are plenty of dark corners.” He gently nipped their collarbone. “The only danger is someone hearing you scream.”

River's eyes dilated at that concept, and they nodded eagerly, not even bothering to suppress their enthusiasm for this whole thing. "I mean, we're not going to actually fuck — I want you actually in my bed for that—" Their hand slid down Sebastian's chest and over the more prominent bulge in his trousers. "—but I'm sure I can still show you how much better I am than that booty call."

A note of jealousy snuck into their voice as images of that guy floated through their mind. He had been tall, good-looking, muscular, and masculine. Compared to that, why would Seb want them?

"Roof it is." They reached across and pushed the button. "Besides, you know the longer we prolong this, the longer we go before Inari has a chance to tease you mercilessly." River snickered.

“Bold of you to think Inari will only want to tease me.” He lifted his head, his breath coming a little faster than before, much to their delight. “That movie reenactment was all your idea. You’re not getting away with something that sappy without some ribbing, even if she may be secretly a little jealous.”

One of his hands settled on their shoulder. “So, me meeting up with that guy really bothered you? It shouldn’t. When I got him pinned on the couch—” He pushed them back onto the other wall “—he just sat there and took it. I got bored a few minutes in.” He caught their hands and pinned them above their head. His free hand carded through their signature braids as he leaned in, speaking close to their ear. “I imagined you lying there beneath me _vääntelehtimisen_ and moaning while I kissed down your chest.” He pressed his lips beside their ear and then pepper their jawline with quick pecks. “I always wondered how good it would feel to hear you _soita nimeni_ when I was inside you. Or what it’d be like to have you take over fuck me into the mattress.”

Fucking hell, why did it feel so good to be dominated like this? River had usually taken the initiative with their past partners, and enjoyed the feeling of control, of feeling their partner melt beneath them, at the mercy of their touch. Now though, it was River who was melting, pliant as a kitten as Sebastian pinned their hands and peppered them with kisses while murmuring dirty talk that made them want to ravish him there and then. There was nothing they could do to resist, and they didn't want to.

Then their gaze met his, and River was struck by how intimate this whole scene was — and not just in a physical way. “But I never thought you’d want someone as young as me. Or that I’d ever be experienced enough to make you feel good.”

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're amazing, and I've never understood how you're not swimming in offers." River softly said, gazing at him intensely. "You're sweet, and wonderful, and so fucking snarky but in a way that makes me want to kiss you senseless." A laugh bubbled up. "You've always just accepted me from the get-go, you've asked respectful questions and just wanted to know more about me. You're beautiful inside and out, and I love you for it."

River tilted their head, capturing his lips in a kiss that ended up in a comfortable place between sweet and wanting. If this was heaven, they wanted to die now and live in this moment forever. Even as Sebastian melted into the kiss, his hands came up to cup their cheeks, drawing them ever closer into this heightened moment they’d made together.

A ding sounded behind them as the door creaked open once more. Sebastian took their hands in his and pulled them out of the elevator into the night air. Moonlight spilled over the area to reveal a few deck chairs beside a series of planters housing a few marigolds and a small community garden. The only other visible objects appeared to be maintenances boxes for the whole of the apartment complex. Above them, a handful of stars could be seen through the light pollution of the city. “I’ve come up here with Inari so many times. Usually late at night like this whenever I didn’t want to be at home.” 

River followed Sebastian out onto the flat roof space, and they gazed around at their surroundings. Otherwise quiet, and void of life, apart from the pigeons pecking around on the far side of the rooftop. It was quiet and private, and just what they needed right now. They both needed some place private to process this new development and to explore what it could mean for them.

Their smile grew when Sebastian wound his arm around their waist, and they affectionately pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Maybe I'll have to find a place with a rooftop for you to go when you can't sleep at night." River remarked, smiling.

They sat in one of the deck chairs, but didn't let go of the teenager's hand. Instead they toyed with the fingers in theirs, almost memorising the ridges and curves of his hand. Sebastian pulled another chair over with his free hand and sat down in front of River, so close to them and not pulling away this time.

"I want to take you out on an actual date." River finally said, smiling happily. "We can take my bike out to Los Angeles and spend the day out there together. An actual date, not as friends." They lifted his hand to their lips and kissed each fingertip in turn.

“That’d be nice,” he agreed as they pressed butterfly kisses on his fingers. “I’d be up for anything.” He hesitated. “Have you talked to Nicolas?”

They sighed, sobering up, and nodded. "He got home not long after you bolted earlier." Their eyes met his. "I told him everything— about how I felt, how I kissed you, the whole lot, and I was expecting....I don't even know." River shook their head, a wry chuckle escaping.

"The funny thing, though? While I was sitting there, bawling my eyes out like a toddler, he was calm, and supportive, and basically told me to go after you." River entwined their fingers with Sebastian's, and gave his hand a squeeze. "Because he's a literal _ángel_ and I'm unworthy of him. Anyway, I'm basically going to just crash at Chris' for a while until I get my finances in order, and I'll get a flat of my own."

They hesitated. "And hopefully for you as well?" River looked across at him. "That is, if you still want to live with me after all this."

“Yeah,” Sebastian responded without hesitation, and River’s heart leapt for joy. He lifted their joined hands and kissed the back of River’s. “And you’re going to let me pay my share of the rent.” Some might perceive moving in together mere weeks after agreeing to try this as going too fast but for River it had already been a year of waiting, whether they’d realised it or not. They wanted to keep living the life they had become accustomed to over these last few months...but with more kissing Sebastian. That was fun. “I know my income will suck during the apprenticeship, but that’s what all my savings are for.”

“You know I don’t think any less of you, _oikea_? These last few days have been…complicated but that doesn’t change what an amazing person you are, Riv.” Sebastian pressed their fingers to his lips. “ _Helvetti_ , I’ve been in love with you for a _vitun_ year. Even when I knew you only wanted to be friends. You don’t know how many times I thought about leaning over to kiss you whenever I got a little tipsy at the bar. Or how hard I tried to avoid making a hug weird when I didn’t want you to pull away. I just…If you need time to figure shit out, I understand.” He placed his other hand on top of theirs to warm the cooling skin between his palms, and tingles ran through River’s body.“I never told you about how I felt because I never wanted you to feel like you had to choose between me and Nicolas. I still don’t want you to feel that way.”

River's chest filled with warmth as Sebastian spoke, confessing all these feelings - knowing that he cared so much about them meant the world - and their mouth turned up into an affectionate smile. "I'm just working through the fact that I did technically cheat on my boyfriend. It's my issue, and I can work through that myself." They reached a foot over and hooked it around Sebastian's ankle, pulling his foot closer. "I'm choosing you, because I want you. Not because I feel like I have to." They gazed intently at him. "I've told you over the last few weeks that things between me and Nícolas have been a little off, and I know why that is. It's because I'm arse-over-tits in love with you, _mi amor._ " River smiled. "For now, I'll live with Chris, and you can stay here or with the brothers, and we can look for a place together, and then we'll move in together, just us two."

They got up from their seat, and leaned over Sebastian, one hand on the seat on either side of them as they leaned in close to him. "How much do you reckon Inari and her _máma_ would mind if I was to stay here as well tonight? I can share the sofa with you." River grinned, and brushed their lips across his.

“That depends what you mean by sharing,” he chuckled. “Though knowing Fiona, she’d be fine with it either way. It was her idea to have Inari introduce me to my first boyfriend.” He looped his arms around their neck, smirking up at them. “So are you just going to be a tease tonight? Or are you going to help me work off a little excess energy?”

River's lips curved into a smirk at that. "I think I could come up with something..." They straddled his lap in the seat, easily managing it despite their height difference, and ran their hands down his bare chest. "Something to warm you up again, maybe?" Their lips found his neck, where they lavished kisses onto the juncture between neck and collarbone.

This was all very new, but River wanted to explore his body in full, and discover all the spots to make him fall to pieces underneath them. They wanted to see every inch of him, and cover all that beautiful skin in kisses, if only to show Sebastian how much they adored and appreciated every part of him. Starting at his neck, and working downwards...

"Or you know, we could go sleep in the car instead. Just us in the backseat, without your best friend and her mother just feet away." River murmured against his skin, as they peppered more kisses up and down his neck and jawline. Any dedicated attention to the tender skin and he turned into a moaning, flushed mess. Putty in their hands. Their hand slid down between their bodies, pressing against that now much more defined bulge....

Until the elevator dinged again, and the doors opened, effectively pouring ice cold water over the moment.

River groaned, and grumbled, " _No puedo tomar un descanso_.." as they lifted their head and scowled petulantly at Inari. "Worst timing ever, Pollari." They complained. "Can't you wait like an hour before commencing the roasting?"

Inari raised an eyebrow as she stepped out of the elevator. “Don’t be a bitch. I came up here out of the goodness of my heart to see if that mob from downstairs kidnapped you both after they finished applauding that corny as all hell stunt.” She walked closer to the two and smirked at Seb. “ _Mukava_?”

_“Vittu pois,_ ” he grumbled, trying in vain to catch his breath.

“Rude,” Inari replied dryly, “You two really do amaze me. It takes weeks on concentrated effort to get you to confess your feelings but as soon as that’s over you’re ready to rip each other’s clothes off. Are you planning to go all the way up here? Because if you are I’ll leave a note in the elevator to spare my neighbors the trauma.”

River rolled their eyes. "We're not going to fuck." They turned back to Sebastian, and their gaze softened. "When that happens, it's going to be so much better than a quickie on a rooftop." Their hand touched his cheek gently.

When they looked at him, everything else melted away, and nothing and nobody else existed, except for Sebastian Tuisku. To the point where River couldn't resist kissing him again.

However, they weren't actually alone, so River adjusted their position in Sebastian's lap to a slightly more PG version — as they were now unwilling to move after finally getting to this point — and glanced back at Inari with a resigned grin. "Alright, get it over with. Roast me for being an oblivious, romantic sap. Let me have it."

They were a massive sap, but when they were sitting all tangled up in the most amazing guy in the world, Inari could say anything she wanted and it wouldn't phase River.

Inari raised an eyebrow, “Wow, River, I never took you for a masochist.” She shrugged. “But if you insist. You’re an oblivious, romantic sap with absolutely no understanding of how to confess your feelings for someone without making a production of West Side Story look conservative.”

Her attention slid to Sebastian, and her lip curled with amusement. And _mitä minä sanoin_. About a thousand times I told you to tell them how you felt but you’re thicker than they are. Maybe next time you’ll listen to me when I give you advice. And don’t even think about trying to run away from whatever emotional issues come up in the future. I’m not helping next time. You’re each other’s problems know,” she said as she crossed her arms in mock anger…with a touch of real annoyance.

“I get it,” he replied, rolling his eyes.

With a roll of her own eyes, she shifted her attention back to River. “I still can’t believe you went for George Michael of all people. Do you listen to music from this decade or were you going for the ultimate cheesy gesture?” She shook her head and laughed.

River grinned mischievously. "Go big or go home, right?" They shrugged. "Careless Whisper is generally considered one of the top romantic songs, like ever, if not the most recognisable. Besides, love's worth the effort, right?" River snuck an adoring glance besides them at the Finnish man they were sitting astride.

Dear god, they'd never get bored of looking at that face.

They turned back to Inari, and tilted their head to the side. "Hey, maybe I should set you up on a date with Chris, then we can double date." They casually suggested, eyes glinting. "You two can bond over how ridiculous me and 'Bastian are, and then let that bonding progress to making out in the backseat of his car."

Chris would be so into that, but it was just funny to see the expression that River's teasing elicted from Inari. Teasing was fun

“If you’re going to be like that, then I’m just going to leave,” Inari replied with a dramatic turn.

“Good.”

Inari shot them both an irritated glance. “Again, rude. I can see when I’m not wanted.” Her lips curled again. “Worried you’ll die of blue balls if I stick around? I can see you’ve never tried edging before,” she snickered as Sebastian reached up to rub his forehead, muttering under his breath.

My original purpose for coming up here was to let you know I pulled out the bed in the sofa and threw an extra pillow on there.” She glanced at River. “I figured Seb would forget it does that since he never bothers to use the bed part when he stays over. You’re welcome to stick around downstairs if you ever get sick of the roof. My mum won’t be home for a few hours but she won’t bother you.”

A smile slipped onto River’s lips. Inari knew how to be a good friend when she got sick of being an ass.

She started for the elevator, but paused when something else occurred to her. Then she grinned as she glanced back one more time. “You know, we’ve got plenty of supplies in my bathroom. Condoms, lube, pain killers,” she mused, “I could grab you a bundle if you get caught up in the heat of the moment. From what I’ve heard, River, you might want the pain killers if that happens.” She gave them a cheeky wink.

Sebastian groaned, making River chuckle, “Would you _vittu pois?_ ” he grumbled.

River cackled, throwing their head back with laughter. "Oh, that's adorable that you think I'm a bottom." They smirked across at Inari, but the effect was ruined somewhat by the soft expression that followed. Inari was truly a good friend, despite her teasing, and none of this could have happened without her — hell, if she hadn't cancelled on Sebastian that night and caused him to come to the club on his own, would they really have met under those circumstances?

"And Inari? _Gracias por tu ayuda. Te lo agradezco mucho_." Their tone rang with utter sincerity, and gratefulness.

Their eyes turned back to Sebastian, shining with love and affection. Unable to resist, they moved in for another kiss. Their lips briefly grazed his, before deepening it into the sort of kiss they'd shared before in the elevator ride up.

Mm, maybe that lube wasn't the worst idea.


	9. Chapter 9

Graduation day had finally come and Sebastian had never felt prouder. To earn his GED, yes, but also because he had managed to do so while proving his father and several teachers wrong. They wrote him off as a failure months ago but he clung to the last of his good graces among the administration and finished with not only passing grades but a few impressive marks. Some smugness had shown when he arrived that morning and greeted the chemistry teacher who had called him a failure to his face.

Not to mention this was the last day he had to see most of these assholes. Sitting in alphabetical order by surnames meant both Jasso and Inari were seating much farther down from him. Some of the people near him were bearable but he hadn’t spoken to any of them more than once. Many shifted in their seats as the headmaster droned on about how proud he was that the students had overcome challenges and the bright future of the world and all the other common platitudes that parents loved to hear about their children. The students wanted the ceremony to wrap up so they could go enjoy some much needed celebrating with their friends.

For Sebastian the weeks leading up to the day had been insane but some of the best in his life. He had gone from being homeless with an increasingly dim perspective on the future to living in a cozy little apartment with the person of their dreams. Some days the space felt a little too cozy but the proximity gave him and River a chance to work out the new kinks in their relationship.

And he fucking loved how they had learned to work those out.

Studies and work had taken up most of his attention for the past few weeks but the effort paid off, especially with his Spanish studies. After giving his final oral presentation to the class, his teacher had approached him and told him she’d never seen a student improve so rapidly. To which he answered that he had a good tutor; one who forced him to use his language skills whenever they decided to start bitching at him in Spanish. Speaking of…

His eyes idly scanned the crowd as the headmaster reached the end of his first notecard. He remembered Taika promising to save a seat beside her but he hadn’t--

The vacant seat had indeed been filled and the sight of River sitting there chatting with his younger sister brought a smile to his face. Fucking hell, they looked gorgeous He and Inari had taken off early that morning to sit through the boring hours of rehearsal and technical problems which mostly involved them all standing around in the gymnasium waiting for the teachers to explain the fucking obvious of start walking when you hear the music and stay in a straight line. But it was worth the hassle. He’d survived these last few months and now he had the rest of his life to look forward to with that amazing human being sitting out in the audience.

A life he might get to faster if the fucking ceremony would get moving. He swore the headmaster’s almost robotic tone and the whistling that came from Travis Tucker whenever he breathed in through his nose managed to slow time. Said whistle being the result of a solid punch that Sebastian had thrown during sophomore year when Travis tried insisted on harassing Inari during gym class. He’d been proud of it then but it was damned annoying now.

After what seemed like an eternity, the headmaster concluded his speech and introduced the class valedictorian to pass her own words on to her fellow graduates. A pretty girl came forward with long brown hair falling around her shoulders in loose curls, her grey eyes shining with nervous energy as she adjusted the mic to her height. Amy Fawn as Sebastian knew her; his lab partner during their final nightmare of a chemistry lab. He’d probably have failed the assignment had she not been so thorough when recording the data for their table.

Inari caught his eye from down the line of students and smirked. Said smirk translated for him seamlessly as a jab about Jasso’s plan following the ceremony. Apparently he’d had a crush on their valedictorian since the second grade and he meant to seduce her after the ceremony to make her the last conquest of his high school career. Inari had joked about wagering ten bucks that he’d get his ass kicked but Sebastian didn’t take sucker bets.

When the time came to walk, an inaudible sigh rose from among the graduates. Everyone felt hot sitting there in the navy blue robes and caps--one of their school colors--and more than a few had dozed through the speeches. Sebastian rose with the others, prepared to stand for the majority of the proceedings, when he caught River’s glance from the corner of his eye. Their look drew a half smile from him and melted away his irritation as it always did when River gave him that smile. He hated it when they used it to get their way. The headmaster stood at the podium again with his list while two teachers, Mrs. Erickson and Señora Rodriguez, took their places beside the stack of diplomas sitting on a nearby table.

The headmaster offered a short explanation of the proceedings while adding a plea for parents to keep their clapping to a minimum and to remain in their seats until the ceremony had concluded. Then with a quick clearing of his throat, he began to read down the list. The students came up one by one to shake his hand before proceeding to one of the two teachers who would hand them their diplomas and offer them a second handshake before they filed down the steps to a reception area located behind the pavilion.

The first recognizable face to walk was Jasso. He had dress shoes and slacks on beneath his robe and his hair had been thoroughly combed to make him look something like his mother’s idea of a respectable young man. A relieved smile came to his face when he took hold of his diploma as a happy shout rose up from elsewhere in the crowd, “ _Buen trabajo, nene_!”

Soon after Inari came up on the list, strutting across the stage with her usual confidence in a pair of red heels. Her robes hide the dress she wore beneath. She shook the headmaster’s hand and flashed him her newly pierced tongue before continuing across the stage. Her final word in the several years long debate over dress code. Fiona, who had taken a seat by Sebastian’s mother, looked like the picture of pride as she applauded her daughter.

Once they reached the tail end of the graduates, Sebastian finally took his turn to walk. A mixture of pride and amusement filled him when he heard the over-enthusiastic clapping and Spanish shouting from the crowd. Fuck, his datemate was such a dork. The handshake went by quickly and he soon moved to Señora Rodriguez. She handed him the diploma and offered her hand, whispering to him as she did, “ _Felicidades_ , Sebastian.”

Sebastian returned her words with a smile before continuing on. On his way to the stairs, he caught Beckett’s eye who immediately frowned stubbornly. Sebastian’s smile gained back some of its earlier smugness as he flipped the old man off before continuing down the stairs. Worth it.

Off stage, Sebastian found Inari and Jasso standing together beside one of the many tables dotting the reception area holding cups of fruit punch and cookies for the impending crowds. Jasso had already pulled his cap off and opened his robe to fan himself. “Why did mama have to pick this _dejado de la mano de dios_ long sleeved shirt? It’s fucking hot out!”

Inari snickered at his complaints. “One of the rare occasions when it pays to be a woman. I went for a short, sleeveless dress today and I feel just fine.”

“Oh? Did you wear anything underneath that dress?” he asked with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Fuck off, Jas,” she replied before turning her attention back to Sebastian. “How did Beckett like his going away present?”

“About as well as he liked that B I pulled out of my ass on the final,” he smirked as he took off his own cap and ran his finger though his hair to fix it. Behind them the ceremony came to its conclusion as the crowd of relatives and friends rose to find their graduates. Sebastian found himself watching the coming horde, his eyes searching for that familiar face that always managed to rise above a crowd. God, he couldn’t wait to see them.

Inari smirked. “Have you exceeded your time limit again?” She had made it her mission to tease him about his supposed codependence ever since she caught him texting River during class.

A shout interrupted his comeback as Señora Fuertes appeared from the crowd to pull her eldest into a hug. Jasso accepted the action somewhat reluctantly. “ _Mamá, me estás sofocando_ ,” Jasso grumbled.

Oriel waved to Inari and Sebastian as he approached. “You lived,” he noted in his usual dull drawl, “Congrats.”

“Thanks,” Inari replied for them both, eyeing a struggling Jasso. “We’d better go find our families next before your mum catches us. I’ll be sure to text you two when Seb gets his ass back in town so that we can all hang out.”

They called out a quick farewell to Jasso and his mother before making their way into the streaming crowd. It only took a few moments to spot River above the chaos. That height came in handy for more than just good looks on some days. Inari elbowed Sebastian and pointed as though he might have missed his datemate right in front of his face with that fucking adorable pout on their face. Then she dragged him around in a circle to approach the group from behind, her intention obvious and one that he actually liked.

Sebastian took the opportunity to go in first. He slipped between the rows of chairs until he managed to find the space between River and Taika. Then he wrapped his arm around River’s waist and murmured, “Looking for something?”

Taika squealed when her brother appeared beside them. “Seb, congratulations!” She had her arms around him in a rib cracking hug and shortly after Nea joined her. Sebastian swore the younger girl had managed to hit another growth spurt already, noting how much closer to his face she seemed to be today as he took the opportunity to hug them both.

“Did you have to piss Beckett off, _veli_? I don’t want him to hate me next year,” Leevi grumbled.

Which prompted Inari to appear behind him and pat him on the shoulder. “Beckett already hates you, Leevi. Oriel told me you spend too much take staring at Michelle in class.”

“I—I would…I have a girlfriend,” he attempted to explain though his self-defense fell a little flat when he his cheeks flared red.

"Hey, having a girlfriend doesn't mean you stop finding other people attractive." River pointed out with a grin. "All it means is that you wouldn't do anything about it because you find your other half more attractive than all the rest." Sebastian glanced at them, catching their eyes flickering up and down his body, and he smirked. 

But then they produced a fucking massive bouquet of red roses from what seemed like nowhere, and held them out to him. "These are for you. I'm so fucking proud of you." River beamed at him, ignoring the disapproving tutting from surrounding parents at their language, and reached over with their other hand to take his, pulling him closer to them. "How do you feel now you’re officially a high school graduate?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes when he saw the bouquet to make up for the very real smile that came to his face. “Sap,” he teased as River pulled him closer. His fingers wove themselves between theirs, something he never thought he’d do with anyone within a hundred miles of his school. “I feel fucking great knowing I’ll never have to see this building again. And even better when I think about the next few years.” His eyes shone as he looked up at them with the unspoken affection.

A sigh escaped Inari. “Fucking preach,” she agreed, continuing the trend of language just to see some of the more white-collar families move away from their group. “Though it’s less exciting knowing I’m being dragged back into a classroom in a few months.”

Fiona stepped forward and put an arm around her daughter’s shoulder. The older woman almost looked like she ought to be Inari’s twin with her white hair done up and wearing a cute green dress, though age had given her face a few lines around her blues eyes. Even so, they danced with the same mischief as her daughter’s softer grey gaze. “I’m proud of you all the same, _muru_ ,” she said as she handed her daughter a small bouquet of white roses along with another of lilacs.

“Did you really have to get two, mum?” Inari asked as she glanced over at her.

Fiona grinned. “I only bought you the roses, kulta. Those lilacs arrived this morning after you had gone.”

A suspicious look crossed Inari’s face as looked into the bundle of flowers and found a card. She groaned as she read the cheesy message, flashing Sebastian a glare. “How the hell did Chris know to send me lilacs?”

He looked over at a particularly interesting tree beside the school. “I have no idea.”

She shifted her ire to River as she tucked the card back into the flowers. “I blame you for this.” Fiona laughed at her daughter’s dramatics, giving her shoulders a squeeze.

Meanwhile Taika had grown quiet as she studied her brother and River standing there hand in hand. Holding hands. All while her brother continued smiling up at River with the kind of smile she doubted she’d ever seen him give someone. Almost adoring if she had to label it. It seemed like an odd reaction to have even if he was happy about graduating. Like something had changed.

Nea followed her sister’s scrutinizing gaze. “What is it, Taika?”

“There’s something different about those two,” she replied quietly.

“Yeah,” Nea agreed, “Probably because they’re dating.”

“What?!” Taika and Leevi exploded as they turned to stare wide eyed at their youngest sibling then at the couple standing beside them.

Taika shook off the shock first as a huge grin broke out on her face. “Wait, seriously?!”

Sebastian chuckled sheepishly. “Yeah.” He glanced up at River. “It’s been so crazy, I never found a good moment to tell them,” he admitted before shifting his eyes to his sister, “Apparently Nea didn’t need me to.”

“You’re not very subtle, veli,” Nea replied with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"I mean, you aren't especially subtle, _mi amor_." River wound their arms loosely around Sebastian, resting their chin comfortably on his head. "Although given the fact that we're living together and sharing the same room, you lot really ought to have realised sooner."

“That’s rich coming from you,” Sebastian replied dryly, though he slipped his free arm around their waist all the same. He never passed up an opportunity to be close to them now that they no longer had to pretend to ignore their feelings. Just sitting together on the couch after a long day with River in his arms had made even the worst days more than bearable.

Taika’s mouth dropped further. “Two months?” she repeated incredulously. “Seb, why didn’t you say anything? That’s amazing! I totally thought you’d make a cute couple when we met River, but I didn’t know—”

“You wanted to introduce Seb to that guy graduating from your dance troupe,” Nea pointed out with a smirk.

A deep blush took over her face as she glared at her younger sister. “Only because I didn’t know how serious they were.” Her attention returned to River and her brother as she grinned. “I completely approve, so long as you’re both happy together. You can help Inari keep an eye on him,” she laughed.

Inari had to snicker at that. “River makes it impossible to watch for long. Those two are too nauseating even for me.”

“How did it happen?” Taika asked.

“I can tell you that large speakers and George Michael were involved,” Inari replied helpfully.

Sebastian glanced around the faces of his family as they chatted. Nea reflected her sister’s sentiments with a softer smile, while Leevi seemed to be grappling with being happy for his brother and coming to terms with the fact that he’d be dealing with River for so much longer than he ever imagined he would. Even Fiona seemed amused by the situation, being one of the few who had known about their relationship after finding them both on her couch the morning after River’s confession. The only person who worried him was his mother.

His father would openly disapprove just as he disapproved of his son’s identity, but his mother had never been so clear cut. He chanced a glance anyhow. She had the same unreadable pensive stare on her face that she had passed on both himself and Nea. Parental approval wouldn’t change his mind but…he wondered what she thought of it all. She caught his look and glanced away.

" _Voimmeko puhua_?”

The carefully pronounced Finnish from River took everyone by surprise, but what surprised Sebastian more was the nod from his mother, before she walked a little way off with them. He watched as River walked off to his mother, nerves twisting his gut into a pretzel. River knew how to handle themself but a part of him still worried his mother would say something to hurt them or make them reconsider everything. These last few weeks had felt like a dream, but if they were just that—

“Come on, Seb,” Inari urged as she threw an arm around his neck, “Tell us all about the gory details after you bolted out of the apartment like something had started on fire.”

The gesture was wholly unlike her but he appreciated the distraction.

By the time his mother and River returned, Inari had reached what was probably the most embarrassing part of the whole event, and Sebastian was considering strangling his best friend if she didn’t shut up.

“And then when they got to the elevator…” Inari continued, a note of humor entering her voice.

“No.” Sebastian knew from her cheeky grin she meant that part to be a joke but he refused to even entertain it. Telling the whole story about him running down the stairs to embrace them was embarrassing enough. His sibling didn’t need to hear about the private moments that followed in the elevator.

Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he turned to find his mother standing there, her expression softer than before but otherwise betraying nothing about her discussion with River. “I have something to give you from all of us, _kulta_. I thought now would be as good a time as any.” She reached into her purse and handed him an envelope with his name scrawled across the front in his mother’s flowing handwriting.

Sebastian took it, looking between the paper and his family. Judging by Taika’s huge grin and Leevi’s attempt to look nonchalant, they wanted him to open it now. He shifted the flowers to the crook of his arm and carefully opened the flap. Inside he found a card with a cartoon block of cheese and grater on the front reading, “You’re destined for grate-ness.” Sebastian rolled his eyes at the pun. Taika giggled, “I just had to get that for you when I saw it. It’s so terrible, it’s hilarious.”

“ _Olet kauhea_ ,” he said, shaking his head at younger sister. He opened the card and found a simple message of congratulations with his family’s names written beneath and, oddly enough, login information for a website below that.

His mother watched him as he read it all over. “We wanted to get you something useful so Nea suggested starting a business website for you.”

“An online presence is important for anyone in an artistic field,” Nea pointed out.

“And Leevi got it online.”

“I picked the theme for it and made it look decent,” Leevi admitted with a shrug, “But it’s mostly empty. We thought you’d want to customize it yourself.”

His mother smiled. “You can use it for your artwork.” Art had always been an interest Sebastian shared with her. When he showed not only an interest but skill, she’d never felt prouder. A few finger paintings from many years ago held an important place inside one of her jewelry boxes alongside pictures of Leevi with his first computer and Taika’s first dance recital as well as an early photo of a flower from Nea.

Sebastian looked over the information again, a smile coming to his face. His siblings had always raved about his art, but he never expected to see his mother offer such support. He pulled Leevi in for a hug first, winning a handful of complaints about being in public and other people seeing, then gave a second hug to each of the girls who had far fewer complaints.

Lastly he turned to his mother but hesitated for a moment. They hadn’t spoken since the airplane and so many unresolved emotions lay between them. He decided to worry about them later, stepping forward into her embrace. “Thanks,” he whispered to her. Buying a domain and all of the other expenses that went with a website cost a lot of money—he knew from his own research—which made this gesture bigger than a graduation gift. So much bigger.

After the hug, Sebastian stepped back from his mother, only to find himself almost directly into River’s arms. Their sweet kiss to his cheek drew another smile to his lips as he again reflected on how good it felt whenever they gave him attention like this. Some days they drove him insane but every moment he spent wrapped up in their embrace made up for all of that struggling tenfold.

Before he had time to process what they had said, the sound of David Draiman screaming stole his attention. He snatched the phone back when River held it out, giving them a playful push. “ _Kyrpä_ ,” he muttered as he glanced down at a picture of his cousin on the screen.

  
Taika perked up when River mentioned the word cousin. “Is it Sanna?”

Sebastian nodded to answer both her and River. “Do you want to answer it?”

She nodded her head vigorously.

Seeing no reason to deny her request, Sebastian handed the phone over to his sister who promptly answered it and yelled into the speaker at the top of her lungs, “Terve, Sanna!” Sebastian winced as he felt some sympathy for his cousin on the other end. His eardrums hurt from that and he had the benefit of a few feet between them.

River laughed, and kissed his head again before letting go. “I’ll see you back at the car, _mi amor._ ” River flashed him a warm grin, and quickly bade everyone else goodbye, before they headed back across the grass towards where they'd likely haphazardly parked the car in their rush to get to the ceremony in time. Dork. 

“We had best be off too,” Fiona chuckled quietly, “We’re meeting someone for lunch today.”

Inari raised an eyebrow. “Really, who?”

“I invited that friend of yours who sent the flowers,” she replied with a grin as she began to walk toward the parking lot.

Inari gaped as she watched her mother strutting off before following after her with a loud, “Mum!”

Once Taika handed him back the phone, he lifted it up and asked, “Need me to call an ambulance for you?”

An audible laugh came from the other end of the phone. "Nah, I was prepared. If not for your sister's squealing, then your very excitable other half."

Sebastian tried to suppress the smile that came unbidden to his lips when Sanna used those word to describe River. He had to stop being so fucking sentimental. If he kept acting like a lovestruck idiot today, River would have a field day with it. Though he didn’t always hate it when they teased him. Not when they did so while peppering his neck with kisses.

His cousin continued on, “I just called to say congratulations on graduating. I know you've been working your ass off to get here, and I'm happy you're happy. Also there's a very good chance that I'm in California right now?”

His eyebrows shot up, and his smile widened. “Really? Congrats on the move then. I’m surprised you’re over here already.” His eyes drifted to his younger sister as a smirk came to his lips. “I’ll be sure not to spread that information around. Unless you wanted a second roommate for the summer.”

Taika’s eyes shone as she pieced together that little tidbit of information. She’d always admired her cousin, almost more so than her older brother.

“How far away are you?” he continued, “Would you have time to come down to see us this summer? You could stay with me if you don’t mind sleeping on a couch. River keeps bitching about wanting to meet you anyway.”

"I'm up in San Jose, so about five hours drive away?" Sanna guessed. "And I so don't mind sleeping on the couch, if it means I get to meet the infamous River." He could hear the wicked grin in his cousin’s voice, and he rolled his eyes in response. "My college tour is this weekend, and I'm sorting out stuff for next semester and everything else next week, so what about next weekend? I can drive down to see you both, and we can hang out together." She suggested. "You can help me pick out cute stuff for my dorm room, and help me finalise a Tinder account." A laugh bubbled up.

“Deal,” Sebastian chuckled, “Though given my history, you might want to finish up that last one on your own.” He felt some pride for his cousin when she talked about trying to date again. She deserved some happiness after that shitty end to her last relationship. Maybe relocating would give her the confidence she needed to finally take that first step.

“River and I should be back in town by then. We’re actually going to Pride in San Francisco this weekend,” he admitted. He never imagined himself saying something like that, let alone actually attending a Pride event with someone he would call his datemate who had to be one of the queerest people in existence. Some days not even he understood how his life had gotten here. “I’ll text you later today after I talk to River about you staying and get that shit figured out.”

Speaking of… “I should probably be going. I need to say goodbye to everyone here and get to the car. We’ll talk again soon hyvä on?”

"Hey, what if I met you up in San Francisco? It's like less than an hour from campus, and we could even have dinner up there before you go home again?" She cheerfully suggested. "Talk to River about it, and text me if you're going to be there for a few days-”

" _Älä viitsi_ , Sanna! Let's go see your dorm!"

Sebastian smiled at the sound of his younger cousin’s voice in the background. 

"I'm coming! _Yksi minuutti!_ " Sanna called back to her sister. “ "I better get going anyway, before _Äiti_ picks the lock on my dorm door." She snickered. "Have fun in San Francisco, and I'll talk to you soon. _Rakastan sinua, serkku._ "

Sebastian had to smile when his cousin bid him farewell. “ _Heippa_ ,” he replied before he hung up the phone. He liked the idea of including a dinner date with Sanna on their trip though he intended to check in with River before he messaged her. River had planned the whole week so it only seemed right to give them the final say. He slid the phone into his pocket once more and adjusted the growing pile of items in his arms.

“We should be off then. You don’t want to stand around here all day.” His mother swept forward again to pull into another hug. “I’m so proud of you,” she murmured before she released him.

Taika took the opportunity to sneak in another hug as well. “Have a good trip and be sure to take lots of pictures. I want to hear all about it at dinner next week.”

“I will,” he promised before reaching up with his free hand to ruffle her hair.

A few other goodbyes followed before they all walked into the parking lot and went their separate ways. Sebastian headed across the parking lot to where River stood beside their car, chatting with the Pollaris. As he approached, he overheard Fiona reminiscing. “I haven’t been out to Pride in years. I had so much fun attending those weekends with all of my friends back in the day before I had a fulltime job to worry about. You’ll have so much fun.”

“Yeah but first we have to get there.” Sebastian walked up next to the group as he unzipped his robes to reveal the white t-shirt, black vest combo he wore with a pair of black skinny jeans—the nicest outfit he had cared to put on that day. Fuck, it felt good to have that robe open. “Hey Riv, can you unlock the door so I can put some of this shit down?”

Inari glanced down at her phone. “I think that’s our cue to leave, mum. We should get going before your lunch date wonders where we went.” She waved at River and Sebastian. “Have fun you two and remember not to do anything I wouldn’t do!”

"That's not a long list, Pollari." River called back with a laugh. "Have fun with Chris.

Once they were left alone, River turned their attention back to Sebastian. A warm smile crossed their face, and they moved a hand to his waist, pulling him closer. "I really am so proud of you, _mi amor_." They murmured, gazing at him with nothing but love and pride in their eyes. It was almost enough to make him forget all the shit they’d gone through to get to this point. "You've worked so hard, and deserve everything you've earned." River bent their head, and kissed him, one hand finding his cheek in a gentle caress.

His arms circled their waist as they always did to keep River in place. It seemed like the first time in such a long time that they’d taken their time with a kiss. Between moving and work and school, they always seemed too busy for anything slow. It had to be hot and fast, which Sebastian also loved, but taking a moment just to be together felt nice. A reminder that one challenge had finally ended.

He could breathe again.

After a long moment, they pulled back and grinned. "Come on, lets head back to the flat, and get our stuff." Their hand curved around to give his ass a cheeky squeeze.

He could breathe again.

“ _Kyrpä_ , get in the car,” he chuckled after they pulled away, giving their shoulder a playful push. Not that he minded the grab; not so long as there was more where it came from. He had found that River knew a thing or two about stress relief. They always seemed to sense when school had become too much and he needed a distraction. And they made a damn good distraction.

The drive home went by quickly. They mostly chatted about the preparations for the ceremony and what River had been up to during that time. A short check-in that had become a habit since Sebastian first came to stay with them so many months earlier. Before long they pulled into the small parking lot outside of the apartment.

Sebastian gathered his things from the backseat, ensuring he had the bouquet secure in his arms. “I just need to hang the damn robe up before we go,” he said as he closed the car door with his hip, “I’m going to return it to the school whenever we get back.” The joys of renting.

Then he remembered his phone conversation earlier. “Say, would you be cool if we met up with my cousin sometime this weekend?” he asked as they started for the building. “She’s just in San Jose so she could drive down or hop on a train and meet us for dinner somewhere.”

"That would be awesome, actually." They nodded eagerly, as they wound an arm around his shoulders. "We're not leaving til Monday morning anyway, so if she wants to come out for the Saturday, she can join us for the parade watching, and then we can all go to dinner afterwards?" Sebastian could just see the cogs turning in his partner’s head, coming up with a whole itinerary for Sanna’s stay.

"I can't wait to meet her in person finally." River gushed as they typed in the security code at the door, and pushed it open for Sebastian to go first. "And for you two to hang out some more. When you got back from Finland over spring break, you seemed happy to have reconnected with family." They beamed at him, and followed him into the building. 

Sebastian meant to start up the stairs when River turned suddenly and half-tackled him onto their shoulder. “ _Mitä helvettiä_?” he growled as fought to adjust his grip on everything in his arms. “Put me down!” The sudden show of strength at once aggravated him and turned him on more than he cared to admit. Why was his datemate like this? He resisted the urge to struggle. One wrong move and he’d be falling head first onto the stairs behind them.

When they reached their floor, he squirmed out of their arms and back onto his own two feet. He flashed them a glare as he fished the keys out of his pocket. “Try that again and I’m going to use you for my bench presses,” he muttered under his breath, his voice carrying both a threat and a promise. He had taken to building up his strength and muscle mass these past few weeks ever since he discovered just how easy it was to tease River with a little flexing.

He headed into the apartment, setting the flowers and his card onto the table before he did anything else. Before River walked in, he slid one of the roses out of the bundle and cut off the stem with his pocket knife. He took it and the robes into their bedroom where he found one of the few books he owned beneath their nightstand and hid the flower within. Sentimental, perhaps, but he wanted something from today to remember.

“Can you make sure everything is off in the kitchen?” he asked as he straightened to search the overflowing closet for a free hanger. His words vanished into thin air, naturally, as he heard the sound of chatter from the front door. River had an occasionally annoying tendency to talk to everyone they came across, under any circumstances.

Finally the door clicked shut, and he heard them taking off their jacket. “Alexa’s going to water the plants while we’re away. Can't believe I forgot to ask her sooner. I've spent too long keeping that _maldito_ orchid alive for it to die now."

A chuckle escaped Sebastian as he placed the newly hung robe on the handle of the wardrobe. “If anyone can keep that fussy piece of shit alive, it’ll be Alexa,” he said as he glanced over.

The image of River standing there casually leaning against the door captivated him. He doubted he would ever grow accustomed to seeing that tenderness on their face. The beautiful face of the person who had helped him survive the last year of his life, one of toughest in his entire existence. The person who had a heart twice the size of their already impressively lanky form with a sexy, sweet smile that lit up whatever room they entered and a mouth almost as bad as his own. Fucking hell, he loved them so much.

He walked over to where they stood in the door and wrapped his arms around their waist. “Hey,” he said softly, a half smile on his lips, “Thanks. For everything. I think I would have lost my _vitun_ mind without you.” He paused briefly as he drank in their features. “ _Olet niin vitun_ _hämmästyttävä.”_ He rose onto his toes to pull them into another long, slow kiss.

Nothing felt hurried or demanding in the moment. Instead he basked in the glow of his new found freedom and love for the person standing in his arms. It took him back to their first proper night together after they’d moved into this little flat. He had never felt so nervous getting into bed with someone, not even for his first. It felt so important that he impress them lest they come to their senses when they discovered how inexperienced he was. River stopped him with a kiss like this, slowing his hurried pace to an intoxicating crawl as they took the time to explore each other until they fell asleep curled up together.

He broke away with another quick peck on their lips, his eyes glinting as he met theirs. “Maybe we should relax here for a few minutes before we take off,” he joked…mostly. He liked to hold them like this.

River returned his smile with a dazzling one of their own. "I mean, we're not due to check in at the B&B until later, so we've got plenty of time before we absolutely have to leave." They gently pulled him over to the bed, and tugged him down to lie beside them. Once they were on the same level, River leaned in, capturing his lips once more.

Sebastian managed to slip off the converse he wore before following River onto the bed - no amount of arousal could distract him from the disgusting prospect of putting dirty shoes on their sheets - but a content hum vibrated in the back of his throat when they drew him back in and he cuddled up close to them as his hand traced the lines of their torso. They had been here many times but Sebastian never grew tired of it. He loved to lose himself beneath River’s luscious lips. If only he knew how to better breathe through his nose so that they could stay like that for longer. Fucking hell, they made his heart race in the best way when they loomed over him like that.

“ _Eres mi todo_." They murmured. " _Mi luna y estrellas_." Sappy idiot. His sappy, ridiculous, over-enthusiastic idiot. 

“ _Minä rakastan sinua_ ,” he whispered against their lips as he kissed them again. “I love everything about you.” He punctuated each phrase with another kiss as his hand came up to cup their cheek. “I love your tireless optimism. How much you love to give to others. That _seksikäs_ smirk you get when you think you’re being cute.” His arms dropped to the bed to raise him up as he craned his neck to nibble the place where their jaw met their neck.

"What do you mean, trying to be cute? I'm always cute." They playfully grumbled. "I'm cute and adorable...." Their gaze warmed even more as they gazed down at him. "And hopelessly in love with you." They finished with a sweet kiss to his forehead.

One hand came up to tenderly run down the side of his face. "And I can't wait for this weekend. Just you and me, with nothing stopping us from having the most fun." River grinned widely, excitement evident on their face.

That grin turned into a smirk. "Speaking of, I got us t-shirts to wear for when we go to the actual parade on Saturday."

River pushed off of the bed, and headed over to the overflowing closet. A quick rummage around the cupboard above it, and they pulled out two shirts. "This one for me—" They held up the shirt that stated across the front 'I'm Not Gay But My Boyfriend Is.'

"And this one's for you." They smirked and held up the other shirt. "Pretty accurate, right?"

It didn’t take a mind reader to know whatever River had would be ridiculous and, as usual, they didn’t disappoint. His own had a giant rainbow stretched across the front with a comment he more expected to come out of River’s mouth sans one word.

An appropriate groan escaped him as he rolled his eyes at them. “Are you actually going to make me wear that?” he complained though the sparkle in his eyes gave away his amusement. “I hope you have a really fucking convincing argument to back you up on that.”

Not that these made even the top ten list for the craziest items he had seen River pull out of that closet. He remembered threatening to make them clean out some of their wardrobe after seeing all of it for the first time. That particular spat had ended with Sebastian pressed up against the wall panting while they attacked his neck. He loved and hated when they did that.

He flopped back on the bed and stretched himself out as he took a deep breath. It felt so fucking good to have the ceremony out of the way and a week of vacation to look forward to. Those extra days would give them both some time to recover from the trip before going back to work. And give them time to spend alone without a crowd of people to wander through. A yawn escaped him. “ _Vittu_ , I could use a nap.”

River's smirk grew even more, and they set the t-shirts on the desk, before coming back to the bed again. "I'm sure I could convince you very easily." They sat back against the pillows, and Sebastian happily settled his head into their lap. He settled diagonally on the bed with one leg hanging over the edge, not the most natural position for a bed but comfortable enough. Any position felt good so long as it meant he could cuddle with River.

"You know, you could take a nap now, and we'll just leave in like an hour or two instead?" They suggested, their gaze soft as they looked down at him. "After all, I don't want you falling asleep on the bike, and possibly falling off. I'd rather you get your rest first."

A chuckle escaped him. “I can hardly fall asleep in a bed in a completely dark room and you think I’d pass out on your bike with you driving?” Out of all the issues in his life, insomnia had to be the easiest for him to joke about. Then he gave them a smirk “Are you worried about me getting my rest for the road or to make up for what I’m missing tonight?”

Any other day he might have protested them going out of their way to pamper him like this. He wanted to feel like their equal in this relationship and to, whenever he could, reciprocate all the love and affection they showed him. They needed to know how much he appreciated them however he could show them. Unfortunately most of his methods like listening to them talk about their day or patching up any injuries and advising them to get into better habits than he had seemed more suited to dealing with his siblings than River. Unlike him, they had their life figured out.

He tried to stifle another yawn that managed to slip through his fingers. “One of us should set an alarm,” he mumbled as he reached up and caught one of their hands, knitting all of their fingers together before pressing a kiss to theirs.

"I'll set one, don't worry." River replied. "Besides, I'm in no rush to head out either. We've got plenty of time before we even have to leave, and I'm very comfortable here with you now." As they spoke, they absent-mindedly carded their fingers through Sebastian's hair in their lap. A soft sigh escaped Sebastian as his eyes closed, their gentle touches calming his overactive mind. Fuck, he loved laying there with them like this.

“So…” River hesitated. “So I spoke with your mom earlier." They softly said. "Turns out she's more worried about the age gap than anything else." A small laugh bubbled up, despite their obvious nerves. "But I invited her to come to dinner next week with your brother and sisters, and she seemed to like the idea. She said she'd speak with all four of you first, but she seemed up for it. Unless you'd be uncomfortable with that. I would never do anything I knew would make you uneasy, but I thought it'd be a good idea to reconnect with her, and to have her get used to you as the person you are now."

He hummed to acknowledge what they said though it took him a few seconds to actually process the words.

His eyes opened then as he glanced up at their face, a smile breaking out when he saw the genuine concern on their face. “I trust your judgement, Riv,” he assured them before chuckling lowly, “Probably more than I trust my own. If you think she sounded sincere then I’ll give it a chance. It’s not like I’d be facing her alone.” He kissed the knuckles of their joined hands.

He relaxed into their touches, content to let their hand wander as it would. Exhaustion tugged on his eyelids but he fought it off for another minute. His expression sobered as he watched them. “She…didn’t say anything that bothered you did she? I told you that the age thing doesn’t mean shit to me, but does…does it bother you?” Truthfully he had avoided asking them that question, somewhat afraid of the answer they might give him.

"If it bothered me, do you think I'd be lying here right now, holding hands with you?" They reminded him with a smile. "Your _máma_ didn't say anything that really bothered me, except for when she suggested you might be in a bad situation."

Their smile sobered a little at that, but as they gazed down at him, the warm smile returned. "But I told her that I'm hopelessly in love with you, and that I'd never do anything to hurt you. If, _Dios no quiera_ , you ever wanted out of all this, and wanted to leave, I'd let you go without question. It would hurt like fuck, but I'd let you go because the only thing that matters to me is you being happy." River's hand curved around Sebastian's face, their thumb gently rubbing against his cheek. "Oh, and also you being healthy, which involves you getting some much-needed rest." Their lips curved into a wicked smirk. "You'll need it for tonight and what I have planned."

Sebastian hummed again. “It would take at least a millionaire for me to consider leaving.” The slow smirk that followed gave away his joke as he placed another kiss on their hand. “I waited a year for this, Riv. I’m not walking away for anything.” Fuck, he meant it. He couldn’t imagine a world without them.

Their insistence on rest won them another eye roll. “Fine, _määräilevä_. But you’re going to have a hell of a time living up to my expectations if you keep building them up.” Grumbling aside, he had to smile again as he gazed up at them. “ _Minä rakastan sinua_.” His eyes closed again and he let his head fall to the side so that his cheek rested on their thigh. Their joined hands fell onto his chest.

Sleep came faster than it usually did as they continued their gentle touches. It was always easier with River there. They made it so much easier to relax and set aside his concerns for an hour or so. His breathing began to even out as the world faded into darkness. Words alone failed to describe how much he loved them. The last year of his life had been hell but they made it all worth it. He’d go through a hundred gauntlets like it just to be here with in this moment. And he would dedicate his life to giving them the best he had to offer.

Whatever the future held—this weekend or beyond—they had each other. They would always have each other.


	10. 1 Year Later

Sebastian awoke to the smell of coffee. Well awoke might have been too strong of a word. He cracked his eyes open, hovering in that space between sleep and waking. Seeing that he was alone, he rolled over and burrowed deeper into the sheets, snagging the pillow beside him to cuddle. The apartment had become a comfortable nook after nearly a year of living there, especially on days like these.

Ever since Sebastian had moved in with River, their days at home together had followed a predictable pattern. They would laze about in bed until one of them got hungry enough to go and find them both some breakfast which would lead into an afternoon of catching up on the things that needed doing around the apartment. Unless one of them had planned a surprise like going out to dinner or to see a movie, they would spend the evening cuddled together on the couch.

But today was no ordinary day.

The world dissolved once more until he became aware of soft murmuring and gentle touches on his arms as they were eased away from the pillow. He twisted away from the tugging, grumbling under his breath in protest. A protest which was cut short when something began nibbling down his neck. He groaned as he gave in and rolled onto his back, almost aware enough to hear the fond chuckle. It was too damned early for any of this.

Through some herculean effort, he fell back asleep, though not for long. Arousal began to heat his skin, demanding he wake up with each teasing touch that traveled over his hip to his inner thighs. He hovered there for some time in a potent mix of arousal and relaxation. Fuck, this had to be heaven.

When he woke properly, his cock was throbbing. He might have blamed the situation on one hell of a dream if not for the fact that he could feel something--or rather someone licking down his length. Fucking hell, that wet heat felt so good.

Only then did he become aware of the sounds pouring out of his own mouth. He bit his lip to silence himself and heard a soft chuckle in response to his efforts. He opened his eyes. Sweet fuck, River sat there between his legs in nothing more than a pair of panties that barely contained their own half-hard cock, kissing up and down his dick. If he weren’t so out of it from waking up, he might have come at the sight. They glanced up from their task, their hazel eyes already dark. “Buenos días guapo,” they purred as they finally engulfed the head of his cock in their mouth.

He let out another groan as they hummed around him, the vibrations shooting electricity through his whole body. River gave sinfully good blowjobs as he had discovered. He had to wonder how long they had been at it before he woke up.

However long it had been, they were in no hurry to finish. They sucked him gently as their fingers rubbed up and down his shaft, the motions enough for his to flutters his eyes closed again. “ _Vittusaatana...saatanan helvetti_.” His hips jerked upward into their motions. It felt so damn good, even better when they swirled their tongue around the head, drawing another groan from him. They ought to be paid for this, but he would never share them. They belonged to him and only him.

“ _Olen lähellä._ Don’t stop,” he whispered, carding his fingers through their braids. They responded by swallowing more of him. Fuck, he’d never last long like this.

He had lost count of the mornings that started like this. River liked to use sex as a wakeup, not that Sebastian would ever complain about it. These were the best mornings, not only because of the sex, but became of intimacy which started his day off in the best way. Just waking up with his datemate there to cuddle made his day so much better than he ever knew it could be.

“Riv,” he moaned out, tugging on their braids to warn them of his impending release. One more suck and he came, his orgasm washing over him like a warm wave. It was gentle in comparison, enough to flood him with endorphins and energy for the day.

They swallowed until he had nothing more to give and then pulled off with a pop. His eyes fluttered open to stare up at the ceiling. Fuck. What had he ever done to deserve them?

The bed dipped as they crawled up to where he lay. They smiled down at him, their gaze so tender it almost made him ache inside. A kiss had to follow. His lips parted for them immediately for one of those open-mouthed kisses he loved so much. It was soft and sweet, something to savor as they settled on top of him. Oh goddamnit, he would live in this moment for the rest of his life if he could. “Good morning to you too,” he mumbled between long kisses. His hands cupped their face to draw them close, sucking on their tongue. One year ago, they had done this for the first time. He only hoped they would both be here in another year.

However, in this present moment a different issue called for his attention. He felt their hardened cock against his leg, making their need very obvious. What kind of boyfriend would he be if he ignored that? So he pressed his thigh up between their legs as he broke away from their lips for air. “Need a hand, _kyrpa_?”

Their moan turned into a laugh. “Only if you want to. We have all day together.”

His hands cupped their backside as he guided them into a grinding motion, absolutely living for that playful grin on their face. “Don’t be stupid. I’m not going to leave you hanging.” He rolled his hips. “Don’t I take better care of you than that?” He captured their lips in another kiss before they could answer.

He kneaded their buttocks as they rutted against his thigh, his attention divided between that continued attention and kissing their breath away. It was a sluggish pace like the blowjob they gave him, providing him with plenty of time to explore their mouth. They tasted so good, like toothpaste and that special flavor he could only label as River, as their tongue battled with his own in that never-ending contest for dominance between them. Fuck, he hoped his morning breath wasn’t actually killing them. He wanted this to be good for them; to give them even a fraction of the pleasure they gave him. The extra cuddling this position allowed for was a mere coincidence. Though making them grind it out after that fantastic blowjob hardly seemed fair. His hand slipped between their cheeks on a whim, drawing out a needy moan from them.

Oh, that might be something.

He pulled away from them, his hand coming up to press his index finger to their lips before they could follow him. “Suck on it,” he commanded, giving them a playful smirk to entice them into his strange request. They raised an eyebrow at him before taking the finger between their lips and setting to work. He rolled his hips in time with their movements to reward them. “This will be good, I promise.”

Fuck, he hoped this worked.

He waited for what he hoped would be long enough to get his finger good and wet before he pulled it out of their mouth and immediately followed up with another deep kiss. They needed to be distracted and happy or his little surprise might be too easily read. He pushed his tongue into their mouth to wrestle with theirs as his hand reached down and into their panties. Only one shot to get this right. He pressed the wet finger to their hole, using their saliva as makeshift lube. While that was typically a shitty idea, he figured it would work well enough for a little fingering. A groan reached his ears as he circles their rim, pressing in now and then to tease them as their hips stuttered.

Soon, they broke away to try and catch their breath, moaning out, “Bas.” He took that as his cue to press inside them, going up to his first knuckle. Fucking hell, they were so tight. His cock throbbed despite being too spent to summon up against erection so soon. Later though. He rarely went more than a day without fucking them.

“Doing so good,” he purred into their ear, rolling his hips to intensify their rutting. Every wave pushed him farther into them, aiding him in his quest.

He started twisting then, searching for that sweet spot deep inside them. It was near; a year of sleeping with them had taught him as much. He only needed the proper angle.

A shudder told him when he had found it. He pressed a kiss to their forehead, rubbing there as they babbled in Spanish too fast for him to even separate one word from another. They had to be close. A shiver ran through them and their rhythm became sporadic, every part of them tensing for that one moment. In a few short grinds, he felt something wet hit his leg as they came, hitting the skin of his hip and their belly. He let them ride it out until the whole of the orgasm had passed through them, stroking their back and kissing their forehead as they stilled on his chest. Only then did he pull his finger free and wrap his arms around their lower back.

They lifted their head and beamed down at him. “You’ve never done that before. Pretty good thinking for someone who just woke up.” They nuzzled his neck. “Were you pretending to sleep so I would come to wake you up?”

It was his turn to laugh. “I have good ideas sometimes.” He kissed the top of their head. “Happy anniversary by the way.” While anniversaries weren’t usually his thing, River had spent the past week reminding him again and again not to schedule anything for today. Not even he could miss that big of a hint. He supposed that had given him the time to go out and find that little present hidden amongst his notebooks, so he ought to be grateful.

“Happy anniversary,” they said as they returned his kiss. “Should we go get breakfast? I know this amazing place downtown that delivers?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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